Mark doesn\u2019t notice it when the door to the Kirkland suite\u2014already open just a smidgen, as it usually is\u2014nudges a bit wider. He doesn\u2019t hear the tiny plops making their way across the floor, since his headphones are on, and it\u2019s only when something bright green appears by his mousepad when he realizes that he is not alone.<\/p>\n
He lets out a yelp (even though later he will vehemently deny it, as much as Eduardo teases him that\u00a0he was there<\/em>) and kind of flails a little, instincts immediately urging him to hit the thing. Luckily, the frog quickly moves out of the way and Mark\u2019s palm makes hard contact with the wood of his desk instead.<\/p>\n Mark swears and winces, clutching his wrist. He squints at the frog, because it looks like it\u2019s laughing at him\u2026 and\u00a0why<\/em>\u00a0is there a frog in his room, on his desk, doing something that looks like it\u2019s laughing, anyway?<\/p>\n \u201cHi Mark,\u201d says Eduardo\u2019s voice, out of nowhere.<\/p>\n Mark is so startled that he nearly falls out of his chair. Instead he immediately pushes himself back, away from his desk, because Eduardo\u2019s voice had sounded at the precise time the frog had opened its mouth, and he has to be imagining this. Eduardo\u2019s disembodied voice is probably coming out of a tape recorder or something, like a bad joke that Eduardo and Dustin had teamed up for. And the frog is\u2026 Mark doesn\u2019t know what the frog is here for.<\/p>\n The frog leaps to the front of Mark\u2019s desk, and says, \u201cMark, it\u2019s me. Eduardo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis isn\u2019t funny,\u201d Mark says, immediately getting up and looking around his bed, under his pillows and between his blankets for that fucking tape recorder, or something. \u201cI mean, it\u2019s probably going to be funny in retrospect, but this is also fucking stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo\u2019s voice, which is\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0coming from the frog, thank you very much, sighs. \u201cI know it\u2019s stupid. But it\u2019s not a joke.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t mess with me, Wardo.\u201d Mark tosses aside a few textbooks on the floor by his bed, but finds nothing. \u201cWhere is it? Where are you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you looking for?\u201d Eduardo\u2014no,\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0Eduardo, the\u00a0frog<\/em>\u2014jumps from Mark\u2019s desk to his chair. Mark is tempted to sit on it and squish it to punish Eduardo and Dustin, except a part of his brain is saying\u00a0but what if that actually is Eduardo<\/em>\u00a0so he merely throws aside more books instead.<\/p>\n \u201cFor the\u2014wherever your voice is coming from!\u201d Mark finds his schedule and a few campus maps that have been stuffed underneath his mattress, but nothing else.<\/p>\n The frog, if it could, raises its eyebrows. Since it doesn\u2019t have any eyebrows, it just scrunches the upper part of its green skin above its eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not\u2014this isn\u2019t a joke, Mark,\u201d comes Eduardo\u2019s voice, again. \u201cI was just studying in my dorm when my whole body started tingling for whatever reason, and then I just kind of turned into this.\u201d<\/p>\n The frog, if it could, shrugs. Since it doesn\u2019t have any shoulders, the upper part of its front two arms perk up and down.<\/p>\n Mark sits back on his bed and stares. The frog\u2014Eduardo, this could actually be Eduardo, since Dustin nor Ashton Kutcher aren\u2019t jumping out from behind walls any time soon\u2014stares back at him. This tiny little green thing that is sticking up Mark\u2019s chair that Mark doesn\u2019t have any particularly strong feelings about could very well be Eduardo. Possibly. Sort of.<\/p>\n If that were plausible at all.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2026\u201d Mark pinches the bridge of his nose. \u201cHow?\u00a0Why<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo-the-possible-frog does its faux shrugging motion again. \u201cI don\u2019t know. Maybe I pissed off a witch recently and she decided that this was the best revenge.\u201d His tone is light as he says this.<\/p>\n \u201cI doubt it,\u201d Mark says, because Eduardo is far too nice and polite to really piss off anyone. \u201cAre there even witches in Harvard?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t be surprised; this\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0the oldest school in the country,\u201d Eduardo says.<\/p>\n Mark blunders, despite Eduardo\u2019s apparent nonchalance. Maybe his having a frog brain gets rid of the anxiety Mark usually sees creeping at the corner of Eduardo\u2019s eyes, when he\u2019s a human. \u201cAnd how are you\u2014how is your voice still the same? It still sounds like I\u2019m talking to you in person.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFuck if I know,\u201d says Eduardo, and it\u2019s strange to see a frog make a mouth shape around the word\u00a0fuck<\/em>. \u201cIt\u2019s bizarre, though. I\u2019m still trying to get used to this.\u201d He wriggles around on the chair, leaping around the open space, jumping up on the armrest and to the edge, closer to Mark.<\/p>\n Mark continues staring.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is so weird,\u201d he says, because it\u2019s a lot more logical than just saying\u00a0my best friend\u2019s turned into a frog<\/em>.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess it is from both ends,\u201d Eduardo says. \u201cI don\u2019t know if I like it.\u201d<\/p>\n And then. Oh yeah, it\u2019s not like Mark is going to let him be a frog forever. Eduardo doesn\u2019t seem immensely bothered, but he\u2019d probably come to Mark because he thought Mark would solve the problem. Or maybe he just needed to let someone know and Mark was the first. Either way, Mark doesn\u2019t particularly want his best friend to be a frog for the rest of his life, because it\u2019s not like Eduardo can do homework or graduate Harvard like a frog. He probably\u00a0could<\/em>, but his lifespan would be shorter, and also Mark isn\u2019t sure if they make graduation caps that small. And now he\u2019s imagining tiny frog!Eduardo wearing a graduation cap and gown.<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d Mark says, \u201cI don\u2019t. Maybe you\u00a0did<\/em>\u00a0get turned into a frog by a Harvard witch and you need to learn a life lesson from all this.\u201d<\/p>\n To his dismay, Eduardo starts fucking\u00a0laughing<\/em>. His tiny frog eyes are closed as actual laughter\u2014not<\/em>\u00a0weird animalistic croaks\u2014start bubbling out of his frog throat. \u201cI would love to learn a life lesson from all this,\u201d Eduardo says.<\/p>\n Mark kind of wants to smack his frog best friend upside the face. Instead, he gingerly picks up Eduardo from the arm of his chair and plops him into his left palm. \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you freaked out by this?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you\u2019re freaking out about it,\u201d Eduardo says, amused. \u201cAnd that means you\u2019ll solve this even if it takes all night.\u201d<\/p>\n *<\/p>\n Mark\u2019s fingers clack on his keyboard, but his eyes keep drifting up to the top of his desktop screen. Eduardo is perched there, because he is now small enough to perch there, observing around Mark\u2019s room with darting eyeballs, glancing down at Mark\u2019s screen every once in a while. Mark is half-tempted to ask him if he can still read, but he\u2019s not sure what he would do if Eduardo cheerfully answered no and Mark would have to face the reality that the person he\u2014the person who is his best friend is perfectly happy with losing the human ability to communicate through cultured languages.<\/p>\n He\u2019s searching the internet for\u00a0what to do when my friend has turned into a frog<\/em>, except all he\u2019s come up with are bad fantasy books for children. Mark doesn\u2019t like bad fantasy, and he\u2019s not a child, so that\u2019s pretty much moot. Eduardo watches him intently, which is becoming simultaneously distracting and guilt-inflicting.<\/p>\n Clicking back from a forum, Mark asks, \u201cAre you hungry?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m okay,\u201d Eduardo says. \u201cIf I see a bug I\u2019m pretty sure my tongue\u2019s going to react on instinct. Just a warning.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGreat,\u201d Mark grumbles.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the afternoon, so at least Eduardo doesn\u2019t have any classes this evening. Mark knows because Eduardo had been the third person to implement their schedule in CourseMatch this semester and Mark had maybe had his finger on F5 until Eduardo\u2019s schedule had popped up. Anyway, they don\u2019t need to worry about that. All they need to worry about\u2014all Mark needs to worry about, apparently, since Eduardo is so fucking happy as a frog\u2014is how to get Eduardo back into a human.<\/p>\n \u201cI was pretty freaked out about this, you know,\u201d Eduardo says as if he could read Mark\u2019s thoughts, after a moment. \u201cBut that was in the first few hours when I was trying to climb out of my drawer because I accidentally fell in it from my desk. Then I was trying to see how being a frog worked.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd learning frog mechanics alleviate stress, apparently,\u201d Mark grunts without looking up.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it\u2019s easier to worry about being a frog than\u00a0being<\/em>\u00a0a frog,\u201d Eduardo says, which makes no sense at all. \u201cHave you found anything?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d says Mark, in case it\u2019ll make Eduardo start freaking out with him so\u00a0he<\/em>\u00a0doesn\u2019t have to be the one freaking out about this. Eduardo is the generic lime green frog with the weird colored eyes\u2014Mark had searched until he found a picture that looked the most like the frog on top of his computer\u2014and not poisonous, fortunately, since Mark had already touched him before wondering that. Still, knowing what type of frog Eduardo is helps absolutely nothing, except for what he might need to eat if it came to that. The only relatively irregular thing are some black angular markings that don\u2019t look like anything Mark could find on the internet.<\/p>\n At that moment, the door to the suite bursts open and Dustin appears. \u201cWhat\u2019s happening,\u201d he calls, tossing his backpack onto the common room suite.<\/p>\n No one answers him; he comes to the doorway of Mark\u2019s room. \u201cAre you working on something?\u201d he asks, before, \u201cUh, why is there a frog on your computer?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHi Dustin,\u201d Eduardo says, turning to him.<\/p>\n Dustin jerks back so quickly he actually falls down to the floor. Mark can\u2019t suppress his own laugh even though he\u2019d done nearly the same just several minutes before.<\/p>\n Pointing at Eduardo with a shaky finger, Dustin says frightfully, \u201cW-Wardo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s a frog now,\u201d Mark informs him. Eduardo was right; it\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0much less stressful when someone else is freaking out about this. \u201cIn case you wanted to know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis can\u2019t be real,\u201d says Dustin, scrambling up. Like Mark had done, he immediately starts snooping around Mark\u2019s room, which Mark would yell at him for except he\u2019s found an interesting theory on frog eggs. \u201cThis is a prank. You both have to be pranking me right now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy would I ever prank you,\u201d Mark deadpans, as Eduardo merely laughs.<\/p>\n Dustin immediately swivels around and grabs Eduardo. Eduardo lets out a little \u201curk\u201d as Dustin starts shaking him, shouting, \u201cWHERE IS WARDO. WHERE IS HE.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDustin!\u201d Mark snaps, smacking Dustin violently upside the head so that he stops. \u201cYou\u2019re going to give Wardo a seizure!\u00a0Eduardo\u2019s a frog<\/em>!\u201d And he smacks Dustin for a second time for good measure.<\/p>\n As Dustin rubs at his head, recovering, Mark pries Eduardo out from his hand and gently places Eduardo on his wrist. Eduardo rubs at his head with a tiny webbed hand and says, \u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n Dustin blinks at them. \u201cOkay,\u201d he says. \u201cOkay. You never get physical for anything, except I guess this makes sense,\u201d his eyes flicker down to Eduardo, \u201cI guess. Since Eduardo is a frog.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEduardo is a frog,\u201d Mark repeats.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m a frog,\u201d says Eduardo.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d says Dustin. \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n He makes his way back to the common room, then slumps on the couch next to his backpack. Eduardo and Mark exchange looks, though Mark\u2019s not too worried, since he\u2019d almost injured Eduardo and all. Mark kind of wants to ask Eduardo how he\u2019s doing post-trauma, except Dustin\u2019s in the room so he just searches\u00a0how bad of a trauma can a frog suffer after being throttled by an annoying ginger<\/em>.<\/p>\n Dustin\u2019s voice comes faintly from the common room after a few minutes. \u201cWhat are you doing then?\u201d he asks, presumably to Mark.<\/p>\n \u201cLooking to see if we can find a way to remedy this,\u201d Mark says. \u201cThough I really don\u2019t want to resort to making some dumb potion.\u201d<\/p>\n For some reason, this gets Dustin to perk up. \u201cWait, did Eduardo get cursed by a witch?\u201d he asks, far too excitedly.<\/p>\n \u201cWe haven\u2019t ruled it out,\u201d Eduardo explains. \u201cBut this is bound to have happened for some reason.\u201d<\/p>\n Dustin squints at him. \u201cYou don\u2019t have, like, a frog curse that runs in your family, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo laughs. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m just checking!\u201d Dustin says, throwing his hands up. \u201cJust covering all our bases. In case we need you call your parents or something.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh god, fuck.\u201d For the first time, Eduardo actually sound distressed at being a fucking frog. It shouldn\u2019t be as comforting to Mark as it is. \u201cMy\u00a0parents<\/em>. Okay, yeah, I do not want to do this anymore. Can we find an antidote, please?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAs if I haven\u2019t been looking for the past twenty minutes,\u201d Mark mutters, though he\u2019s admittedly sidetracked on a page full of fun facts about frogs.<\/p>\n \u201cA counterspell, anything.\u201d Eduardo places his hands on Mark\u2019s glossy computer screen and bends his head down to see what he\u2019s doing. \u201cOh god, I can\u2019t\u00a0read<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark tries not to be too pleased by his reaction again. \u201cI\u2019m looking,\u201d he insists, prodding Eduardo\u2019s head back up so he can see how many times its weight a frog can lift.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe you don\u2019t need a counterspell,\u201d Dustin says. He brightens up suddenly. \u201cMaybe this is like\u00a0The Frog Prince<\/em>! Maybe you need a kiss!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA kiss?\u201d Eduardo asks blankly.<\/p>\n But even as Mark reads through this very informative site about frogs, his mind cycles through Dustin\u2019s words. He has a point\u2014this may not be some fairy tale love story, and Eduardo isn\u2019t technically a prince (despite his usual human demeanor), but he\u2019s a human who turned into a frog and maybe he just needs true love\u2019s kiss to turn him back. Mark is almost pissed that he didn\u2019t think about it before, except another part of him doesn\u2019t particularly want to think about the idea of Eduardo having a true love, who\u2019ll kiss him, and who isn\u2019t\u2026 Well, Mark doesn\u2019t think himself particularly a romantic, so it makes sense that he didn\u2019t think of it first. Obviously.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s possible,\u201d Mark says, coming out from his reverie and pretending he\u2019d been reading something particularly captivating. \u201cKisses do solve things, according to fairy tales.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t know you read fairy tales,\u201d Dustin teases.<\/p>\n But Eduardo examines him carefully from his place on top of Mark\u2019s computer. \u201cSeriously?\u201d he asks Mark. \u201cYou actually think it\u2019s a viable solution?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t think you becoming a frog would have ever been a viable problem,\u201d Mark points out. \u201cBut here we are.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen what do we do about it?\u201d Eduardo asks. \u201cGo up to complete strangers and ask them to kiss me?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark glances at Dustin, who seems up for the idea. Mark shrugs.<\/p>\n Dustin says, \u201cChris\u00a0did<\/em>\u00a0say he had a big party to go to tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n *<\/p>\n Chris gets invited to pretty much every party on campus, which makes both Mark and Dustin\u2019s social life pale in comparison, even if Chris sometimes ends up dragging them along anyway. Eduardo would probably go, Mark thinks, if he didn\u2019t have so much homework to do all the time. Eduardo usually winds up doing homework on Mark\u2019s bed instead of going along to Chris\u2019s parties, so he only goes if Mark and Dustin go too. And sometimes when they don\u2019t. And sometimes to his own parties, that Mark suspects Eduardo gets invited to on his own, since people like him so much.<\/p>\n Mark doesn\u2019t particularly care about likability, but now he\u2019s taking the T to a club in downtown Boston that apparently everyone on campus is going to\u2014or everyone important, at least. Eduardo is sitting on his palm, because they\u2019d decided that a jar might suffocate him and Mark and Dustin weren\u2019t completely confident on their ability to understand frog hand motions to save him just in case. He clutches Eduardo tightly to his chest, careful not to actually grip him in case it would be uncomfortable, but to not let him fall either.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe you should just ask people on this carriage to kiss him,\u201d Dustin says from the side.<\/p>\n Eduardo doesn\u2019t say anything, likely from fear for over-projecting his voice, so only Mark says, \u201cYeah, because that wouldn\u2019t be weird at all.\u201d He thinks for a moment. \u201cWhat if his true love isn\u2019t at the party? Or even at Harvard?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI heard the Stanford debate team would be there,\u201d Dustin says. \u201cMaybe his true love goes to Stanford.\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo lets out a badly disguised snort from behind of one of his webbed hands. Even as a frog it\u2019s endearing, and Mark tries not to smile at it.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s just a lot of people in the world,\u201d Mark says seriously. \u201cAnd a lot of time left. Eduardo\u2019s true love could be in Singapore, for all we know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOr they could be at a house party in Boston,\u201d Dustin says. \u201cWe don\u2019t know until we try! Anyway, a lot of people say that you meet your closest friends in college, so there\u2019s no saying that that doesn\u2019t go for true love, too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA lot of people don\u2019t believe in true love,\u201d Mark points out. \u201cI<\/em>\u00a0don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n In his hands, Eduardo shakes his head to indicate that he doesn\u2019t either.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll have to for Eduardo, though,\u201d Dustin says.<\/p>\n \u201cNot necessarily. I just have to get him to stop being a frog and then we\u2019re good,\u201d says Mark, as the T jerks to a stop and they switch carriages. He feels out of place carrying only his keys and a frog, no backpack, but he highly doubts he\u2019ll be able to find a place or even time to code tonight with Eduardo momentarily out of commission so he hadn\u2019t even bothered.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0believe in the closest friend thing,\u201d Dustin says cheekily.<\/p>\n Mark doesn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n They make their way to the club that Chris had sent Dustin, since Dustin had told him that he and Mark may be coming along and Chris generally approves of instances where Mark\u2019s fingers aren\u2019t glued to his computer keyboard. They can feel the bass pumping through the sidewalk before they even get there, and Mark wonders out loud, \u201cCan frogs get sensory overload?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t take risks,\u201d Eduardo says to him. \u201cPut me in your pocket.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark frowns. \u201cBut what if someone presses against me and squishes you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t you handle potential sensory overload then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe I have to be the adult in this situation,\u201d Dustin says, \u201cbut seriously, Mark. Just put him in your hoodie pocket and hold onto him, and\u00a0make sure<\/em>\u00a0no one bumps into you.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark scowls. \u201cWe\u2019re both older than you,\u201d he says pointedly, but does as Dustin suggests anyway.<\/p>\n He slips Eduardo from his hand into his hoodie pocket, and Eduardo says, \u201cMark, why is there a single red vine in here?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark and Dustin make their way into the club. It\u2019s dark, colorful, and pulsating already, people raving on the dancefloor and whatnot. Mark\u2019s stomach immediately tangles at the thought of asking so many strangers to kiss a frog, partially because he\u2019ll be asking a bunch of strangers to kiss a frog, but also because there are so many people here to kiss Eduardo. Any single one of them\u00a0could<\/em>\u00a0be Eduardo\u2019s true love, or whatever\u2014Dustin hadn\u2019t technically been wrong. What if Eduardo\u2019s true love\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0in this club tonight, someone who isn\u2019t Mark, someone whom Eduardo will fall in love with immediately and they\u2019ll go back to Eduardo\u2019s dorm and hook up and be joined at the hip for the rest of their plausible lives?<\/p>\n Mark is shaken out of his stupor when he and Dustin have only been mingling by the edge of the dancefloor for a few minutes (Eduardo complaining, \u201cIt is so dark and loud, Jesus Christ\u201d from Mark\u2019s pocket) when Chris appears out of nowhere, sweaty and pink-faced and grinning. His blond fringe sticks to his forehead.<\/p>\n \u201cHey,\u201d he says breathlessly. \u201cYou guys made it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Mark says, at the same time Dustin shouts, \u201cEduardo\u2019s turned into a frog!\u201d<\/p>\n Chris frowns. \u201cI don\u2019t think I heard you,\u201d he says, sticking a pinky into his ear and rubbing it. \u201cDid you just say\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEDUARDO\u2019S TURNED INTO A FROG,\u201d Dustin says, very loudly.<\/p>\n Mark takes Eduardo out of his pocket for proof.<\/p>\n \u201cI,\u201d Chris says. \u201cWow. I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d ever see Mark willingly hold a frog before.\u201d<\/p>\n Because Mark has no time for niceties or manners, even when it comes to Chris, he thrusts Eduardo into Chris\u2019s face in hopefully what is a decent aim between both of their mouths. Chris\u2019s eyes widen as they both sputter, and Mark yanks Eduardo back. Eduardo is, somewhat thankfully, still a frog.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat,\u201d says Chris, \u201cthe fuck.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re trying to find his true love,\u201d Mark says plainly, as Dustin is choked up on laughter. \u201cSo we\u2019re doing that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re shoving a frog into people\u2019s faces,\u201d Chris states.<\/p>\n For the first time, after recovering from his forced kiss, Eduardo speaks. \u201cMark\u2019s supposed to be my wingman to help me find my true love so they can kiss me to turn me back into a human,\u201d he says. \u201cBut hopefully not like that again.\u201d<\/p>\n Chris\u2019s eyes widen again, and he steps very close into Mark\u2019s personal space to get a good look at Eduardo in Mark\u2019s hands. \u201cEduardo<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you trying to kiss him again?\u201d Mark asks dryly, resisting the temptation to yank Eduardo back.<\/p>\n Chris pulls away again, though. \u201cNo,\u201d he says, rubbing at his forehead. \u201cI just think I\u2019m too drunk to process this properly.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe you\u2019re too high,\u201d Dustin chirps. \u201cSpeaking of\u2014\u201d He scurries off, presumably to find a joint.<\/p>\n Mark is a little disgruntled that he can\u2019t particularly join him, since apparently this task has been thrust onto him and him only. \u201cUgh, useless,\u201d he says, mostly to Eduardo since Chris is still staring at them with wonder.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, we can be painfully sober together,\u201d Eduardo says reassuringly. \u201cI\u2019m not even sure if frogs can get high.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re not going to find out,\u201d says Mark, and immediately starts scoping out his first target. If he\u2019s going to get Eduardo back into a human and a true love tonight, he\u2019s going to do it as soon as possible so he can get over it as soon as possible, too. \u201cLet\u2019s get this over with.\u201d<\/p>\n *<\/p>\n It is particularly difficult to get drunk and dancing college kids to be pulled aside and asked if they wouldn\u2019t mind kissing a frog. Luckily, there\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0a bar, and against his word Mark orders a beer as he tries to figure out a strategy. Dustin\u2019s already gone into the crowd, Chris is drinking more to fully grasp the situation, and Eduardo is resting gently in Mark\u2019s pocket, poking his head out to assess the possibilities.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe her,\u201d Eduardo says, since they don\u2019t need to worry about talking too loudly in already such a crowded place. \u201cShe looks like my type.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark ducks down to see where Eduardo\u2019s eyes are fixed. There\u2019s a girl with a very pretty face sitting in a booth at the side of the club, talking with a group of other kids. A couple of them have BU hoodies, and the girl has a scarlet and white scarf around her neck, BU\u2019s school colors.<\/p>\n Mark tries to ignore the flare of jealousy that immediately starts in his stomach. \u201c\u2018Your type,\u2019\u201d he repeats. \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI mean, like, a girl who I might go for, I guess,\u201d says Eduardo. \u201cAs opposed to Chris.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark gulps down a mouthful of beer, because he wants to be at least tipsy to have this conversation. \u201cChris was totally plausible,\u201d he says to Eduardo. \u201cHe\u2019s gay, you\u2019re bi\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not my type,\u201d Eduardo says lightly.<\/p>\n Mark wants to ask\u00a0so who\u00a0<\/em>is\u00a0your type<\/em>, except he\u2019d rather not. \u201cAnd that BU girl is?\u201d he says, unable to keep the scorn out of his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, she\u2019s not\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0my type,\u201d says Eduardo. \u201cShe looks nice enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUgh.\u201d Mark throws back the rest of his beer and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. \u201cFine.\u201d<\/p>\n He grips Eduardo securely, slides off of the bar stool, and marches over to the booth, managing to weave his way around annoying couples making out and stupid kids dancing. When he arrives in front of the BU girl, it takes her another whole several seconds before she realizes that he\u2019s standing front of her.<\/p>\n \u201cHi?\u201d she says, blinking.<\/p>\n Mark takes Eduardo out of his pocket. The girl jolts, as Mark lays him flat on his palm.<\/p>\n \u201cMy friend Eduardo\u2019s been turned into a frog and he says that you\u2019re his type,\u201d he says flatly. \u201cHe wants to see if you could kiss him to break the spell.\u201d<\/p>\n The BU girl stares hard at Mark. \u201cIs this a joke?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHi,\u201d Eduardo pipes up, saving Mark from making a nasty comment about her education. \u201cSorry about my friend, he\u2019s not the best wingman. But my name\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0Eduardo and I\u00a0have<\/em>\u00a0been turned into a frog. It\u2019s nice to meet you.\u201d<\/p>\n And he sticks out a webby little hand, because even as a frog he\u2019s an annoying fucking gentleman.<\/p>\n The girl stares at him for a moment, before hesitantly taking his hand with an index finger. \u201cErica,\u201d she introduces herself. \u201cIt\u2019s\u2026 nice to meet you too, I guess?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish we could under better circumstances,\u201d Eduardo chuckles. \u201cBut um, yeah, this is unfortunate. I really would rather not be a frog, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d imagine,\u201d Erica says, observing him carefully. \u201cYou\u2026 really are a frog? This isn\u2019t some sort of bad joke?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNone of my jokes are bad,\u201d Eduardo replies.<\/p>\n This actually earns him a smile from Erica.<\/p>\n Mark tries not to grovel too much, both in his head and out loud. \u201cCan we get on with this?\u201d he says, annoyed. \u201cAre you going to kiss him or not?\u201d<\/p>\n The light in Erica\u2019s eyes immediately disappears, but Eduardo adds, \u201cMark wouldn\u2019t play bad jokes either, he\u2019s as awkward as it is.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am not\u00a0awkward<\/em>,\u201d Mark protests, but both Erica and Eduardo ignore him.<\/p>\n \u201cOn one hand, your wingman is awful and I\u2019m really not that attracted to frogs,\u201d Erica says to Eduardo. She ignores Mark glaring at the side of her face. \u201cOn the other hand, you don\u2019t seem like such a bad guy, so I guess I don\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFinally,\u201d Mark grumbles, at the same time Eduardo says, \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark lifts Eduardo up to Erica\u2019s face. She places her hands on either side of Eduardo\u2019s little froggish body, before pecking him lightly on his frog mouth.<\/p>\n Nothing happens. Mark could almost sigh with relief.<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d Eduardo says, but before he can continue with what he\u2019s saying, Mark is already whipping around and taking them back to the bar. He ignores the baffled look on Erica\u2019s face and Eduardo shouting over the music; Mark just plops back onto another empty bar stool, places Eduardo on the counter, and orders another drink.<\/p>\n Eduardo glowers at him from next to Mark\u2019s hand. \u201cWhat did you do that for?\u201d he shouts, as the bartender looks at them funnily but says nothing. \u201cI was about to\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo thank her, which you already did,\u201d Mark says shortly. \u201cAnd then flirt with her some more. It\u2019s a waste of time\u2014she kissed you, you\u2019re still a frog, so\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou should be a better wingman about this!\u201d Eduardo says indignantly.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t want to be a wingman in the first place!\u201d Mark retorts, then colors as he\u2019d kind of shouted too loudly and people may be staring at him for arguing with a frog. \u201cYou\u2019re\u2014there\u2019s no point in flirting, just get kissed and get over with\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, if they end up being my true love, Mark,\u201d Eduardo says, surprisingly heatedly for being such a small and non-intimidating frog, \u201cI\u2019d like for them to like me at first instead of you forcing them on me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat does it matter,\u201d Mark mutters, as the bartender comes back over with his drink, still looking at Eduardo peculiarly but saying nothing. \u201cThey\u2019ll be your true love anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n *<\/p>\n He and Eduardo don\u2019t talk for a few minutes, because Mark doesn\u2019t owe him an apology and no one is really bothering them, so Eduardo doesn\u2019t seem to worried as he sits atop the bar counter, looking around. Presumably for someone else\u00a0his type<\/em>, whatever that means. It doesn\u2019t worry Mark too much that the playing field is pretty even among anyone of any gender, but he does wonder what that means for \u201ctypes.\u201d Considering Erica the BU girl had not really said much about Eduardo\u2019s taste at all, except for relatively attractive people with questionable academic abilities.<\/p>\n Mark joins him in scanning over the crowd, anyway, since there\u00a0are<\/em>\u00a0a lot of people. His eyes do a double take for a second, and then he scoffs.<\/p>\n \u201cLook,\u201d he says. \u201cJock twins.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHm,\u201d Eduardo says, but doesn\u2019t sound interested.<\/p>\n Mark glances at him. \u201cAre they not your type?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re not unattractive,\u201d Eduardo admits. \u201cThose are the Winklevoss twins, though. You know that, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh.\u201d Pretty much everyone in undergrad knows the Winklevoss twins, since they basically got unofficially accepted into the Porcellian in freshman year and are the star players of the crew team. Not that Mark actually cares; crew is a stupid sport.<\/p>\n Eduardo considers for another moment, anyway. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t rule them out, I guess,\u201d he says. \u201cDo either of them even like guys?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIsn\u2019t there a thing about twins and sexualities, anyway?\u201d Mark asks, though he\u2019s already picking Eduardo up. Maybe one of them is Eduardo\u2019s true love and it\u2019ll ruin the Winklevii dream team. It might crush Mark, like, emotionally, but he\u2019d also pay to see the drama.<\/p>\n \u201cI doubt it,\u201d Eduardo says as Mark squeezes through bodies to approach them.<\/p>\n The Winklevoss twins are dancing with two girls that are probably their girlfriends, but Mark ignores them as he shouts, \u201cHey!\u201d When neither of them seem to respond, Mark shouts even louder, \u201cHey!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n One twin glances at him, and then blinks. He nudges the other, who pauses at the sight of Mark.<\/p>\n \u201cHey,\u201d says the nudged one. \u201cYou\u2019re Mark Zuckerberg.\u201d<\/p>\n Ugh<\/em>, socialization and effort. Mark raises Eduardo up in his hand, eye level to the both of them.<\/p>\n \u201cMy friend\u2019s been turned into a frog,\u201d he says, over the loud music. \u201cYou should kiss him!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWay to sell it,\u201d Eduardo says sarcastically, as the Winklevosses blink at Mark and Eduardo with confusion.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy,\u201d says one. \u201cWhy are you holding a frog?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark huffs and stomps towards the edge of the dancefloor, clutching Eduardo and elbowing people out of the way. When he turns around, as expected, the twins had followed him, expressions of befuddlement on their identical, annoyingly chiseled handsome faces.<\/p>\n \u201cMy friend has turned into a frog,\u201d he says to the twins, holding Eduardo up, \u201cand you look like Prince Charming types, so kiss him or what the fuck ever.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think Prince Charming was the one in that one,\u201d one of the Winklevosses says sincerely, as the other one just laughs.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2014You actually want us to kiss a frog?\u201d he says. \u201cIs this some sort of hazing joke?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo<\/em>, it\u2019s not,\u201d Mark snaps. \u201cDo I look like the type that\u2019s in a club that\u2019ll try to haze you?\u201d It kind of kills him to say that, but\u2014<\/p>\n \u201cNot really, no,\u201d says the sincere one, then, \u201cSorry, I mean. But you don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo just,\u201d Mark shoves Eduardo in their directions. \u201cKiss him.\u201d<\/p>\n The sincere one bends down to look Eduardo in the eye, while the other one is alternating between laughing and looking at the both of them suspiciously.<\/p>\n \u201cHello,\u201d Eduardo says to the sincere twin.<\/p>\n The twin whistles low. \u201cWell that\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0convincing,\u201d he says. \u201cMeg might be pissed if you turn out to be my true love, but\u2014\u201d He gives Eduardo a slight peck, and then winces as he pulls away.<\/p>\n Eduardo is, stoutly, still a frog. The twin says to his other, \u201cTy, your turn.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t\u00a0want<\/em>\u00a0to kiss a frog,\u201d Winklevoss the Second says. \u201cAnd besides, I really doubt he\u2019s my true love or whatever.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust do it,\u201d Winklevoss the First says, nudging him. \u201cWhat if he\u00a0is<\/em>? You never know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShut up, Cam.\u201d<\/p>\n The Annoying Winklevoss looks down at Eduardo, who merely waves at him. \u201cHow are you a frog, anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMagic or some bullshit,\u201d Eduardo answers. \u201cWe tried to figure it out earlier, but I have no idea, either.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUgh,\u201d says Annoying Winklevoss. \u201cThis is so stupid.\u201d But he bends down to kiss Eduardo anyway.<\/p>\n After nothing happens, Mark says, \u201cOkay. Bye.\u201d He goes back to the bar since he\u2019d left his beer there, as the twins begin complaining about kissing a frog and accidentally swapping spit via Eduardo.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that solved absolutely nothing,\u201d he says, clutching Eduardo. As soon as he sits down, Eduardo jumps onto his wrist, and then into the crook of his elbow then the top of his arm. He rests on Mark\u2019s shoulder, adjusting his webby feet.<\/p>\n \u201cIt did let me know that neither of them were my true love,\u201d Eduardo says pointedly. \u201cWhich, thank god.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d says Mark, trying not to make it sound like he\u2019s actually agreeing. He looks around for his beer, but it looks like it\u2019s disappeared, which is annoying. If Eduardo were a human again he would\u2019ve offered to buy Mark another one, but it\u2019s not like frogs are big enough to have pockets to carry wallets.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat should we do now?\u201d he asks Eduardo, turning to him.<\/p>\n Eduardo might be about to respond; but before he can, a pair of girls rudely bump into Mark\u2019s shoulder and almost make him topple off. \u201cFuck!\u201d Mark swears and uses both hands to keep Eduardo on him, steady, and elbowing one of the girl\u2019s face in the process.<\/p>\n \u201cOw! Watch it, dickhead,\u201d says Face Girl. The girl with the face. That had previously had Mark\u2019s elbow on it. Yeah.<\/p>\n \u201cYou watch where\u00a0you\u2019re<\/em>\u00a0going,\u201d Mark snaps back. Face Girl\u2019s friend is talking to the bartender, seemingly oblivious; but Face Girl is glowering at Mark.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re the one who nearly took my eye out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, and you almost committed murder.\u201d Mark doesn\u2019t even care that he\u2019s exaggerating. \u201cAre you alive, Wardo?\u201d For all intents and purposes he\u2019d plucked Eduardo from his shoulder and is now cupping him between his palms. Who knew that taking care of a frog was so much work.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine, just disoriented,\u201d says Eduardo, rubbing at his slimy head with a webbed hand. He looks up at Face Girl, whose expression has gone from irritated to shocked. \u201cHi. Sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2014\u201d The girl\u2019s expression is bordering on hysterical, which under normal circumstances Mark would think funny. Fuck it, he still thinks it\u2019s funny. \u201cWhat the hell is going on? Alice\u2014\u201d she tugs at her friend\u2019s arm, trying to get her attention.<\/p>\n Mark, meanwhile, can recognize Eduardo\u2019s tone, and that jealousy burns even hotter until it\u2019s anger because\u2014\u201cEduardo, seriously,\u201d he hisses, as the girl is asking her friend to check her for a concussion or a fever. \u201cHer<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCalm down, Mark, it\u2019s fine,\u201d Eduardo says in probably what he thinks is an assuring voice, when it\u2019s not assuring at all. \u201cIt\u2019s convenient. And she seems okay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe called me a dickhead when she shoved\u00a0me<\/em>\u00a0first.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you said she nearly committed murder.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell she did!\u201d Mark says indignantly. \u201cYou could\u2019ve fallen and gotten trampled or something\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019s interrupted\u00a0again<\/em>\u00a0when the girl comes back over, with her friend, and says, \u201cOkay, I know you look like a freak and act like a freak but that is\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0a talking frog in your hand, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark is about to tell her that yes, as a matter of fact, it is, and who the hell is she calling a freak? when Eduardo says, from his hands, \u201cGuilty as charged. Um? If it\u2019s any consolation, I don\u2019t look like this normally. Or at all. This is kind of a one-time thing.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark wants to scowl at him and maybe throw him across the club for being persistently\u00a0nice<\/em>, but he does kind of want his best friend back, and not in the form of trampled frog guts. Instead he lets out a long-suffering sigh and turns his head away because he doesn\u2019t want to deal with Eduardo being better with girls than\u00a0he<\/em>\u00a0is when he\u2019s\u00a0not even a fucking human<\/em>.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is,\u201d says the girl\u2019s friend, with wide eyes, \u201creally trippy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me about it,\u201d Eduardo says, eliciting giggles from the girls. \u201cIt\u2019s really kind of fairytale bullshit, though, like\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, oh wait, don\u2019t tell me,\u201d says Face Girl. \u201cYou\u2019re a prince and you need a kiss from a beautiful girl to turn human again and learn your lesson.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSomething like that,\u201d says Eduardo. \u201cWe\u2014Mark and our friends and I\u2014were thinking more along the lines of a soulmate, but that sound way more reasonable.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSoulmate can work too,\u201d Face Girl says, tossing her long black hair back. \u201cBut if we\u2019re going down that route, then I have to know\u2014are you, like, hot? Because if either of our kisses are going to save you, I need to know that neither of our asses are stuck with a butt-ugly dude for the rest of our lives.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know that break-ups and divorces are options, right,\u201d Mark says, breaking his silence to narrow his eyes scornfully at the girls, who have crouched down to talk to Eduardo.<\/p>\n They ignore him, but Eduardo says, with a light chuckle, \u201cMark\u2019s got a point. That\u2019s him, by the way; I\u2019m Eduardo, former human, Harvard economics major.\u201d He does a fucking bow in Mark\u2019s hand, and Mark is going to be\u00a0so<\/em>\u00a0pissed if they don\u2019t turn Eduardo back into a human by the end of the night.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m Christy. This is Alice,\u201d says Face Girl, now dubbed Christy. \u201cAnd you gotta know I\u2019m in it for the long run. I don\u2019t even\u00a0like<\/em>\u00a0frogs, so if I\u2019m going to kiss you I have to know that you\u2019re hot first.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t really care,\u201d Alice says brightly, and Mark immediately decides that he likes her infinitely more than her friend. \u201cI used to play with frogs when I was little.\u201d Judgment rescinded by a margin. \u201cDo you mind, Eduardo? Mark?\u201d She looks up at him with a smile.<\/p>\n Mark rolls his eyes and lifts his hands higher. Eduardo says, \u201cNot at all,\u201d and then Alice is leaning in and giving him a light peck on the mouth.<\/p>\n Mark\u2019s stomach does a lurch of anxiety as usual\u2014but Eduardo stays a frog, and Alice shrugs. \u201cOh well,\u201d she says, and then prods her friend. \u201cYour turn.\u201d<\/p>\n Christy crosses her arms. \u201cSo?\u201d she asks Eduardo. \u201cHot or not? Worth my lipstick or what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d Eduardo says, scratching the back of his tiny froggy head sheepishly. \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019m really the one to say\u2014I don\u2019t think I\u2019m bad-looking, really, but\u2014um\u2014Mark?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark looks down at him with surprise. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you want to say something to sell my more human appearance?\u201d Eduardo asks him.<\/p>\n Something like dread and embarrassment is creeping up the back of Mark\u2019s neck, and suddenly he can\u2019t quite look Eduardo in the eye. It\u2019s not like\u2014well, he\u00a0does<\/em>\u00a0have opinions on Eduardo\u2019s more personable features, most (or all) of which are really, really positive\u2014positive as in Mark has compartmentalized elements of Eduardo\u2019s appearance that he can appreciate without being obviously spotted (eyelashes, thighs, wrists), and others that he sneaks glances to, sometimes thinks about in the shower (ass, shoulders, neck.) But it\u2019s not like Mark can\u2014or even knows how to articulate this to a really kind of hyper-aggressive college girl who is trying to ask for reasons why she\u00a0should<\/em>\u00a0kiss Eduardo. If anything\u2014<\/p>\n Mark shuts that thought off immediately and says, \u201cYes, fine. Eduardo is hot. Go kiss him and get this over with.\u201d<\/p>\n Christy clicks her tongue. \u201cNot enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon,\u201d and Eduardo\u2019s tone turns teasing. \u201cLay it on me, Zuckerberg.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEduardo is attractive,\u201d Mark bites out. He pretends he\u2019s rattling off facts and not very subjective opinions that get him off. \u201cHe\u2019s almost six foot and he works out four times a week and he has a nice jaw and cheekbones.\u201d Okay, that may have been too much. \u201cAlso he\u2019s smart and likes to gamble and is the president of the Harvard Investor\u2019s Club.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOoh, chic nerd,\u201d Christy says, grinning. \u201cFine, you\u2019ve got me. Let\u2019s try this out.\u201d<\/p>\n Reluctantly, Mark brings Eduardo up to level with her face, and she plants a firm, solid kiss on Eduardo\u2019s froggy lips. Mark kind of wants to smack her, except he is pretty sure that she would hit him harder, and worse with the nails she has.<\/p>\n To his immense relief, Eduardo stays the same and Christy withdraws. \u201cDamn,\u201d she says, looking vaguely disappointed but grinning all the same. \u201cI\u2019d actually hoped that that would do something.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry, that makes two of us,\u201d says Eduardo, and Mark wants to sink so low into the floor and die. \u201cWell, it was really nice of you guys to do this for me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOur pleasure,\u201d says Alice cheerfully.<\/p>\n \u201cCall us if you ever get this solved,\u201d Christy tells him. \u201cI kind of want to see in you person. Maybe we can get drinks.\u201d She waves as they head off.<\/p>\n Mark puts Eduardo back onto the bar as soon as possible and decides, fuck it, he\u2019s ordering another beer. Or something stronger. \u201cRed Bull and vodka,\u201d he tells the bartender, who thankfully doesn\u2019t ID him.<\/p>\n Eduardo turns to him and frowns. \u201cMark,\u201d he says, but then seems to switch tack. \u201cWhat was all the\u2014what was with the jaw and cheekbone shit?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark shrugs. The bartender slides him his drink, and he downs half of it, wincing at how strong the vodka is.<\/p>\n Eduardo places a webby little hand on Mark\u2019s, which obviously doesn\u2019t prevent Mark from doing anything but at least gets his attention. \u201cStop it, you said that you were going to stay sober with me,\u201d Eduardo says. \u201cAnd you\u2019re not answering my question.\u201d<\/p>\n Enough alcohol has been in Mark\u2019s system for his brain to make a couple of intuitive leaps to come to his rescue. \u201cIt\u2019s something that Chris said about you once, I don\u2019t know,\u201d he lies. \u201cWhy? It\u2019s not like I have an actual opinion on your\u00a0appearance<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI mean,\u201d Eduardo starts, then stops. \u201cOkay,\u201d he says. \u201cIf you say so.\u201d<\/p>\n *<\/p>\n Mark pretends he\u2019s not sitting in sullen silence as Eduardo does\u2014whatever he\u2019s doing, scoping the place out for other people his type, like pretty Asian girls or dumb BU girls or big crew jocks or whatever. Whatever. This is really Eduardo\u2019s problem, not his. Eduardo should be grateful that he has a friend like Mark in the first place.<\/p>\n Dustin bounds over, looking high as hell and with glitter in his hair. \u201cHey!\u201d he laughs, even though there\u2019s nothing to laugh at. \u201cAny luck on the frog-front?\u201d He giggles to himself.<\/p>\n Mark points at Eduardo. \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAww.\u201d Dustin pouts. \u201cHey Wardo,\u201d he says, and Eduardo waves.<\/p>\n Then Dustin\u2019s eyes light up. \u201cHey! What if\u00a0I\u2019m<\/em>\u00a0Wardo\u2019s soulmate? That would be a real turn of events, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark covers his face with a hand. He knows what\u2019s going to happen next. \u201cIf you\u2019re going to kiss him,\u201d he says, \u201cjust go for it.\u201d<\/p>\n Dustin pokes him childishly. \u201cI don\u2019t need\u00a0your<\/em>\u00a0permission, Marky-Mark,\u201d he says. To Eduardo, he says, \u201cWardo, may I give you the best smooch you\u2019re going to get all night? Better than Chris\u2019s, at least?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf we do end up being soulmates, Dustin,\u201d Eduardo says lightly, \u201cwe\u2019ll need to establish some boundaries on how much body glitter you\u2019re allowed to possess at a time.\u201d<\/p>\n Dustin cackles. \u201cDeal,\u201d he says, and then picks Eduardo up and slobbers one all over his mouth.<\/p>\n Behind his hand, Mark grimaces. Eduardo is still a frog, though, and says once they\u2019re lips are detached, \u201cDustin. Did you really have to do it like\u00a0that<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou needed to know what you were getting into,\u201d says Dustin. \u201cAs in, that would be the worst kiss you\u2019d ever get from me for the rest of our relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, we\u2019re not in a relationship and now I have your spittle all over my\u2014\u201d Eduardo seems to be trying to wipe himself down with his feet-hand things, though with the texture of his skin Mark\u2019s not sure how successful he\u2019s going to be.<\/p>\n Mark huffs. \u201cLook,\u201d he says, and uses the end sleeve of his hoodie to wipe Eduardo down.<\/p>\n Dustin hollers, \u201cNow\u00a0you\u2019re<\/em>\u00a0covered in my body fluids too!\u201d while Eduardo says, \u201cWhile I appreciate that, Mark, that\u2019s kind of disgusting, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can deal.\u201d Mark rolls the end of his sleeve up to his elbow. \u201cAnd now you\u2019re not covered with Dustin spit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy spit is magical,\u201d says Dustin.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd gross,\u201d Eduardo adds. \u201cI sincerely feel sorry for anyone you hook up with tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf<\/em>\u00a0he hooks up with anyone tonight,\u201d Mark says, and he and Eduardo exchange grins.<\/p>\n Dustin pouts. \u201cYou\u2019re both mean and don\u2019t know what you\u2019re missing out on,\u201d he shouts. \u201cI\u00a0am<\/em>\u00a0going to find someone to hook up with! And they are going to appreciate my amazing kisses!\u201d<\/p>\n They watch him prance back to the dance floor. \u201cHe\u2019s too optimistic for his own good sometimes,\u201d Eduardo observes, hopping onto the edge of Mark\u2019s glass. Balancing precariously, he darts a tongue down and scrunches his face. \u201cYuck.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll the time, more like,\u201d says Mark. \u201cAnd why did you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wanted to see if it\u2019d do something, but I think my taste buds are like a hundred times more sensitive this way.\u201d Eduardo pats at his tongue. \u201cAnd it didn\u2019t do anything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Mark says, amused. \u201cI can tell.\u201d<\/p>\n *<\/p>\n The night gets rowdier and rowdier, dark and blue with strobe lights brightening up the ceiling and even though Mark is used to it by now, the bass is still immensely loud. What\u2019s more, Eduardo suggests to him that maybe he should go to the dancefloor, since not a lot of people are hanging by the bar anymore.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not going to dance,\u201d Mark shouts to him over the music, clutching Eduardo as securely as he can without making his grip too tight.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t tell you to dance,\u201d Eduardo shouts back. \u201cThough it really wouldn\u2019t hurt, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow am I going to ask someone to kiss you if I\u2019m out of breath dancing? Plus, I\u00a0don\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0dance.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cExcuse me,\u201d Eduardo calls. \u201cPardon me. Coming through.\u201d<\/p>\n The good thing about being in a giant mass of swarming bodies is that no one really looks to see where voices are coming from, they just move out of the way because they want to continue to move like mindless idiots. Mark asks, \u201cWhere are we going?\u201d and Eduardo responds, \u201cJust look for someone sober enough to ask for me!\u201d<\/p>\n Mark eyes him warily. \u201cYou mean drunk enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I mean sober enough,\u201d says Eduardo. \u201cA drunk person might try to eat me. Or kill me.\u201d<\/p>\n He does have a point. \u201cI really don\u2019t think the middle of a fucking moshpit is the place,\u201d Mark shouts.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not\u2014look, there\u2019s someone!\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo points, and he\u2019s right; lingering by the walls are kids mellow enough who don\u2019t look unhappy with their lives, but aren\u2019t insane enough to be headbanging to this awful music. \u201cHow the hell did you know that people hang out here?\u201d Mark asks loudly, because they\u00a0are<\/em>\u00a0in the middle of the fucking club and Mark wouldn\u2019t have guessed that for his life. Though he doesn\u2019t really spend a lot of times in clubs, anyway.<\/p>\n \u201cThe front sides are always crowded, it\u2019s always the middle,\u201d Eduardo shouts back. \u201cGo try that guy.\u201d He points at a single guy, who has a beer in his hand and is rocking a bit to the music, looking relatively sober.<\/p>\n Mark wedges his way over between everyone else, before shoving himself in front of the guy. \u201cMy friend\u2019s been turned into a frog,\u201d he shouts to the now-bewildered-looking stranger, prodding him in the face, \u201cand I need you to kiss him!\u201d<\/p>\n Out of nowhere, and before the guy can respond, someone shouts, \u201cDiv\u2014! Hey, wait, you\u2019re the weird frog guy, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark spins around. Face-to-face with him, once again, is one half of the Winklevoss clones. Fifty-fifty chance, he takes a gander that it\u2019s Tyler.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m<\/em>\u00a0not the weird frog guy,\u201d Mark says, frowning. \u201cHe<\/em>\u00a0is.\u201d He lifts up Eduardo again.<\/p>\n \u201cUh,\u201d says the guy, who is apparently \u201cDiv,\u201d who is apparently a friend of a Winklevoss. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n Winklevoss-Who-Might-Be-Tyler answers before Mark can. \u201cHe\u2019s going to make you kiss a frog, says it\u2019s his friend who\u2019s been magically turned into one for some reason, nothing\u2019s gonna happen, you\u2019re gonna indirectly trade spit with me\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0Cam\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n Internally, Mark pumps his fist in victory. Externally, he glowers and says, \u201cLook, I know it\u2019s nuts but my friend\u00a0has<\/em>\u00a0been turned into a frog, so\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n They\u2019re interrupted once again when a girl pops out from the dance floor and attaches herself to Div-The-Winklevoss-Friend\u2019s arm. \u201cHey babe, think we should get more drinks?\u201d she says to him, before noticing Tyler and Mark. \u201cWait, what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHi,\u201d Eduardo chirps up. \u201cI\u2019m a frog.\u201d<\/p>\n Div-The-Winklevoss-Friend leaps back like he\u2019s been spooked; even Tyler jolts in surprise, which Mark thinks is ridiculous since he\u00a0knows<\/em>\u00a0Eduardo can talk.<\/p>\n Div-The-Winklevoss-Friend\u2019s girlfriend, however, immediately leans in and coos. She must be really drunk or really stupid. \u201cAw, a talking frog,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m KC, and this is my boyfriend Divya. And that\u2019s Tyler! And.\u201d She looks up and frowns at Mark. \u201cI don\u2019t know who you are.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s Mark,\u201d Eduardo says quickly, before Mark can speak. \u201cI\u2019m Eduardo. Do you know anything about kissing frogs?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that sometimes they make frogs turn into princes,\u201d KC says. \u201cOh, are you a\u00a0prince<\/em>?\u201d Her eyes go wide and bright.<\/p>\n \u201cTo an extent,\u201d Eduardo says, and Mark quickly turns away so none of the others can see him snort, because Eduardo\u2019s resorted to bullshitting to getting this over with. Mark\u00a0knew<\/em>\u00a0he wasn\u2019t enjoying this as much as he pretended he was. \u201cDo you want to see if I am?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure,\u201d says KC, and bends forward.<\/p>\n Div-The-Winklevoss-Friend-aka-KC\u2019s-Boyfriend-Divya goes, \u201cWait, wait, wait, hold up. You can\u2019t just go around asking other guys\u2019 girlfriends to kiss you. And KC,\u201d he tugs her by the arm, \u201cyou can\u2019t just go around kissing other\u2014other\u2014!\u201d He flails at Eduardo. \u201cFrogs!\u201d<\/p>\n KC pouts. \u201cDon\u2019t be a party pooper, Div.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCam and I kissed it already too,\u201d Tyler adds.<\/p>\n \u201cHe,\u201d Mark corrects snappishly.<\/p>\n Tyler ignores him. \u201cIf that helps,\u201d he says to Divya.<\/p>\n Divya shoots him a glare. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d KC says primly. \u201cIf I feel like kissing frogs right now, Div, then you\u2019ll just have to deal with that.\u201d And she leans down and places a surprisingly decent kiss on Eduardo\u2019s frog mouth.<\/p>\n Despite Mark\u2019s usual stomach lurch of worry, nothing happens. Divya glares at his girlfriend, anyway, until Eduardo says, \u201cYou\u2019re welcome to try too, man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2014\u201d Divya splutters. \u201cWhat?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s bisexual,\u201d Mark says, for clarification.<\/p>\n KC coos, \u201cAww, a bisexual frog!\u201d<\/p>\n Divya glares at her again; and when Tyler says, \u201cCome on, man, I did it,\u201d Divya glares at him too.<\/p>\n But he figures it must not hurt when he turns back to Mark and Eduardo, lets out a resigned sigh, says, \u201cWhat the fuck,\u201d and brushes his lips against Eduardo\u2019s frog ones. It\u2019s like, barely touching and not really anything at all but Mark\u2019s stomach twists in all the worst ways again.<\/p>\n He should really start looking away when these things happen now.<\/p>\n At least nothing happens. At least Divya says, \u201cWell, that was gross and pointless,\u201d and KC says, \u201cBut we kissed a frog together!\u201d and drags her boyfriend out to the mess and the din, Tyler following. Mark and Eduardo are left alone at the side of the dance floor, though to anyone else it really only just looks like Mark.<\/p>\n Eduardo wipes at his mouth again. \u201cUgh,\u201d he says. \u201cI\u2019m getting really tired of kissing strangers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhose idea was it in the first place,\u201d Mark mutters, leaning against the wall and trying to make it look like he\u2019s not sulking.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, not mine, I know that,\u201d says Eduardo. \u201cWasn\u2019t it Dustin\u2019s?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark snorts. \u201cOf course it was,\u201d he says. \u201cNow can we leave this godforsaken hormone dumping ground? I can feel myself lose brain cells by the second.\u201d<\/p>\n *<\/p>\n They make their way to the side where all the private booths are, though at least the BU one from earlier was closer to the bar and these large ones are more sneaking along the wall. Most of them have their curtains shut\u2014\u201cNo, Mark, you\u2019re not going to peek in them\u201d\u2014but one is pretty active and open, with kids coming back and to the dancefloor from it, laughing.<\/p>\n Mark ignores the twinge of jealousy in his chest\u2014mostly in that as much as he does enjoy Eduardo and Chris and Dustin\u2019s company, it\u2019s still so cliquey and easy for people like that that it\u2019s alienating. He wanted to be in a final club (didn\u2019t get in), wanted to have an actual group of friends outside of his roommates, but all he\u2019d gotten was fifteen minutes of fame with CourseMatch, and Eduardo. Given, Eduardo is actually way more than he would\u2019ve expected, because Eduardo is good with people and people are good with\u00a0him<\/em>\u00a0and somehow he\u2019s Mark\u2019s best friend.<\/p>\n And when Mark points them out, as they draw closer, Eduardo says, \u201cThey don\u2019t look like they go around here.\u201d<\/p>\n They don\u2019t. Half the kids are wearing fucking shorts when it\u2019s October, and they\u2019re all dressed very hippy and preppy. Not New England prep, but more like\u2026 west coast prep.<\/p>\n \u201cI think that\u2019s the Stanford debate team,\u201d Eduardo says.<\/p>\n And that\u2019s not even all. When Mark gets close enough, he can see at the middle back of the booth is a guy slightly older than the rest of them, who look more like undergrads, with curly dirty blond hair and glasses perched on his face, arms around two pretty girls as they all socialize and laugh.<\/p>\n Mark\u2019s pretty sure he stops breathing.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s Sean Parker,\u201d he says, though less to Eduardo and more to himself. Sean Parker, who revolutionized music streaming with a simple app, who pissed off an entire business of people and got out of it, mostly unscathed.<\/p>\n Mark wants to ask Sean Parker what he\u2019s doing\u00a0here<\/em>, with Stanford kids, in\u00a0Cambridge<\/em>\u2014but Eduardo says, first, \u201cWe should test out Dustin\u2019s theory to see if my soulmate goes to Stanford.\u201d<\/p>\n And oh. Right. Eduardo\u2019s a frog. And needs to be kissed by multiple people. To turn back into a human.<\/p>\n Mark says through his teeth, \u201cThat\u2019s a great idea,\u201d and marches over with more conviction. At least this\u2019ll give him an excuse to talk to Sean Parker.<\/p>\n Stopping at the head of the table, Mark takes a deep breath and says, \u201cYou guys are the Stanford debate team, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Most of the kids look up at him. To Mark\u2019s delight, Sean Parker stops whatever conversation he was having with some girl to glance at him too.<\/p>\n \u201cWho\u2019s asking?\u201d he asks curiously.<\/p>\n \u201cMe\u2014I\u2019m, uh, Mark Zuckerberg,\u201d Mark says quickly.<\/p>\n Something like recognition flits over Sean Parker\u2019s face, and Mark\u2019s heartbeat speeds up quicker. \u201cYou made CourseMatch,\u201d Sean Parker says.<\/p>\n \u201cHow did you know?\u201d Mark asks, trying not to get too excited.<\/p>\n Sean Parker chuckles. \u201cI have friends at Harvard, you know, word gets around the Ivies.\u201d He reaches a hand across the table. \u201cI\u2019m Sean Parker.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark lets go of Eduardo with one hand to take Sean\u2019s hand. \u201cI know,\u201d he says, trying not to sound too eager. \u201cYou did Napster\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n In his other hand, there\u2019s a loud cough. Sean and his girl friends look surprised; Mark jerks back, having momentarily forgotten. \u201cOh, sorry,\u201d Mark says. \u201cI mean, to you guys,\u201d he adds, when he notices that Sean and the Stanford girls are looking at him oddly for apologizing to a frog. \u201cMy friend\u2019s been turned into a frog and we\u2019ve been trying all night to get him to kiss people to see if they\u2019ll turn him back.\u201d<\/p>\n He brandishes Eduardo up, and Eduardo says, \u201cHi, I\u2019m Mark\u2019s friend Eduardo who is in fact a frog.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCool trick man,\u201d Sean says, grinning. He\u2019s not even paying that much to Eduardo, mostly making eye contact with Mark, and Mark grins back. \u201cC\u2019mon, we can pass your little froggie friend around to see if any of them can \u2018kiss him\u2019 back into a \u2018prince.\u2019\u201d He uses air quotes like he doesn\u2019t really believe Mark, like he thinks this is some sort of party trick, but this is Sean fucking Parker so Mark doesn\u2019t care. Mark nods and hands off Eduardo to some random girl, ignoring the way Eduardo seems to squawk as soon as he\u2019s in the clutches of someone else.<\/p>\n As the girls go around cooing and kissing at Eduardo, Sean says to Mark, \u201cI heard about you man. You did a music thing in high school too, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMusic AI,\u201d Mark says, shrugging with one shoulder and trying to play it cool. \u201cA program that can detect your preference of music.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat is some sweet stuff, dude,\u201d says Sean. \u201cYou ever think about capitalizing on this shit? Making real bank?\u201d He rubs his fingers together for emphasis.<\/p>\n \u201cI mean, it\u2019s,\u201d says Mark. \u201cMicrosoft offered to, but I.\u201d He shrugs again. \u201cThat\u2019s not what they\u2019re for. Well,\u201d he adds quickly, in case Sean might call him stupid or a kid or something, \u201cthey were really kind of beta programs, and Synapse was open source anyway. CourseMatch is just for Harvard, but I do want to make something\u2014something bigger.\u201d<\/p>\n Sean\u2019s eyes light up, and he grins. \u201cYou definitely have the head for it, I\u2019ll tell you that,\u201d he says. \u201cNot just the skillset and the intelligence, but you? You know how to work with\u00a0purpose<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d says Mark, flustered. \u201cI, uh. I heard about your stuff with Napster, too, that was really\u2014I thought it was cool.\u201d He mentally hits himself for using such a lame word, but Sean smirks anyhow.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was cool, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d he says, just as one of the girls on his arm reaches over to pass Eduardo to the other girl.<\/p>\n Sean stops them. \u201cHold up Sharon,\u201d he says. \u201cMaybe I\u2019m the princess in this story.\u201d<\/p>\n Sharon\u2014the girl on his right\u2014laughs, and says, \u201cYeah right, Sean,\u201d but lets Sean take Eduardo anyway.<\/p>\n Mark forces himself to smile, too, even though Eduardo is clearly squirming in Sean\u2019s grasp. \u201cI mean,\u201d Sean says, \u201cdon\u2019t I look more like a contender than Ashleigh?\u201d He gestures to the girl on his other arm, a pretty young blond.<\/p>\n Ashleigh snorts. \u201cYou wish.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve got guts, keeping a pet frog,\u201d Sean says to Mark, looking at Eduardo from side to side. \u201cI probably couldn\u2019t keep a goldfish alive for a day. Well, I wouldn\u2019t want to, is the thing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not my pet\u2014\u201d Mark starts.<\/p>\n Before he can say anything more\u2014and in hindsight, Mark probably should\u2019ve been looking after Eduardo better\u2014Eduardo says irritably, to Sean, \u201cWhat are you doing with a bunch of coeds? You look too old to be hanging around college girls?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis frog\u2019s really got a mouth on him,\u201d Sean says to Sharon and Ashleigh, who are watching with interest. \u201cI\u2019m the club advisor, little guy. What are you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPresident of the Harvard Investor\u2019s Association,\u201d Eduardo snaps.<\/p>\n Admittedly, it\u2019s embarrassing when it\u2019s coming out of the mouth of a frog. Sean and Sharon and Ashleigh and a few other people listening in burst into giggles, and Sean says, \u201cAw, how cute. Pucker up, big fella.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not kissing\u00a0you<\/em>,\u201d Eduardo protests. \u201cMark\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe could be your soulmate,\u201d Mark says, though mostly he just doesn\u2019t want to do anything to piss Sean Parker off.<\/p>\n Sean snickers and says, \u201cMom did always tell me I\u2019d have to learn to love someone despite their looks,\u201d and the rest of the table erupts into laughter\u2014<\/p>\n \u2014and that\u2019s when, for the first time, Eduardo\u2019s tongue darts out, sticks to Sean\u2019s glasses, and flings them down, shattering onto the table. Sharon and Ashleigh jump as Sean yelps, jumping up onto the booth and letting go of Eduardo, who topples to the table, which itself rocks forward by the force of Sean\u2019s jumping, shattering Sean\u2019s actual drinking glass in the process.<\/p>\n To make matters worse, Mark is unceremoniously shoved aside before he can do anything by a girl who shouts, \u201cWhy does\u00a0Mackey<\/em>\u00a0know my\u00a0bra size<\/em>?\u201d and pours the contents of her beer bottle at him, and the table, and everything on the table.<\/p>\n \u201cAmy,\u201d Sean says, hurriedly, drenched in beer and now glasses-less and trying to climb his way around the booth. \u201cWe were just having a bro-talk, he wasn\u2019t supposed to tell you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWasn\u2019t supposed to tell<\/em>\u2014!\u201d<\/p>\n As the Stanford debate team descends into chaos, Eduardo hops over to Mark, a slight cut on his upper arm and looking furious. Even as a frog it\u2019s kind of intimidating.<\/p>\n \u201cGet me out of here,\u201d Eduardo bites out.<\/p>\n Mark doesn\u2019t know if he\u2019s supposed to apologize or what, so he just picks Eduardo up and takes him into his hoodie pocket and scurries away, as Sean Parker and his girlfriends or whatever turn the whole booth into a screaming match.<\/p>\n The entire night has been ridiculous, and Mark is tired or at least overheated, so he treks outside, instantly hit with the cool October air. He breathes in deeply, as he hears Eduardo mutter, \u201cJesus Christ,\u201d from inside his hoodie. The pounding in his head from all the music stops, a mute relief.<\/p>\n \u201cMark,\u201d Eduardo says again, which Mark takes as indication as Eduardo wanting to be taken out again. He\u2019s still a sticky, beer-sopped mess, shaking his head when Mark plucks him out.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the hell was that all about?\u201d Eduardo demands, as Mark wishes he\u2019d taken him out with the end of his sleeve instead of flat in his palm.<\/p>\n Mark winces. \u201cWhat are you talking about,\u201d he mutters, looking off to the side.<\/p>\n \u201cThe whole! Sean Parker! Shit!\u201d Eduardo hops up and down hysterically. It would be funny\u2014well, it still kind of is\u2014even though he sounds absolutely furious. \u201cYou left me to be passed around a fucking\u00a0table<\/em>\u00a0with other fucking people, and I didn\u2019t even want Sean Parker to\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d Mark snaps suddenly. \u201cWhy are you even yelling at me about this? You\u2019re the one who\u2019s a fucking\u00a0frog<\/em>, who\u2019s been kissing people all night, what the fuck\u2019s wrong with Sean Parker?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s\u2014What\u2019s\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0wrong with him, he\u2019s hanging out with underage girls,\u00a0he knew what that one girl\u2019s bra size was<\/em>!\u201d Eduardo huffs and puffs and he\u2019s not doing that thing that frogs do with their vocal sac but he sure looks like he\u2019s about to. \u201cAnd you were just\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt shouldn\u2019t matter what\u00a0I<\/em>\u00a0was doing,\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0just need to get kissed to turn back into a human,\u201d Mark reminds him. \u201cRemember<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, well I doubt Sean Parker would\u2019ve helped that,\u201d Eduardo mutters.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy? What\u2019s wrong with him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s nothing\u2014He\u2019s not\u2014\u201d Eduardo rubs at his little frog face. \u201cIf he was my soulmate, that would crush your dreams with him, wouldn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark opens his mouth\u2014but before he can, to his astonishment, Natalie fucking Portman bursts out of the club, looking harried and slightly drunk like every other coed in there. \u201cOh, it\u2019s nice out,\u201d she says, before she spies Mark right outside the entrance. \u201cOh. Hi?\u201d She squints. \u201cAre you holding a frog?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark can\u2019t speak.<\/p>\n Eduardo seems to be shocked into the same silence as he has, until she asks, in which case Eduardo immediately clears his throat. \u201cHi,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n Natalie fucking Portman nearly jumps. \u201cOh! A talking frog,\u201d she says, and then laughs. \u201cDidn\u2019t expect that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere the fuck is Dustin,\u201d Mark mutters from the corner of his mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cNo idea,\u201d Eduardo mutters back, \u201cbut he is going to shit his pants.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re friends with the frog?\u201d Natalie fucking Portman asks Mark.<\/p>\n Mark coughs, and then says, \u201cUm, my friend is\u2014Would you mind doing us a favor?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDepends,\u201d Natalie fucking Portman chuckles. \u201cAre you going to ask for my autograph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d Eduardo says, the same time Mark says, \u201cWould you mind kissing my friend, he\u2019s the frog\u2014I mean, kiss my frog, he\u2019s my friend\u2014it\u2019s basically the same thing\u2014can you kiss my frog and turn him back into a human?\u201d<\/p>\n Natalie fucking Portman looks between Eduardo and Mark, amused. \u201cYou do realize I\u2019m not actually a princess, right?\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re close,\u201d Eduardo points out.<\/p>\n \u201cActors aren\u2019t the same as the people they play,\u201d Natalie fucking Portman says, but she also says, \u201cSure,\u201d and plucks Eduardo out of Mark\u2019s hands, and neither of them complains.<\/p>\n \u201cNo offense,\u201d Eduardo says, as Natalie fucking Portman brings him to her face, \u201cbut\u00a0The Phantom Menace<\/em>\u00a0was really bad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought so, too,\u201d Natalie fucking Portman says earnestly, before kissing him on the lips.<\/p>\n Mark closes his eyes\u2014but when he opens them, nothing happens. It\u2019s\u2014well, it\u2019s something both like relief and disappointment, because it\u2019d be pretty cool to have Natalie Portman dating Eduardo or something. Or in their friend group. It\u2019s just Natalie fucking Portman, and now both Mark and Eduardo can boast to Chris and Dustin that they saw her and got a kiss from her (Mark more vicariously, but. Details.)<\/p>\n Anyway, Natalie fucking Portman says, \u201cDamn,\u201d but she\u2019s smiling, and hands Eduardo back off to Mark. \u201cWell, we tried.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe tried,\u201d Eduardo echoes.<\/p>\n Mark doesn\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going to head back inside,\u201d Natalie fucking Portman says. \u201cBut you guys have a good night, alright?\u201d She waves, and then goes back into the club, Mark and Eduardo staring after her.<\/p>\n \u201cDid that just really happen,\u201d Mark says.<\/p>\n Eduardo seems to still be as starstruck as him. \u201cI guess it did.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark starts walking down the street, because if Natalie Portman can\u2019t bring Eduardo back to a human, he doesn\u2019t know what can. He doesn\u2019t know what Eduardo is thinking, but Mark\u2019s own mind is a jumble between holy-shit-Sean-Parker, holy-shit-Natalie-Portman, and holy-shit-Eduardo\u2019s-kissed-so-many-people-tonight-and-I-had-to-witness-every-single-one-of-them. The autumn air is blissful against his warm cheeks, at least, and he makes his way down a couple of blocks to where he can see some green despite the night air.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe Natalie Portman didn\u2019t turn you back,\u201d Mark says, after some time has passed.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you wanted her to be my soulmate?\u201d Eduardo asks. \u201cOr because she\u2019s basically a princess?<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0right that actors aren\u2019t the same people they play,\u201d Mark says pointedly. \u201cBut yeah, more that one.\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo hums. \u201cPseudo-royalty is the same as royalty, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n Up ahead, Mark can hear a light rush of water, like a fountain, and figures Eduardo can probably use a rinse. \u201cI can\u2019t believe tonight happened,\u201d Mark says, loosening his fist and adjusting Eduardo in his palm.<\/p>\n Eduardo rights himself and looks up at Mark. \u201cIt\u2019s still not over, you know,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I know,\u201d says Mark. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t have tried to talk to the Winklevii even if my life counted on it before, though.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re not bad,\u201d says Eduardo, and Mark snorts. \u201cReally. They could be a lot worse. Like Sean Parker.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSean Parker\u2019s not bad either,\u201d Mark says.<\/p>\n He stops at the fountain, having easily found it, and puts Eduardo on the stone ledge. Instead of dipping in right away, though, Eduardo says to him, \u201cWhat\u2019s your deal with him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean, what\u2019s my deal with him?\u201d Mark says, bewildered. \u201cWhat\u2019s\u00a0your<\/em>\u00a0deal with him? You\u2019re the one who got all pissed off.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI got pissed off because random strangers were passing me around from hand to hand while you and Sean Parker had some sort of heart-to-heart or whatever.\u201d It sounds like Eduardo\u2019s trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but he\u2019s bad at it.<\/p>\n He does have a point, with the strangers thing. Mark glances away. \u201cSorry, I\u2026 I did kind of get distracted,\u201d he admits, observing the night sky.<\/p>\n \u201cNo shit,\u201d Eduardo mutters, before slipping into the fountain water.<\/p>\n Something from before strikes Mark\u2019s memory though, and he says, \u201cHey\u2014wait. What did you mean about earlier?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d says Eduardo, tiny green body swimming in the fountain. It\u2019s kind of discombobulating because he\u2019s swimming like how a human would, but that\u2019s not important right now.<\/p>\n \u201cYou said that if you kissed Sean and he turned out to turn you back, it would crush my dreams or\u2014whatever,\u201d Mark says. \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think it means?\u201d Eduardo says. His voice is strangely hard. \u201cYou\u2019ve got a crush the size of a galaxy on him.\u201d<\/p>\n Baffled, Mark says, \u201cNo, I\u2014Why would you think that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you basically ditched me to meet him?\u201d Eduardo hops back on the stone ledge of the fountain, which Mark has taken to leaning against. \u201cAnd he\u2019s a skeevy asshole, too, so I didn\u2019t even want to kiss him in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell I don\u2019t have a crush on him,\u201d Mark says brusquely. \u201cYou kissed a lot of people tonight, anyway. I don\u2019t see how it might\u2019ve made a difference.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt would\u2019ve made a difference because a lot of the people I kissed tonight I actually\u00a0wanted<\/em>\u00a0to kiss,\u201d says Eduardo. \u201cIf there was someone I didn\u2019t want to kiss, then I wouldn\u2019t kiss them.\u201d<\/p>\n Oh. \u201cOh,\u201d Mark replies, just barely, because he\u2019s been with Eduardo all evening and the whole time he\u2019s been helping Eduardo navigate around, look for so many different people to kiss, to see if they\u2019re his soulmate or some shit, or at least\u00a0break the spell<\/em>\u2014so many people, and Eduardo hasn\u2019t kissed\u00a0him<\/em>once. Not like Mark wants to, anyway, because he doubts\u2014knows<\/em>\u00a0that he\u2019s not going to do shit, and then it\u2019ll be awkward, and stupid, and Mark will be disappointed in himself for just\u2026 being Mark. When Eduardo is cool and likable and managed to successfully flirt with so many people tonight while being a fucking frog.<\/p>\n Then Eduardo says, \u201cDo you want to try to do it?\u201d<\/p>\n Mark is so wrapped up in his thoughts he\u2019s not sure if he heard Eduardo right. \u201cTry to do what?\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo lets out a patient sigh. \u201cDo you want to try and kiss me?\u201d he says. \u201cSeeing as you haven\u2019t yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2026 haven\u2019t.\u201d Mark looks down to Eduardo, trying to be nonchalant. \u201cDo you want me to?\u201d<\/p>\n Eduardo rolls his eyes. \u201cI asked, dumbass,\u201d he says, which makes Mark\u2019s mouth quirk and dimple beyond his volition.<\/p>\n He picks Eduardo up. \u201cI might as well,\u201d Mark tells him, though he\u2019s pretty sure it\u2019s not going to work. It didn\u2019t work with Natalie fucking Portman\u2014well, anyway. Mark\u2019s not too sure if he\u2019s resigned to his best friend being a frog forever, but admittedly this is only the first night of a probable many.<\/p>\n \u201cYou better not taste like Red Bull and vodka,\u201d Eduardo says seriously, before Mark brings Eduardo over to his lips.<\/p>\n The effect is near immediate\u2014one moment Mark is holding Eduardo as a tiny squishy thing in his hands, and the next Eduardo has rematerialized, in his omnipresent suit and slacks, hair and face slightly damp but otherwise looking relatively normal. He nearly stumbles and rights himself.<\/p>\n Mark\u2019s hands are holding onto thin air and he gapes.<\/p>\n Laughter bubbles out from Eduardo\u2019s throat and he goes, \u201cMark<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoly fuck,\u201d Mark says, but then Eduardo is leaning down and putting his hands on Mark\u2019s knees and kissing him on the mouth for\u00a0real<\/em>\u00a0this time, properly, the wet strands of his hair brushing against Mark\u2019s forehead and his hands coming up to cup Mark\u2019s face. Mark presses back, but then Eduardo pulls back to breathe and Mark says again, low this time, \u201cHoly fuck<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d Eduardo says, and pulls away. \u201cI\u2014You\u2014I\u2019m back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re back,\u201d Mark echoes, then grins. He stands up, and he doesn\u2019t know what Eduardo is about to step back for but he doesn\u2019t let him, keeping their hands interlocked. \u201cYou\u2019re not a fucking frog anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not,\u201d Eduardo says sincerely, and Mark is the one who kisses him this time, slow and sweet and he\u2019s not the most experienced kisser but it\u2019s still better than all the fake-frog kisses Eduardo\u2019s been getting all night.<\/p>\n Eduardo makes a happy noise in Mark\u2019s mouth, which makes Mark\u2019s spine shiver and his heart do a pulsing thing. \u201cYou fucking\u2014I can\u2019t believe this,\u201d Eduardo says, as he keeps kissing Mark\u2019s mouth. \u201cOf\u00a0course<\/em>\u00a0it was you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean, of course?\u201d Mark says, though he can\u2019t stop smiling. \u201cYou\u2019re the one who thought I had a crush on Sean Parker, I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, well you obviously don\u2019t.\u201d Eduardo is starting to kiss at Mark\u2019s jaw, and he really better not make Mark pop a boner while they\u2019re outside and like, right next door to BU campus. \u201cSince you\u2019re the one who broke the spell and all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShut up,\u201d Mark says, and shoves his hands into Eduardo\u2019s. \u201cYou kissed, like, fifty people tonight, so you\u2019re going to have to make up for that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs that a challenge?\u201d Eduardo says. He pulls back but he\u2019s beaming, and Mark wants to make out with him on the T back to Harvard and then back in Kirkland, or maybe Eliot where Eduardo has a single. \u201cIf it\u2019s any consolation, you\u2019re my best kiss all night.\u201d<\/p>\n Mark snorts. \u201cI better be,\u201d and Eduardo presses a kiss on his mouth again, and screw it if this isn\u2019t a life lesson or a fairy tale ending, because it\u2019s definitely good enough.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"