{"id":2058,"date":"2012-11-09T01:56:40","date_gmt":"2012-11-09T05:56:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/?p=2058"},"modified":"2025-01-05T02:10:56","modified_gmt":"2025-01-05T06:10:56","slug":"two-with","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/2058\/","title":{"rendered":"Two With"},"content":{"rendered":"

It had to be the stupidest thing he’d ever done. Fuck, he didn’t even like<\/em> the kid–it was all ’cause Kyle had said, “You’re kind of obvious about it, fatass,” and Kenny had mumbled something that sounded like, “Yeah, just like, ask him to the prom or something,” and Cartman was going to do it to prove that he didn’t<\/em> like Butters.<\/p>\n

Hell, no way did Cartman like him. Like, what kind of idiot would? Butters repelled girls and<\/em>guys–although maybe moreso girls, because what kind of girl would like some pussy like him? They would go more for Cartman’s type: big, and beefy, and manly. Although Butters was sort of like a girl which was probably why he repelled them… except for the lesbians… fuck, Cartman wasn’t a lesbian!<\/p>\n

He shook his head and wondered, again<\/em>, how he found himself here. Because, um. He didn’t like Butters. And this flower here in his hand–well, it was all, for, you know. He was giving Ms. Stotch a present. Yeah. Except he didn’t want to give it to her directly, so he was giving it to Butters because Butters was his… friend. Yeah. Butters was his friend.<\/p>\n

When he knocked on the door, Butters’s little head popped out of the window above. The wind blew the little tufts of blond hair against his face.<\/p>\n

“Oh, hey Eric!” said Butters cheerfully. “Whatcha got there?”<\/p>\n

“Come down here Butters, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” Cartman said gruffly. Or, at least, he hoped he’d said it gruffly. It’d make up for his image, considering he was holding a dandelion and all.<\/p>\n

“Okay!” said Butters, and he shut the windows happily–Cartman didn’t know how, but apparently you could<\/em> shut windows happily–although no surprise, considering it was Butters.<\/p>\n

A few seconds later, the door was opened.<\/p>\n

“What is it, Eric?” said Butters. He beamed when he saw the dandelion in Cartman’s hand. “Is that for me?”<\/p>\n

“Uh, no,” said Cartman, shoving it into his pocket. “Um, listen. Um.”<\/p>\n

He remembered what Kenny said. Just ask him to the prom, or something.<\/em> Well, Kenny was stupid. And didn’t know anything.<\/p>\n

But the prom was<\/em> coming up. And, well. It could be fun, like, dragging Butters along or something. And getting him punch. And, well. Butters wouldn’t look too bad in like, a little tuxedo or something. Or maybe Cartman could make him wear something humiliating. Yeah.<\/p>\n

Cartman cleared his throat. Butters was still looking at him expectantly, and smiling.<\/p>\n

“So, uh. That gay dance that’s coming up,” he said to Butters, who brightened up at the mere mention of it. Ugh.<\/p>\n

“You mean prom?” Butters said. “Yeah? What about it?”<\/p>\n

“I, uh,” said Cartman. “Well. You see.”<\/p>\n

He stopped. And then started again.<\/p>\n

“So the guys were being assholes and they were making fun of me ’cause I kept turning all these girls down, ’cause everyone wants this body, y’know? But I was like, no, I wanted to go with the best and the most perfect girl to prom–which is Heidi Turner, of course–but then she was the only girl who didn’t ask me ’cause she already had a date and then all the girls who’d asked me had dates when I asked them about it, ’cause I was obviously<\/em> their first choice but they got to their second choice too soon. So then the guys made fun of me some more and told me that I should at least go with a guy who resembles<\/em> a chick, so here we are.”<\/p>\n

Butters stared at him.<\/p>\n

“You’re… You’re asking me to prom, Eric?”<\/p>\n

“Yes!” Cartman sighed exasperatedly. “Duh<\/em>, Butters! Couldn’t have I been clearer?”<\/p>\n

“Just a lil’ bit,” said Butters, “but I think I got it!” And then he beamed and hugged Cartman, which completely caught him off-guard.<\/p>\n

“Uh,” said Cartman, patting Butters on the shoulder with one hand. “So is that a yes?”<\/p>\n

“Of course it is,” said Butters, pulling back. “Oh, gosh Eric, I’m so glad you asked me! I woulda been grounded if I went without a date.”<\/p>\n

“Um,” Cartman said.<\/p>\n

“I’m going to go tell my parents!” said Butters. “That I’m not going to prom alone!”<\/p>\n

“Oh. Okay,” said Cartman, as Butters ran towards the kitchen, or the living room, or wherever his parents were. “Wait, Butters!” he said, as his hand instinctively reached into his jacket pocket.<\/p>\n

Butters turned around from entering the kitchen. “Yeah?”<\/p>\n

Cartman debated with himself for a moment, then decided, screw it, and tossed the bent dandelion towards Butters. It wasn’t perfect, but Butters picked it up and straightened it and smiled anyways.<\/p>\n

“Just keep it,” he mumbled, and walked off with burning cheeks as Butters did a little happy dance behind him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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