{"id":452,"date":"2015-12-18T21:33:13","date_gmt":"2015-12-19T01:33:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/?p=452"},"modified":"2023-05-26T00:16:16","modified_gmt":"2023-05-26T04:16:16","slug":"the-clearing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/452\/","title":{"rendered":"The Clearing"},"content":{"rendered":"

Taylor knows how the industry is. Word goes around, One Direction\u2019s the next big thing, she sees them on gossip sites all the time, dabbles on their Youtube channel, looks them up. Her relationships are never under the radar; her PR team lets them blow up all the time, and okay, so Taylor\u2019s kind of a romantic, believes that she can still have a meaningful relationship under the spotlight: she gets really invested, and sometimes, each time, thinks, this is the one<\/em>.<\/p>\n

It rarely works out\u2014never, rather, considering that she\u2019s single now and fingering through her RSVP to the Kids\u2019 Choice Awards (only a formality, as everything else works online.) But it makes for good song material and that\u2019s what puts bread on the table, plus a lot more, so there\u2019s not much to complain about.<\/p>\n

\n

Gossip reaches her ears and she ignores it. The KCAs are as wonderful as they can get, but she finds Selena and hangs out with her anyway. The One Direction boys are here and perform their \u201cWhat Makes You Beautiful\u201d song, and before she knows it, afterward, she\u2019s being swept backstage and the \u201cWhat Makes You Beautiful\u201d boys are standing in front of her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cHi,\u201d she says, smiling big at them. They\u2019re new in the industry, testing their joints out; they glance at each other and she sticks her hand out. \u201cI\u2019m Taylor Swift.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWe know,\u201d chortles one, as another reaches out to take her hand. He\u2019s flannel and smiley. Taylor nods appreciatively at him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cBut of course you don\u2019t know us,\u201d says a third, and the curly-haired one next to him nudges him pointedly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor\u2019s eyes immediately fasten to the pointy haired one\u2014he\u2019s staring pointedly at the guy who\u2019s now speaking, going, \u201cI\u2019m Louis, that\u2019s Liam,\u201d flannel guy, \u201cHarry,\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry,<\/em> Taylor remembers, saves for later,<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cNiall, and Zayn. And you\u2019re Taylor Swift,\u201d he says, cheekily.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cAnd I\u2019m Taylor Swift.\u201d Taylor laughs a little and gestures uselessly at them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWe love your work,\u201d Niall bursts, suddenly. \u201cHarry especially.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cNiall<\/em>.\u201d Harry looks scandalized.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

But Taylor feels her cheeks warm and there\u2019s just this strange pull<\/em>\u00a0of Harry\u2019s gaze, she can\u2019t take her eyes off, keep her eyes off of him. She laughs again and says, \u201cOh really?\u201d looking at Harry.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry stares at her for a moment, before he\u2019s nodding in assent. The other boys laugh at him, but he says, \u201cYeah, um. Yeah.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor glances away quickly, but catches his eye a second later to see that he\u2019s still watching her. The hot tug in her chest drops into her stomach like a bomb. Her cheeks are even hotter now.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s,\u201d she fans her face, giggles. Oh god, she\u2019s reached giggle<\/em>\u00a0territory. \u201cThat\u2019s very lovely, thank you, Harry.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry blinks at her. A beatific grin stretches across his face, and he nods a little. \u201cYou\u2019re welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor\u2019s heart does backflips even hours, days, weeks after the conversation.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor can\u2019t shut up about Harry, but only because they\u2019d exchanged numbers. It\u2019d been in secret, after the One Direction boys had gone out to socialize at the after party and Harry had doubled back and met her against the wall. Taylor couldn\u2019t stop meeting his eyes and couldn\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0meet his eyes and sometimes looked at his mouth too long.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They didn\u2019t kiss, at risk for getting caught, but he\u2019d smiled and asked if he could catch her later, you know, cellular wise, and she\u2019d laughed and said sure.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Selena and Justin pretend they don\u2019t know about the number thing, but she talks endlessly about Harry with them anyway. They\u2019re good sports enough to not even tell her to shut up; sometimes when she gets a text and brightens up Selena will say dramatically, \u201cOh, it\u2019s Prince Harry<\/em>\u00a0again,\u201d and Justin will join in, \u201cPrince Harry<\/em>,\u201d in an awful accent and Taylor will say, seriously, \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure that\u2019s not even his accent, you sound all, like, cockney or whatever.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Selena nudges her shoulder and snickers. \u201cYou don\u2019t even know what a cockney accent is.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI know it\u2019s not the type of British accent he has,\u201d Taylor says to her, tapping out a reply.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cIs he from Surrey<\/em>?\u201d Justin says, taking on a different accent. \u201cLike Harry Potter?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOoh!\u201d Selena finger guns at Justin in the backseat. \u201cHarry<\/em>\u00a0Potter.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI\u2019m pretty sure he\u2019s heard that one before,\u201d says Taylor, rolling her eyes.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

On the less embarrassing side, she actually doesn\u2019t keep up with One Direction news, mostly because it\u2019s herded by fangirls from all over the place that it\u2019s hard to keep track when they\u2019re being talked about all the time. She has her own career to tend to, and Harry sends really hilarious inane things like, I wonder if owning a chicken farm is a worthy investment<\/em>\u00a0and Do you suppose there\u2019s a career in bubble blowing?<\/em>\u00a0and she sends back, Your bandmates would probably be ecstatic to be part-time chicken hands<\/em>\u00a0and I should show you New York sometime.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

You should keep that promise<\/em>, Harry writes back.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It\u2019s not until well in the summer Taylor hears about her name being dropped in One Direction interviews. She rolls her eyes, but texts Harry anyway, saying that if he\u2019s touring in the U.S., he might as well visit her if he\u2019s around. He texts back something indecipherable and probably witty, if she were that kind of person, but she just sends him her address and lets him decide what to do with it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

So he shows up on her front porch a couple of days later.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He\u2019s disguised, though Taylor recognizes him right away. Her chest does that hot jumpy thing again, and her throat tickles like her heart might come out of it. \u201cWell look who we have here,\u201d she says, feigning surprise. \u201cBatman.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry puts a hand up to his mouth. His curls are wild around the black top. \u201cTaylor Swift,\u201d he says, in a horrible Bruce Wayne impression. \u201cI\u2019ve come to take you hostage.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor laughs and steps aside to let him in. \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure Batman\u2019s a good guy,\u201d she says to him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry rips off his mask once she closes the door. \u201cPlot twist,\u201d he says, in his normal American accent. \u201cI\u2019m Harry Styles!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor gasps dramatically, pretending to fall against the railing of her staircase. \u201cHarry Styles is Batman<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI hope you let me leave with a souvenir, because the boys are going to give me so much shite for this.\u201d Harry looks around, nodding approvingly. \u201cNice place.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t just walk into my house and demand a souvenir,\u201d Taylor says teasingly. She leads him out of the parlor and into the kitchen, fetching a pail of water.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry continues looking around, at the pictures of her family on the shelves and tables. \u201cThen I really will have to take you ho\u2014ahh!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

There is the assuming sound of a hiss and a tackle, and Harry yelping a little as Meredith clings to his ankle. Taylor turns around, snickering a little as Harry makes very non-violent attempts to get Taylor\u2019s cat off of him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI probably should\u2019ve warned you about Meredith,\u201d she says thoughtfully, handing Harry a glass of water. \u201cHere.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry looks at her incredulously. \u201cYou\u2019re giving me water but you\u2019re not going to stop your cat from attacking me?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor shrugs. Harry takes the water anyway. \u201cYou\u2019ve got to make her like you somehow,\u201d she says, pouring a glass for herself. She turns and watches as Harry stares reproachfully down at Meredith, who is clinging to the hem of his pant leg and refusing to let go.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He sighs, though not long sufferingly. \u201cI suppose, if I plan on coming here in the future,\u201d he says. He slowly picks his foot up until Meredith is over a foot off the ground, scrabbling and clinging on for dear life. \u201cHi there, Meredith,\u201d he says, voice fond. \u201cIt\u2019s nice to meet you too.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Meredith stays for a couple of seconds, hisses in defeat, and then springs off, landing on all floors on the kitchen tile.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry laughs. He\u2019s got a deep, light laugh, along with his mouth, taking over his face in such a stunning way that Taylor can\u2019t seem to take her eyes off of him. She watches his lips dismally, the way they curve into a smile as he watches Meredith skitter off.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cCan I kiss you?\u201d she asks, suddenly. Harry swivels around, but she knows she\u2019s blushing, swirls the glass of water in her hands. She averts her gaze somewhere near the ground. \u201cI mean, I know we\u2019ve only been together face to face only a handful of times, and I really like you, I, I can\u2019t explain it, you know, before I told myself to wait all the time, but then I waited too much so I told myself to go for it all the time, but now I\u2019m thinking maybe that if I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She\u2019s cut off when Harry\u2019s hands cup around her face, big and gentle. He tilts her face up until he\u2019s looking into his bright green eyes, which are\u2014curious, wanting. Searching hers.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYes, you can kiss me, Taylor,\u201d he says, so simply and slow that she half-snorts into his palm.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWhy do you always sound so smooth<\/em>?\u201d she asks, mostly to herself.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The corner of Harry\u2019s eyes crinkle when he smiles. \u201cBelieve me,\u201d he says. \u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Their first kiss is only that, lingering and innocent in Taylor\u2019s kitchen, and absolutely does not resolve the pool of heat in Taylor\u2019s stomach, that feels stupidly like a little bit of lust and a lot of something else she can\u2019t quite place. She\u2019s felt it before, because that\u2019s what gets these things going, gets her so emotionally invested all the time\u2014the big declarations, the lakeside picnic dates, the two a.m. arguments, blah blah. This is it, kind of, and she can imagine her parents, her PR team, her manager, smiling and going oh no not again<\/em>. Taylor has started to say it to herself when she\u2019s doing her makeup and thinking of Harry and smudges her lipstick on her grin.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

But the kiss hadn\u2019t been much, because they\u2019d smiled at each other afterward and then watched a movie in Taylor\u2019s DVR and neither of them are stupid enough to kiss at the doorstep, so they say goodbye before opening the door. Taylor wraps her arms around herself and watches Harry go and wonders what kind of songs she\u2019ll write about him in the future.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The press, of course, are all over it, at least all over what they can scavenge. Harry Styles is the world\u2019s biggest heartthrob and Taylor is the world\u2019s biggest\u2014well, Selena says that there\u2019s no female equivalent of \u2018heartthrob\u2019 and that Taylor\u2019s kind of her own category. Taylor says she\u2019ll take it. Selena snorts and says, \u201cBelieve me, you\u2019re the only one that would.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He visits her the week after the next, and they make cookies together and lick the cookie dough off each other\u2019s fingertips and joke about getting salmonella. Harry kisses her against the counter of her kitchen island and whispers that she should come back to his tour bus sometime.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor pulls away and raises her eyebrows at him. \u201cReally?\u201d she says, though a little breathless because he\u2019d just had his tongue in her mouth, after all.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry cocks his head to the side, presumably thinking of his bandmates. \u201cOn second thought,\u201d he says, \u201cyour house is lovely enough.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cEnough.\u201d Taylor snorts and dabs some cookie dough on his nose.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He scrunches it, adorably. \u201cHey,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cMy house is extraordinary<\/em>\u00a0lovely,\u201d she says, in an exaggerated what she hopes is a British accent.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYour accent is extraordinary<\/em>\u00a0awful.\u201d Harry\u2019s grinning. \u201cWhat is that, even. Manchester?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI have no idea, but you should teach me about all about your British accents one day,\u201d says Taylor, pulling away to check on the cookies under the oven light. \u201cAnd I\u2019ll have you know that you are a very welcome guest here in my lovely<\/em>\u00a0home. Meredith hasn\u2019t peed on your shoes yet.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take that as a good sign,\u201d says Harry, laughing. \u201cHow are the cookies?\u201d He bends down to look at them with her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cAcceptable.\u201d Taylor glances at him for a moment, before poking his side. Harry jumps, clutching his side and pressing giggles into the collar of his shirt.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor\u2019s eyes widen, with mischief. \u201cOh my god,\u201d she says. \u201cAre you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cNo<\/em>,\u201d Harry moans, \u201cI have to put up with this from Louis already\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cTicklish<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

What started out as an innocent chase-and-tickle fight ends up in a messy pillow fight on the living room floor, an absentminded make out session with Taylor\u2019s lipstick prints smudged on Harry\u2019s chin, the wrath of Meredith\u2019s claws at both their ankles, and slightly burnt cookies.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They\u2019re delicious, anyway.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

So this is how her week goes, though Harry isn\u2019t predictable and never comes on the same day of the week. When he texts her one Wednesday with, Are you home? Rang doorbell and stood for 20 mins, but no answer :(<\/em>\u00a0she laughs and tells him to let her know first.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They don\u2019t talk about it, and some reporter starts linking her to Connor Kennedy, who\u2019s nice and Harry\u2019s age but not Harry. They laugh about it and kiss on her couch, and one time when they\u2019re both in the same city at the same time she texts him and he texts her and they meet up in his hotel room. \u201cDifferent scenery,\u201d he says, when they\u2019re lounging on the suite\u2019s sofa.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor laughs and nudges him. \u201cThis is the Marriott,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure we\u2019ve both seen this before.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He kisses her rested against his arm and they tell stories about when they were little, when she went to science camp and wore braces and when he sang in front of his class as a five year old and peed his pants.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She still doesn\u2019t look for news about him, or her, or the both of them, but she gets messages sent to her personal email about them anyway. At first she thinks they\u2019re from Harry himself, until she brings up the MTV video awards one. He looks at her with alarm before muttering, \u201cLouis<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor emails back next time, Thanks for the updates, Louis<\/em>\u00a0and gets a winky face and an xoxo back.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry is low-profile, when he wants to be. She\u2019s caught candid pictures on the internet, but her PR team never messages her about him leaving her house, and Selena never freaks out at her, even though they all know. She\u2019s really not sure how he manages the sneaking in and out thing, but when she asks him he shrugs and says, \u201cMaybe I have a forgettable face?\u201d He twists his face up a little, bunching his mouth and furrowing his eyebrows.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She covers him up with her hand. \u201cYou look ridiculous.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWell yeah, I look ridiculous now that I\u2019ve got a hand on my face,\u201d Harry says very pointedly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Something wet and cold touches her hand.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor yelps and pushes him back, though it just lands her on the floor from where she\u2019d been sitting on his lap and him looking a little dazed in the armchair. \u201cDid you just lick my hand?\u201d she asks, unfazed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry lifts his arms up above his head and cheers, \u201cI\u2019ve got rid of it! I\u2019ve got rid of the face blemish!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOh shut up, my hand is not a blemish.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She doesn\u2019t think he has a forgettable face but she doubts he does either, really, with the attention they have. They get tired of staying cooped up in Taylor\u2019s house and go out and venture more, though Taylor\u2019s PR team and then later\u00a0<\/em>Harry\u2019s both come up to them and tell them to be more careful. They spend one day indoors after that just to appease them, but Taylor\u2019s happy with it if it means Harry trying to feed her chocolate covered strawberries and getting too caught up in eating them himself.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She doesn\u2019t drop the word boyfriend<\/em>\u00a0around him, yet, though she thinks it. One day his phone rings while he\u2019s at her house and they\u2019re making pie this time, and he pulls away into the living room to answer it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor\u2019s heart hasn\u2019t stopped doing the stupid thump-thump<\/em> thing, though it\u2019s faded into the background, like she\u2019s used to it. She smiles a little and continues on with the ingredients, letting Harry his privacy.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Then while he\u2019s pacing between the open walkway, she hears him say, \u201c\u2014my girlfriend, Mum, but you can\u2019t expect us to\u2014\u201d and stares at the mixing bowl for a bit.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She\u2019s smiling when he walks back into the room.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cSorry about that,\u201d he says, looking a little breathless. \u201cJust\u2014my mum wants us to fly out to visit my family sometime soon. If that\u2019s okay? They know about us, as I\u2019m sure your family does\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cThey do,\u201d Taylor affirms.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201c\u2014but after what happened with.\u201d Harry makes a vague gesture and rolls his eyes. \u201cAnyway. I was wondering if you\u2019ve got some free time in your schedule to fly out to visit. Unless that\u2019s too fast?\u201d he adds, quickly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor taps her chin, pretending to look thoughtful. Of course it\u2019s too fast, but no one knows and she\u2019s sure Harry\u2019s family is as delightful as he is and she always does things too fast. And he\u2019d called her his girlfriend.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI mean, between the fashion show, and my tour coming up, and the X Factor,\u201d she says, fighting a smile. \u201cI\u2019m not quite sure if I have room\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry bites his lip, nervously.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor flicks some frosting at him and laughs when he yelps. \u201cOf course I\u2019ll visit your family, if you want me to,\u201d she says, beaming. \u201cWe\u2019ll find time, I\u2019m pretty sure.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry\u2019s expression is startled, but it brightens up pretty quickly. \u201c\u2018Course,\u201d he says, and walks over to her. \u201cI can\u2019t wait for you to meet them.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYou better show me the bakery you worked in,\u201d Taylor says earnestly, and Harry laughs.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The trip to London is sleepy and boring because they have to take separate flights at separate times, in order to avoid getting caught by the paparazzo. Taylor is driven from London to Cheshire, napping on her bag and tipping the driver outrageously when she reaches the stop.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry had sent her directions to duck in from the back, so Taylor first makes sure she\u2019s not being tailed before following them. She\u2019d been told that the back door would be unlocked, and lets herself in graciously when she finds that it is.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry\u2019s house is clean but lived in, with enough tell-tale signs that it belongs to an eighteen year old boy. Video game controllers lie strewn around what appears to be the living room, and there are empty bags of chips here and there, especially one in the middle of the dining table. Taylor rolls her eyes and tosses it in the trash can, before heading up to where Harry\u2019s room must undeniably be.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She hears footsteps as she\u2019s climbing up and then Harry\u2019s appeared around the corner, stopping at the sight of her. \u201cYou made it out safe!\u201d he says, bounding down toward her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor rolls her eyes as they meet each other halfway. \u201cI\u2019m glad you pointed that out,\u201d she says, dryly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry tucks her hair back behind her ear, some stupid habit he picked up last week. \u201cOh hush, I\u2019m a worrier,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She giggles against him. \u201cI\u2019ll bet,\u201d she says. Harry smells a little bit like clean laundry. \u201cWere you just sleeping?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cMy internal clock\u2019s botched because of the time difference, okay,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI\u2019m pretty sure I don\u2019t have an internal clock anymore because of how much I\u2019ve traveled,\u201d she agrees. \u201cAnd let me guess: you ate chips for dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry frowns for a minute\u2014then clarity. \u201cBreakfast, really,\u201d he says. His arms are still around her shoulders.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She giggles and leans into him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor joins him in his bed because honestly a nap sounds good to her, too. They wake up later in the day and try to make food in Harry\u2019s kitchen, but as it turns out he doesn\u2019t have much to make with so they order takeout and mess with each other and their kebabs.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She meets his family the next day, Harry\u2019s parents and older sister who are as kind as she\u2019d expected. She tells them that she likes them better than Harry and they say they like her better than Harry too. Harry pouts and Taylor kisses his cheek. They all go out for dinner and Harry\u2019s bodyguards and whatnot ward off the paparazzi.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor\u2019s scheduled to spend only a week with him or else people will notice her absence\u2014personal days are fine and her closest friends know about it, but too long and people will start to wonder. Regardless, Taylor is sure that this is one of the best weeks of her life, hanging off of Harry\u2019s arm and seeing tourist-y U.K. stuff with him, wearing disguises and blending in with the crowd.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll never know,\u201d Harry murmurs to her as they stroll down the street, \u201chow many comments I\u2019ve gotten about how much I look like Harry Styles.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOh my god,\u201d Taylor gasps dramatically, looking at him through her shades. \u201cAre you Harry Styles?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cMy name\u2019s Frank,\u201d says Harry, seriously, \u201cand I\u2019m a gym instructor.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor bursts into laughter when Harry starts doing exaggerated squats.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

This is it<\/em>, she thinks, later, when it\u2019s evening and they\u2019re crowded on Harry\u2019s couch and she\u2019s lying on top of him, stomach to stomach. He has to strain to look at her and sometimes his voice cracks when he speaks, but he doesn\u2019t complain after the first time and grins up at her as she attempts to braid his hair.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The rest of Harry\u2019s house is quiet and they have a handful of candles going on the coffee table, even though Taylor has seen him trip over so many things on the ground that she\u2019s pretty sure it\u2019s a hazard. He insists that he won\u2019t knock anything over because it\u2019s on a table, but she made him push the coffee table a safe spot away so they could hang out on the couch.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She doesn\u2019t know where they went from a movie to playing FIFA (which she is terrible at, no surprise) to here, Harry with some hipster polaroid camera and Taylor trying to tie little braids into his hair. He smirks each time her knuckle brushes against his nose and she whines, \u201cHold\u00a0still<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cShan\u2019t,\u201d says Harry.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor frowns at him and watches as he makes a duck face into the front of his camera. \u201cAre you really taking selfies with that thing?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cTrying to,\u201d Harry says, emphatically. He snaps and then yelps. \u201cAh! That\u2019s bright.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cNo kidding,\u201d Taylor scoffs. She lets his hair go, giving up. She picks up the polaroid from his chest.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cThis is horrible,\u201d she says, lifting it up and brandishing it in his face. The photo has a bright white spot of Harry\u2019s forehead and a single eye, and the rest of it is blackened out. \u201cThat\u2019s why I told you to hold still.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cPretty sure you told me that so you could defile my hair,\u201d says Harry, though with a grin. \u201cCome, let\u2019s take one together.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cAlright, but you better keep a scrapbook of this,\u201d says Taylor.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWho in the world scrapbooks<\/em>\u00a0these days?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI do,\u201d says Taylor, before leaning across the front of his chest to angle her face in the camera\u2019s shot.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry aims down at the both of them, her face tucked into his neck, and says, \u201cSay cheese.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cCheese,\u201d Taylor says, before Harry takes the picture.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The light is really bright, but both of them are ready for it so it doesn\u2019t take either of them by surprise. Taylor gets it first, off of where it\u2019d fallen on Harry\u2019s chest, and looks at it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

This is it<\/em>, she thinks. Their faces are lit up, from the orange of the candles in the background, bright and screaming happy. The rest of it is dimmed out, and Taylor can watch it turn greyscale, faded into the background, and this is it<\/em>, she thinks, the night that she will write about, one day, Harry\u2019s heart warm and beating against her own.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The first time they have sex is Taylor\u2019s last day in Europe, and it\u2019s the last night and they\u2019re both a little giggly because they had wine over dinner. Anne had told her that she thought Taylor was good for Harry and Gemma had given her a small notebook as a present, along with her own blessing. In good spirits Taylor and Harry had gone back to Harry\u2019s together, kissing and giggling against each other, then slowing and gasping and slipping their clothes off in a beige colored haze.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Afterward, when Harry has tossed away the condom and they\u2019ve cleaned each other up in the shower, Harry says he\u2019s starving. Taylor rolls her eyes and says, \u201cBoys<\/em>,\u201d but lets herself be led into the kitchen.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry prowls through the fridge and eventually decides to cook himself up a sandwich. He\u2019s shirtless and rests his knuckles against the counter as he waits for his bread to toast. Taylor sneaks up behind him and prods the sides of his stomach.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cAh!\u201d Harry says, crumpling over.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cMan down!\u201d says Taylor, and dives for his necklace. It\u2019s the silly paper airplane one that he\u2019d kept on while they were having sex, and she unclasps it and runs off, cackling in glee.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry lets out a playful growl and chases after her as she runs all around the first floor, narrowly dodging him in the living room, unsuccessfully trapping her around the base of the stairs, and finally catching up with her in the sitting room. He catches her by the waist into his arms, and she puts his necklace around her neck, grinning up at him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cNo matter what you do,\u201d she says, as it falls into the low dip of her camisole, \u201cit\u2019s mine now.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cBut you\u2019re mine,\u201d says Harry, smiling into her face.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor hums, pressing her fist against her chin. \u201cYou\u2019re mine, too,\u201d she says thoughtfully. \u201cSo who does your necklace really belong to?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry bends down and takes the metal paper airplane part of it out with the chain between his teeth, which is kind of unbelievably hot. \u201cYou said ‘your<\/em>\u00a0necklace,\u2019\u201d he says. \u201cSo you meant mine.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cMy necklace?\u201d Taylor says, raising her eyebrows.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cMy<\/em>\u00a0necklace,\u201d Harry emphasizes. \u201cBecause you said it was \u2018yours.\u2019”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cSo it\u2019s mine,\u201d says Taylor.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019s\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry makes a little growl of frustration. It\u2019s cute, so Taylor leans in and kisses him. She\u2019s still in his arms, big and warm, and not complaining because Harry nips at her bottom lip and kisses back.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

When they break apart, Harry says, \u201cYou know what we never got to do this week?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor\u2019s head is spinning a little still from their kiss. \u201cMm?\u201d she asks, blinking into Harry\u2019s face.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cDance,\u201d says Harry. \u201cWe didn\u2019t get to go out.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOh,\u201d says Taylor. \u201cBut we can dance right now, can\u2019t we? Put some music on, and,\u201d she wiggles, the best she can do when he\u2019s holding her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry lets go and claps. \u201cThat\u2019s a brilliant idea!\u201d he says, excitedly. \u201cC\u2019mon, there\u2019s not enough room around, we should\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

So they push the furniture away and Harry dashes upstairs and comes back down with an aged boombox and an even older CD with 80\u2019s rock music on it, plugs it in and gets it playing. Taylor isn\u2019t surprised by the choice of music but they dance to it anyway, doing silly old dance moves and then spinning and twirling each other around and laughing. They forget about Harry\u2019s sandwich until much later and decide to keep the mood by bringing out the candles again instead of turning on the electric lights like normal people. They are basked in orange and brown and glowing, and Taylor twists her fingers around the edges of Harry\u2019s necklace.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

When she flies back, she gets swamped with work and performances, only natural after skivving off for a whole week. She complains to Harry about having him distract her, but he says that his workload isn\u2019t any better and that he misses her and she admits that she misses him too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

A couple of weeks later, she gets a small package in the mail. It\u2019s a silver metal necklace, with a paper airplane charm on it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Not mine, but your own, since you liked it so much.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

x H<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor wears it, naturally, usually keeping it tucked under her shirt. She tells Harry this, too, and he promises to visit her when she performs for the X Factor later that week.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He keeps his promise, appearing afterward and lighting up when they lock eyes. She runs into his arms and lets him catch her, laughing. The tight knot of heat has not changed since they had sex, and she loves this, loves him<\/em>, she knows; she\u2019s loved all her boyfriends, but none of the old ones matter when she has one right now. She plants a colorful kiss on his mouth and whispers that he should take her home.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry does, headlights off and unable to stop glancing at her. She tells him he\u2019s a terrible driver and he says, \u201cI haven\u2019t seen you in so long, alright?\u201d and she kind of wants to kiss him then. But that wouldn\u2019t help his driving, so she lets him take her to her house, and then they have ridiculous, half-laughing sex on her couch, and then they talk about the X Factor contestants and make bets on who they think will make it to the next round.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor says, when she\u2019s wearing Harry\u2019s white t-shirt like out of some sort of old fashioned romcom, \u201cI wish we could go out<\/em>\u00a0somewhere together,\u201d and Harry asks, \u201cOut?\u201d and she says, \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOut, as in\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cVacation, or something,\u201d Taylor says, shrugging. \u201cI don\u2019t know, going to each other\u2019s houses is fine\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cDon\u2019t forget the hotels.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cThe hotels<\/em>.\u201d Taylor rolls her eyes. \u201cDon\u2019t you want to go out to the Alps with me or something? Hunt for the Abominable Snowman?”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry furrows his eyebrows. \u201cI thought it was called a yeti.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOr Bigfoot. I think they\u2019re all the same,\u201d Taylor says thoughtfully.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry shoves his foot up. They\u2019re lying longways on her couch, their heads on either end perched on an armrest. \u201cI have big feet,\u201d he says. \u201cWhat if I\u2019m bigfoot?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor throws her arms out dramatically. \u201cThen I don\u2019t need to go to the Alps,\u201d she says. \u201cI have the love of my life here.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry giggles and tries to shove his big foot up her nose. She makes a disgusted noise and tries to slap him away.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It\u2019s not long until their PR teams sit them aside together one day and tell them that it\u2019s time for their relationship to make it out into the public and official. Harry opens his mouth like he wants to say that they\u2019ve been pretty public in the past, just good at keeping it hidden, but Taylor kicks him under the table.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They play a game of footsie until the head of Harry\u2019s PR clears his throat and glares at the both of them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor doesn\u2019t mind terribly, because it\u2019s not like much will be different; people will see them together and know who they are, that\u2019s all. When they\u2019re asked how they want to go about it, Taylor turns to Harry and asks, \u201cStill want me to show you around New York?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry brightens, even though Taylor knows that he\u2019s been in the city many times before.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They settle on a date and she sneaks into his hotel every day, through back entrances and leaving so early that he doesn\u2019t even shift when she rolls out of bed. She leaves smudged lipstick kisses on his cheek and calls the car service in the dark. It\u2019s sneaky, it\u2019s exciting<\/em>\u00a0when they\u2019re about to go public and she\u2019s still lurking about like this. She likes it, a little, the excitement of it all.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

On the day of the event, she settles on a cute fox sweater and meets Harry beforehand, on the doorstep of the hotel. He presses a light kiss into her forehead and she giggles.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cReady?\u201d she asks.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry holds his arm out for her. \u201cNever,\u201d he says, grinning.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They walk, faces uncovered and cheerful, heading towards Central Park. Harry\u2019s stylist is with them with her daughter, who\u2019s adorable and Taylor can\u2019t stop cooing at her until Harry tugs her away and whines, \u201cStop, I thought this was a date between us.\u201d Taylor laughs that she\u2019s only using Harry to get to cute babies, and Harry pauses for a second before saying, fair.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The paparazzi follow them to the park, but Taylor talks to Harry about her friends\u2019 babies and kids she used to babysit and Harry laughs at all the right spots. She asks him if he\u2019s been to the zoo before and he says no so she takes him, poking him toward the direction of the bears and frogs. \u201cWe should take a picture,\u201d she says, as he poses in front of them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry nods, looking over her shoulder. \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure that\u2019s already taken care of,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor turns around to see some cameraman lurking in the bushes.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Rolling her eyes, she grabs him by the arm. \u201cCome on,\u201d she says, tugging him away and holding onto his arm again. \u201cLet\u2019s go get a snack.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cFrom a food truck?\u201d Harry asks, lighting up.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor laughs. \u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s with you and food trucks, but yes,\u201d she says. \u201cLet\u2019s go before the monkeys decide to fling poop at you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They eat and talk and it\u2019s almost like a normal date, save for the feeling of having cameras directed at the both of them. Taylor\u2019s long used to it, used to these people caring about something so trivial but significant to her anyway, and just puts on a brave face and doesn\u2019t kiss Harry. Harry seems to be pretending that they\u2019re not here too, though he\u2019s a little more shifty and at one point leans in to her mouth that she inches away, imperceptibly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d he says, warm against her cheek.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cMaybe not here,\u201d she says, smiling.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The press blows up, and suddenly Taylor can\u2019t turn around with someone asking her about Harry Styles, hashtag Haylor, all of it. Taylor rolls her eyes and crashes at Selena\u2019s one day and says, \u201cHaylor<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cHaylor,\u201d Selena agrees, painting her toenails.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cSometimes,\u201d says Taylor, lifting her head up from the couch, \u201cI wonder if I made a mistake with dating him.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Selena hums. \u201cIf you say that, you should say that about everyone you dated.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Selena\u2019s right. Though Taylor doesn\u2019t feel too regretful about it, Harry, Jake, anyone. (Except for maybe Joe, but for different reasons.) She ducks away from questions and lets PR handle it and texts Harry and meets up with him at his hotel. He\u2019d gotten the gist after the first time around and only swoops her into a kiss when they\u2019re inside and surrounded by four windowless walls. He says he misses her and she says that she misses him too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They go on more public dates, to the chagrin of their PR teams, who continue to bribe the paparazzi who find them. Taylor says to Harry one day that it shouldn\u2019t be that big of a deal, because both of them have plenty of money and the paparazzi are only taking pictures for<\/em>\u00a0the money, so they can go out on their dates and everyone wins. Harry smiles at her and Taylor can hear her words sound a little silly in her ears, but she means them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It\u2019s not easy when strangers are following their every move, and family and friends are following their every move, and one time they go to an amusement park full of people and another they fly back out to England together and there are cameras everywhere they turn. Taylor knows; she asked for this when she started recording at sixteen, and Harry was that age too when he was on the X Factor. They both know it. But it\u2019s suffocating, knowing that there isn\u2019t anywhere in this universe she can turn with Harry without every excruciating detail between them being examined, and Taylor\u2019s not much of an indoors person, at the end of the day. She\u2019d rather eat from food trucks with Harry every day than bake a pie with him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The running around and laughing when they barely get caught doesn\u2019t get old. The coil in Taylor\u2019s chest loosens a little.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI was thinking,\u201d she says, a couple of weeks later when they\u2019re sprawled on Harry\u2019s hotel suite couch and staring up at the ceiling. Taylor\u2019s begun to hate ceilings. \u201cWe could follow through with that vacation I was talking about earlier.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry glances over at her. \u201cReally? How will we go about doing that?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWell, you know, there are private ski resorts and stuff.\u201d Taylor pokes his leg. \u201cBesides, don\u2019t you get tired of staying cooped up all the time?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOh, definitely,\u201d says Harry. His arm is rested around the back of her waist, gently. \u201cBut I don\u2019t mind too terribly if I\u2019m with you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He grins, and she pokes him again. \u201cStop, you\u2019re not allowed to be romantic right now, I\u2019m serious,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWell you\u2019re<\/em>\u00a0being awful romantic asking me,\u201d Harry says, sitting up. \u201cBut yes, I\u2019d love to. How should we make the arrangements?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

And that\u2019s not easy, either, convincing both their teams that yes, they want to take some time off for each other, and no, they don\u2019t want it to be photographed or reported on or anything. Taylor calls her people and talks to them very patiently; Harry watches her from across the living room, an absent smile on his face. Between phone calls she leans in to kiss him on the mouth, and he presses back, unwillingly secret.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Right now, she does not think about the songs she will write, the plans she never made, the dreams that look so far away they\u2019re almost like a waste of time. Right now, she watches Harry across the carpet, speaking in his steady voice on the phone, rifling through their calendars to find a time when they\u2019re both free.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They get through to the lodge eventually, photographed such a number of times that both Taylor and Harry have gotten into helping their teams with paying the paparazzi off to not publish them and leave them alone. The non-disclosure agreements help, too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

As soon as they\u2019re inside the lodge and alone, Harry drops his things on the floor and flings himself on the bed. He\u2019s wearing a large fleece jacket and a beanie.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cReporters are mad<\/em>,\u201d he says. \u201cIf I was one of them, I would\u2019ve given up or gotten bored.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI guess,\u201d says Taylor, unwinding her scarf. \u201cIt\u2019s us, though, so they probably care more.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWe\u2019re boring<\/em>,\u201d says Harry, staring up at the ceiling.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor grins and then jumps on the bed to join him. There are two beds, for the sake of convenience, but Taylor knows that they\u2019ll only be using one.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWe are,\u201d she says, before bending down to kiss his mouth.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

There are a lot more people around, but the non-disclosure agreements keep them secure, plus that Taylor and Harry make sure to tip everyone who works their ridiculously high, because they can. Skiing and sledding with Harry is fabulous, in a clumsy snowy sort of way, because Harry seems to have two left feet and mostly just braces himself and yells as he races down mountains. Taylor laughs and watches him attempt to snowboard for the first time, but Harry barely makes it thirty feet before he trips over his feet and faceplants on the ground.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It\u2019s when he\u2019s picking himself up Taylor notices a flash of color in the bushes\u2014there\u2019s a flash, and Taylor blinks. Realizing what just happened, she kicks off her skis and runs into the trees, shouting, \u201cHey!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The colorful jacket continues to dart around, but Taylor and Harry had gone through hiking here yesterday and she has a good sense of direction. Soon enough her hand is on the collar of the guy\u2019s jacket, who\u2019s struggling both with her and his precious camera.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor drags him out to the clearing, where Harry has gotten himself up and is dusting himself off. \u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d he asks, glancing curiously between Taylor and the cameraman.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cSorry, man,\u201d the cameraman babbles. \u201cI was just, in the neighborhood\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYou were just in the neighborhood,\u201d Harry repeats, fixating him with a glare.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWe should get our PR teams out here,\u201d Taylor suggests, letting the guy go but not taking her eyes off of him. If he tries to run, well, he knows that she\u2019s faster than him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry nods, taking out his phone. \u201cAlready on it.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They take care of the camera guy, but it kind of kills the mood for the rest of the day, so Taylor and Harry go inside and drink hot cocoa and try to throw marshmallows into each other\u2019s mouths. The fire is hotter than the heat in her stomach, which is burning so low and feels like the wood has already cooled over, black and charred.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The next day Harry manages to persuaded the driver of the snowmobile to let them drive, and Taylor laughs into his side as Harry tries to navigate his way around. She dares him to go too fast and he dares himself to weave around bushes and obstacles and trees\u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u2014and then Taylor is thinking about the paparazzi guy from yesterday\u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u2014and trees and snow and blood<\/em>, where did the blood come from\u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u2014her friends and family and someone groaning in pain next to her\u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u2014Harry<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry is lying beside her, body twisted in a way that makes Taylor wince when she looks at him. She barely manages to get her hand in her pocket before she\u2019s calling for an ambulance, and then everyone else. Harry looks to be in more pain than she is, eyes fluttering open and shut like his body can\u2019t make a decision with whether he should be unconscious or not.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor watches him sadly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cHarry,\u201d she says quietly. The sun is peeking out from the treetops, letting the side of his face aglow. He groans and rolls his head a little, so he can look at her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cThat was stupid,\u201d he says, smiling.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor chuckles a little, feeling the pain blossom in her head. \u201cIt was,\u201d she agrees. \u201cWe\u2019re stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry makes a small noise. In the distance, they can hear the sound of sirens.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

A desperate sound comes out from Harry\u2019s mouth\u2014the next thing she knows, silent tears are streaming down Harry\u2019s face, and Taylor wonders if he thought about the guy from yesterday too. Thought about her, and this, and everything they\u2019ve been ducking around, and accidents sometimes aren\u2019t really accidents, but inevitable from the start.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She\u2019s crying too, cheeks wet and voice surprisingly clear when she says, \u201cEverything about this is stupid,\u201d and he turns to look at her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cBeing with you,\u201d she says, \u201cmakes me as happy as I\u2019ve ever been. But it feels like we\u2019re running away all the time and still getting caught in every corner, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry nods. He has an awful gash at the corner of his forehead, the blood trickling into the white snow. \u201cI know,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Their injuries aren\u2019t as awful as they feel; twenty stitches in separate rooms, and being yelled at by their managers. They walk out a day later with their foreheads pressed against each other, and have quiet lazy sex and stay in, like they are used to.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It\u2019s never going to work, though Taylor has resigned herself to the idea that none of her relationships will ever work, like this. It\u2019s fun to pretend, she tells herself, and Harry when they\u2019re lying next to each other in bed and her lips are at the shell of his ear.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

When they get back from their vacation they are more deliberate about being hidden, no longer torturing their teams and actually sneaking into each other\u2019s hotel rooms instead of poorly disguised public outings. It gets more and more suffocating and the sparks in Taylor\u2019s chest from long ago have turned into asphyxiating knots and she had to bury her head in Harry\u2019s chest to remind herself to breathe.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry says against her lips one day, \u201cThis isn\u2019t going to work out, is it?\u201d He looks sad.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor smiles and runs her hand down his thigh, to his knee. \u201cDoes it matter?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry rubs at the space around her waist. \u201cI still like you,\u201d he says. \u201cI really like you. A lot.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI really like you too, Harry,\u201d says Taylor, and the admission comes out easier than she would\u2019ve thought. She rests her head against his shoulder and breathes in his scent.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

On New Year\u2019s Eve they both perform at Times Square and he kisses her when the ball drops. They are in the crowd, pretending to be normal people, but Taylor hears the sound of a phone camera going off anyway.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Later, on New Year\u2019s Day when they are lying side by side and half-naked in Harry\u2019s hotel bed, she sits up and slips her socks on.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry is dazed and sated next to her. \u201cTaylor?\u201d he mumbles, sleepily.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor watches him, the way he blinks at her, an absent glow spreading across his face like it\u2019s muscle memory when he looks at her. Her heart knots and it feels more like guilt than anything.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cHi, Harry,\u201d she says. \u201cWe should\u2014it\u2019s the new year.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

He nods, though she can\u2019t tell if he knows what\u2019s she\u2019s saying.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cI should let you go,\u201d she says, quietly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry watches her as she puts on her clothes and wrestles her jacket on. She doesn\u2019t know if he knows what she means by let<\/em>\u00a0and go<\/em>\u00a0with set free<\/em>\u00a0in between, but she can\u2019t bring herself to turn around to see the expression on his face. He doesn\u2019t call after her when she disappears into the hallway to call her car service.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It does not feel definitive, but Taylor stares out the window and her heart does not stop burning with desire, even if low.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor talks it over with her PR team about how they want the breakup to go. To her relief, they don\u2019t cast her with pitying stares and only her manager touches her shoulder, before leaving the conference room.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She doesn\u2019t wallow. She thought that she would at least cry a little, but her insides feel empty and not at all in a depressing way. When Harry calls her and asks, \u201cWe still on for the Virgin Islands?\u201d there\u2019s a weight to his voice that tells her that this is hurting him too. She tries not to overanalyze it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d she says. Her voice sounds wrecked. She wonders if Harry overanalyzes it, too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Meeting up with him the next day is surprisingly not stifling, because seeing Harry again makes her chest wind up and seize up again, all at once. They talk, like normal, and while they are on the boat Taylor leans against his arm and says kind of morbidly, \u201cWe\u2019re kind of like Romeo and Juliet, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry looks at her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cYou know, aside from the part where they never broke up and both died dramatic deaths,\u201d she finishes.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cSo,\u201d says Harry, chuckling and nudging up against her. \u201cNot like Romeo and Juliet at all.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She laughs into his neck.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

A day later he leaves early, and she is riding the same boat across the canal. She watches the reporters on the balcony and thinks of everything they know, and don\u2019t, and she smiles.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

After that, she dives into songwriting immediately, if only to make her team and family and friends laugh. Selena makes cookies with her and Emma is only too ecstatic to help her bake a pie. Nothing replaces the memories, or makes her forget about them, but as she watches Emma try the the frosting and laugh at how cold it is, she decides that there are worse coping mechanisms.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She and Harry don\u2019t text because then it wouldn\u2019t feel real. It is real<\/em>, she reminds herself, on the days where the silence sounds like pretend. It is real in the way she\u2019d been pushed backstage that first time to meet the One Direction boys, \u201cbecause chemistry, who knows,\u201d someone had suggested; it is real in the way when her housemaid washes her sheets and she is pathetically, inexplicably disappointed at the smell of detergent in place of boy cologne.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Her first songs aren\u2019t very good, with the lyrics saying the same things over and over again and the beat going too fast. Taylor wishes they had some routine to go on in the first place, so the days of waking up and not knowing would feel more like something new, than every other day in her life. Everyone close to her knows how it really happened, but Selena offers to tear out pictures of Harry\u2019s face and throw darts at them with her, and Taylor\u2019s mother sends her an email and says, I knew he was no good for you in the first place<\/em>, anyway.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor laughs and lets them. At the end of the day, the only thing she wishes for is that they had more time.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The world keeps turning and Harry Styles still exists and his name slowly starts sounding less like my ex<\/em>\u00a0and more like Harry Styles, Harry Styles.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She gets a text from Harry Styles, Harry Styles, five months after.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Miss you x<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The low pool of heat that has simmered down like an inactive volcano rises somewhere at the bottom of her stomach. Miss you too<\/em>, she texts back.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

In town today, want to grab lunch? x<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The x\u2019s, Harry had once explained to her, are symbolic of kisses, which Taylor knew and had never seen anyone use them like Harry before. She wonders briefly if he\u2019s using them again on purpose or out of habit. To her surprise, she hopes that it\u2019s only out of habit.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They get lunch and he walks her to her home and she should tell him goodbye. She lets him in and then they\u2019re kissing against her front door and her body feels hot with need and the appeal of something they really shouldn\u2019t do.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They do, anyway, and she doesn\u2019t see him for a good while after that. She tries not to think about it though she tells Selena shortly afterward, and Selena talks her through it\u2014\u201cSo like, what was that, breakup sex?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cNot technically,\u201d says Taylor, flipping through her phone\u2019s camera roll. \u201cClosure maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cClosure,\u201d Selena says, wryly. \u201cA booty call after\u2014how long was it?\u2014of silence.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Taylor shrugs, even though she knows Selena can\u2019t see her. \u201cI\u2019m not complaining,\u201d she says. \u201cHe was good\u2014better actually, even, there\u2019s this thing he does with his tongue\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cOh god, don\u2019t tell me,\u201d Selena laughs.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201c\u2014with his lips, you know, it feels amazing<\/em>\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry doesn\u2019t call or text her after that, but it\u2019s easier writing the songs now. She drags out every aspect of their relationship she had catalogued, writes and composes and sings, and remembers, once, when Harry said, \u201cI hope you write a platinum album about me.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

*<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She hears about One Direction’s interview with US Weekly because of the usual anonymous email in her inbox, and smiles. Guys hit on her as often as they do, but she thinks of snowmobile accidents and kisses half-hidden behind hotel buildings and concludes that she doesn\u2019t want to go back to it, yet.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

When it\u2019s awards season, she\u2019s at the same parties as him again, but she\u2019s also at the same parties with her friends, so she hangs around them instead. They keep her company and don\u2019t try to fit her in with awkward conversations and Taylor is grateful.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She meets his eyes once and it\u2019s shocking\u2014she does not feel the want, almost painful like it used to be in her belly. There is nothing, and she smiles at him, and he smiles back.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Then \u201cShake It Off\u201d is debuting and \u201cBest Song Ever\u201d is still playing on the radios and it\u2019s like cohabitation. Taylor imagines another world where neither of them are famous nor millionaires and she met him while studying abroad in England and they had a fantastic year long romance. In this daydream they break up, yet again, but beyond that Taylor imagines that years later they\u2019ll run into each other in the streets of New York and end as good lifelong friends, or maybe something else. She doesn\u2019t let her mind wander farther than that.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Her world is the same and different without a boy and it\u2019s okay. When she remembers Romeo and Juliet, Meredith snarling at Harry every time he came over and whining for the weeks when he stopped, the upturn of his mouth and the sadness in his eyes lying sprawled next to him in the snow, the reminder hits more like anything.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The reminder that they shouldn\u2019t have, and couldn\u2019t have, and getting together and breaking up are a couple of those inevitable things in the world.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She misses the way he\u2019d make puns into her mouth and she\u2019d laugh despite herself, sometimes. She misses the times when, yeah, it\u2019d be two a.m. and he\u2019d complain to her about jetlag and she\u2019d let him drive them around and fall asleep in the passenger\u2019s seat when the roads are dark and empty. She misses how they would talk about after like it\u2019d never happen, platinum albums and, \u201cpretty sure the lads would roll their eyes at me if I wrote a Taylor Swift song,\u201d \u201cdo it anyway,\u201d and now, in the back of her mind, she is waiting for it, for him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She misses when it\u2019s been over a year and they\u2019re at another party together except this time they come to each other.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Harry says, \u201cHi Taylor,\u201d and smiles, rocking his drink in his hand.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

She says, \u201cHi Harry,\u201d and her tongue does not feel too big when she says his name and the heat in her stomach is gone, has fizzled away into nothing.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They look and talk to each other and say goodbye, later, like they are normal people.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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