{"id":96,"date":"2021-01-01T23:24:16","date_gmt":"2021-01-02T03:24:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/?p=96"},"modified":"2024-11-12T01:52:24","modified_gmt":"2024-11-12T05:52:24","slug":"the-ruins-left-inside-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/96\/","title":{"rendered":"the ruins left inside you"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s wrong. He feels wrong.<\/em><\/p>\n

There\u2019s something in here with him.<\/em><\/p>\n

The cell is stone, cold. Xue Yang is suspended against the wall, arms and legs chained. His head is hanging down, but in the dim firelight, as Meng Yao approaches, he lifts his chin.<\/p>\n

His smirk is one of a darker cultivator, one who knows unconventional methods.<\/p>\n

Xue Yang says, \u201cWhat have I done to be graced with your presence?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think\u2014\u201d Meng Yao says. He struggles to get the words out. His already weak golden core falters, flickering.\u00a0 \u201cI believe there is something in here, in my body. With me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh?\u201d Xue Yang tilts his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2014It is hungry, I think,” Meng Yao says. So much of his body is protesting. Inside. “I do not know what for.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd now you\u2019ve come for my wisdom,\u201d Xue Yang says, nodding.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo<\/em>.\u201d And Meng Yao feels his lips moving, letting the sounds come out of his mouth\u2014but the grip on his mind is slipping, growing more and more distant. He wills himself to keep going. \u201cI want it out. I want it gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

The weakness in his voice is pathetic. But Meng Yao needs to keep his heart up, his mind up, his core up\u2014keep it in himself, himself, spiritual energy swirling, his veins, his body\u2014<\/p>\n

“I see,” Xue Yang says, though nothing in his face gives him away. “I have some ideas, then. But,” and his grin grows wider, as he rattles his chains, “you’ll need to let me out first.”<\/p>\n

Meng Yao swallows. \u201cAnything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Every so often, Nie Mingjue wonders about Meng Yao\u2014if he\u2019s doing well in Jinlin Tai, under the tutelage of Jin Guangshan. He hadn\u2019t minced words in his recommendation, as Meng Yao deserves no less than an exceptionally high rank\u2014perhaps not as high as he\u2019d been under Nie Mingjue\u2019s command, but his eye for drawing out understated potentials and his mind crafted for strategy meetings should not go to waste. There is no reason for him to be anything less than a commander of a higher ranking, especially with the sect leader as his father.<\/p>\n

Yet as the Sunshot Campaign rages on, he hears no whispers about Meng Yao\u2019s achievements on the battlefield, his posture as a commander, any shift in power with his new discipleship in Jinlin Tai. There\u2019s talk of the core commander of the Jin army, who has new and unconventional ideas for how to overtake the Wen army\u2014but nothing about Meng Yao’s contributions. When he allows himself to think about it for long, there’s a faint disturbance in Nie Mingjue’s mind\u2014had Meng Yao not wanted to make a name for himself? Gain his father’s approval? Even a sliver of a mention would put his heart at ease, know that the loss of his best deputy is not in vain; and yet, as the war continues, Meng Yao’s name lives not in a whisper, in the lips of cultivators\u2014only in Nie Mingjue’s head.<\/p>\n

But, of course, it is not his concern; Meng Yao is now part of Lanling Jin, so Nie Mingjue does not spend too much time thinking about other sects when he has his own sect to run. Meng Yao has achieved what he wanted\u2014being welcomed into the Jin clan, being a part of it\u2014and so, for Meng Yao’s sake, Nie Mingjue is satisfied.<\/p>\n

Qinghe Nie is called to aid in Langya where Meng Yao is stationed, though, an opportunity he doesn\u2019t hesitate in taking.\u00a0 With his aid, the Jin army recuperates easily enough as the Wen cultivators retreat. There\u2019s no time for Nie Mingjue to look for his previous deputy\u2014especially when Jin Guangshan appears shortly, thanking him, despite looking harried.<\/p>\n

He is alone; moreover, he is without a son at his side. \u201cWhat\u2019s Meng Yao doing nowadays?\u201d he asks Jin Guangshan casually.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan barely seems to register his words. \u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao must be here somewhere. And he knows how the rumors spread as much as he despises them\u2014you don\u2019t have to know Meng Yao is Jin Guangshan\u2019s son to know how he toppled down the stairs of Jinlin Tai. If Nie Mingjue had the power to stop other cultivators from gossiping so crudely, he would; but surely if Nie Mingjue is aware despite his distaste, so must Jin Guangshan be.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy previous deputy. I recommended him here,\u201d Nie Mingjue says coldly. \u201cDid you not receive my letter?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan denies it\u2014must be feigning, says something in Nie Mingjue\u2019s gut. Still, without any proof he has nothing to fight on. If Jin Guangshan insists that he did not receive word that Nie Mingjue had sent an exceptional soldier at his behest, then there is not much Nie Mingjue can do otherwise.<\/p>\n

Yet there\u2019s something off\u2014not just with Jin Guangshan, but a niggling at the back of his mind, that he must find Meng Yao. He\u2019s here somewhere, Nie Mingjue just knows, despite what Jin Guangshan says, what the other cultivators he asks say. But he\u2019s ushered away as the battlegrounds get cleaned up for some stupid political shit, so Nie Mingjue does what a good sect leader does and sits politely as Jin Guangshan drones on about what they should do about the Sunshot Campaign\u2014what his army should do, as Jin Guangshan never shows his face on the battlefield.<\/p>\n

Yet, even Meng Yao’s absence here feels wrong. Perhaps he would not have earned a high rank so quickly in Langya, despite what Nie Mingjue had written in his letter; but he should not tossed aside, squandered away like some common cultivator, either. Nie Mingjue knows that Meng Yao’s cultivation level is low, but everything else\u2014his way with words, mind for strategy, willingness to deal with politics like this, deserves far more than merely being regarded as a cultivator among cultivators.<\/p>\n

And so, when evening falls, after Nie Mingjue has been trying and failing to look for and wonder where the fuck<\/em> Meng Yao is, he makes his escape from everyone else. But rather than returning to his chambers, or perhaps roping someone into parrying with him to get his mind off\u2014his feet lead him outside, into the forest, where the surprise Langya ambush had taken place. He doesn’t know, doesn’t care about this strange urge, leading him deeper into the wood, the darkness. He might be looking for something, though the grounds are cleaned up, no bodies or uniforms.<\/p>\n

On a breath, he tastes something strange in his mouth\u2014blood, perhaps he had bitten the inside of his cheek without noticing. The night air is cool and haunting, and Nie Mingjue almost wishes a monster would come out so he could go at it with Baxia, lose his head in the movements of his saber. As it is, he trawls through the brambles and trees, allowing that strange tug in his mind to guide him, blood from the fight buried beneath the dirt under his shoes.<\/p>\n

Then, behind him, a noise.. Stepping out from a cluster of trees is a slim figure.<\/p>\n

Under the moonlight, Meng Yao\u2019s face glows white.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue doesn’t believe in divine retribution, but it feels almost like a conjuring from his mind. \u201cMeng Yao,\u201d he breathes.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao pauses. Considers him. He brings his fingers to his lips\u2014there’s something there, but Nie Mingjue can\u2019t see what it is as Meng Yao licks, sucks it off. Heat rolls in Nie Mingjue\u2019s stomach.<\/p>\n

He rushes to Meng Yao. \u201cHow are you? Are you alright?\u201d he asks, but Meng Yao stays as he is, eyeing the fingers he just licked. He looks the same as before\u2014better and healthier, possibly, with the way his skin is glowing in the darkness. Hair dark and sleek.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao meets his gaze. His lips draw into a smile that makes Nie Mingjue\u2019s gut hot. \u201cNie-zongzhu,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

And then he\u2019s closer, so close that Nie Mingjue can barely breathe. His lips, cheek, mouth are so close to Nie Mingjue\u2019s face, and it takes a moment to realize that Meng Yao is lingering around his neck, inhaling. Smelling him.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s\u2014Nie Mingjue is not frightened of many things. But Meng Yao so close to him is like having a blade pressed to his neck, and Nie Mingjue is frozen still, heart pounding in his ears. Everything and nothing about this situation feels right, and he knows that the next move that gets made will not be his.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao says, \u201cNie-ge.\u201d<\/p>\n

And then he\u2019s off Nie Mingjue. And Nie Mingjue\u2019s eyes have been wide open, but then he blinks, and\u2014Meng Yao is gone, disappeared into the night. The forest is as quiet and dark as it\u2019s always been, undisturbed, bloodless and bodiless as if there had never been a battle here in the first place.<\/p>\n

The ghost of Meng Yao\u2019s touch hovers against his skin. The disturbing tug in the back of Nie Mingjue\u2019s mind grows louder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Meng Yao remembers waking up, hurting all over\u2014and yet, a strange calmness that had overtaken him from the inside. Alone now, here, faintly hearing Xue Yang say, “Well?” but cannot yet bring himself to respond. When he had opened his mouth, there was dryness, saliva gathering in his mouth\u2014and along with that serenity, an emptiness.<\/p>\n

He remembers standing up, remembering how to move his body, his limbs. And yet that hollow feeling in his chest was still there.<\/p>\n

He had said, to Xue Yang, “I believe it worked.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat is Meng Yao,\u201d Nie Mingjue says.<\/p>\n

He and Jin Guangshan are walking around and checking on both armies; with the way he hadn\u2019t seen Meng Yao at all during the day prior, he hadn\u2019t expected to run into him again so easily.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao jerks his head up from where he\u2019d been drinking his water, at the sound of his name, and his eyes widen in surprise.<\/p>\n

\u201cNie-zongzhu!\u201d he says, then glances at Jin Guangshan. Nie Mingjue notices how he immediately lowers his eyes at his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cJin-zongzhu,\u201d he says, instead of fuqin<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh,\u201d Jin Guangshan says, his expression\u2014blank. Unreadable. \u201cYes, of course, I remember when he joined my forces here in Langya.\u201d He\u2019s talking more to Nie Mingjue now.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue frowns. Both because Meng Yao is behaving perfectly normally, like last night hadn\u2019t happened, and because Jin Guangshan is not even looking at his son. \u201cI gave him a letter to give to you,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

\u201cA letter? He must\u2019ve forgotten it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t,\u201d Meng Yao says quietly, but does not falter when Jin Guangshan looks at him again. \u201cI requested your presence so I could give it to you directly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan shrugs. \u201cThen someone must\u2019ve misplaced it then,\u201d he says, and begins walking away. \u201cNo matter\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Nie Mingjue interrupts. Regardless of whatever the fuck last night was\u2014\u201dMeng Yao is a man of exceptional talents,\u201d he tells Jin Guangshan. \u201cHe deserves to rise above his station. And he is your son, is he not?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan flounders at this, especially under the intense stares of both Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao. \u201cIs he? I might have too many sons to count.\u201d He laughs awkwardly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mother was Meng Shi,\u201d Meng Yao tells him. \u201cYou gave her a pearl. I showed it to a servant on\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

He falls silent. Nie Mingjue wishes he didn\u2019t know why.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, right, right,\u201d Jin Guangshan says, to Nie Mingjue\u2019s surprise. \u201cMeng Shi, lovely woman from Yunmeng,\u201d he tells Nie Mingjue, who doesn\u2019t even try to pretend to care. \u201cHow is she?\u201d he asks Meng Yao.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao\u2019s face is hard, for a second; then back to normal. \u201cShe passed away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUnfortunate, that,\u201d Jin Guangshan says, and turns to move on again. \u201cBut I believe idle talk is not something we have much time for, when Wen Ruohan must be preparing to strike again. Where\u2019s my commander?\u201d He looks over the sea of their men who are resting, healing, meditating. Some are housed while others take their rest on bamboo cots outside.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao speaks up again. \u201cI do believe he fell during the battle yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNonsense.\u201d Jin Guangshan waves him off. \u201cWe spoke after the Wens surrendered, before I attended to Nie-zongzhu here.\u201d He nods to Nie Mingjue.<\/p>\n

But then another cultivator sitting nearby says, \u201cWe haven\u2019t seen him since last night. We tried looking everywhere for the commander, but he hasn\u2019t shown up at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStrange. He must be resting somewhere,\u201d Jin Guangshan says.<\/p>\n

But though he sends men\u2014and Nie Mingjue, who volunteers\u2014to find the Langya commander, they don\u2019t find him in any building, on the grounds, or hidden away in the woods somewhere. They spend the day searching; Meng Yao does not trail them, though he does inquire about the search as Nie Mingjue comes back from the forest.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m certain I saw him get stabbed yesterday,\u201d Meng Yao says.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue is inclined to believe him, but\u2014\u201dI hardly saw you yesterday, Meng Yao,\u201d he says. \u201cWhat were you doing in the woods last night?\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao smiles at him. \u201cWhat do you mean? And I was on the field all day yesterday, Nie-zongzhu.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou weren\u2019t, but I ran into you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m getting concerned, Nie-zongzhu,\u201d Meng Yao says, though his voice is light. Teasing. \u201cHow you\u2019re hearing things and seeing things. Maybe you should talk to someone about these disturbing thoughts you\u2019re having.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPiss off,\u201d Nie Mingjue says.<\/p>\n

But Meng Yao laughs and switches tack. \u201cIf the commander is gone, then who will take his place?\u201d he asks. \u201cWhether he\u2019s died or fled, someone needs to take over his position.\u201d<\/p>\n

And when the day comes to an end, Jin Guangshan must realize this as well, as his Langya army is still in desperate need of someone to command them. He looks even worse than yesterday\u2014\u201dIt\u2019s not like him to just disappear,\u201d he says to Nie Mingjue. \u201cAnd if he died, then why haven\u2019t we found his body?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps it got mixed in with the other bodies when the battlegrounds got cleared out,\u201d Nie Mingjue suggests.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan shakes his head. \u201cImpossible. Then someone must\u2019ve seen, must\u2019ve said\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

But there\u2019s no luck the next day, or the day after that. Nie Mingjue sticks around because he wants to know the answer to this mystery too, although it seems more and more likely that the commander either defected or died without a trace.<\/p>\n

Langya needs someone in power.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao hasn\u2019t brought up the issue of Nie Mingjue\u2019s letter again.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue requests an audience with Jin Guangshan the day before he leaves\u2014a private one, sect leader to sect leader.<\/p>\n

\u201cJin-zongzhu,\u201d he says, when they\u2019re alone. \u201cI know I mentioned it before, but Meng Yao really has a brilliant mind\u2014he\u2019s the most effective deputy I\u2019ve ever had. If he did not want to work under Lanling Jin, I would take him back as mine in a heartbeat.\u201d<\/p>\n

He watches as Jin Guangshan\u2019s expression turns more and more resigned.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever happened to the letter I wrote for you doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d he tells Jin Guangshan. \u201cI\u2019m here now, and now Langya needs a commander. I cannot stress enough how effective Meng Yao would be in that position. He obeys orders better than anyone who\u2019s ever worked under me, and always has creative and strategic suggestions, in and outside the battlefield.\u201d<\/p>\n

He looks Jin Guangshan dead in the eye.<\/p>\n

\u201cI cannot tell Jin-zongzhu how to lead his sect,\u201d he says. \u201cBut it would be an immense waste of potential to not allow Meng Yao to wield that power.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan sighs. \u201cYou\u2019re right, you can\u2019t tell me how to run my sect,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue opens up his mouth to fight.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I know that barely anyone else here is qualified for such power. All gossiping, power hungry idiots.\u201d Jin Guangshan rolls his eyes.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue is pretty sure that\u2019s not how you\u2019re supposed to talk about your army of cultivators.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo with your advice, I suppose there\u2019s no harm in giving that position to Meng Yao.\u201d Jin Guangshan toys with the jewelry around his fingers. \u201cIt\u2019s not like there\u2019s a worse option.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am grateful to have helped you make this decision,\u201d Nie Mingjue says diplomatically, even though he clenches his fists because Meng Yao is nowhere near being the worst option\u2014he should be thought of as the best one. \u201cHe is your son, after all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure that\u2019s what he told you,\u201d Jin Guangshan says, but it means nothing to Nie Mingjue when he\u2019s seen the way Meng Yao separates himself from the gossiping cultivators, has never bothered to fight when they talk about his teenage fall at Jinlin Tai.<\/p>\n

And so\u2014it is this Meng Yao who is placed in charge of the soldiers in Langya. This Meng Yao, looking healthier than before, beaming and all dimples as Jin Guangshan declares it, before Nie Mingjue heads back to Qinghe with his men.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s on the ride back when Nie Mingjue remembers that Meng Yao has an affinity for cleaning up after the battlefields.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, aren\u2019t you a sight for sore eyes?\u201d says Xue Yang.<\/p>\n

The hunger is not like human hunger\u2014it\u2019s at his core, feels like it\u2019s taking over his whole body. He does not feel it now\u2014the Langya commander\u2019s horrid mouth is buried under meters of dirt\u2014but he remembers it, aching from the bottom of his stomach.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao smiles. \u201cI\u2019m glad you think so,\u201d he says. The good thing about feeding is that it makes him feel like royalty, even though his father will still barely look at him despite elevating his station. No matter. For now, Langya is enough.<\/p>\n

Xue Yang snorts. \u201cI\u2019m assuming that becoming accustomed to your new\u2026 powers<\/em> has not found any difficulties, then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not quite,\u201d are the words Meng Yao says, despite that getting the commander alone had not been a convenient feat.\u00a0 \u201cIn fact, I\u2019ve gained more than I expected.\u201d<\/p>\n

Xue Yang cocks an eyebrow. \u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao is standing inside of his cell. They\u2019re a good distance apart; Meng Yao will never become like Xue Yang, he thinks. Caught, captured. Powerless.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Meng Yao continues with some thought. \u201cI\u2019ve gained the position of being the head commander of the cultivators at Langya.\u201d<\/p>\n

Xue Yang bows his head. It\u2019s mocking. \u201cCongratulations, Commander,\u201d he says with a grin. \u201cI\u2019m glad our sacrifice has worked out for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed,\u201d Meng Yao murmurs, although it’s no matter of the ritual he and Xue Yang had done together. The previous commander had stolen his ideas so many times that it\u2019s not like Meng Yao hadn\u2019t been thinking of killing him, eventually. Would Nie Mingjue still have recommended him for the position if Meng Yao wasn\u2019t like this? It\u2019s likely.<\/p>\n

Xue Yang rattles his chains. \u201cSo what\u2019re we gonna do now? Gonna let me go and say that I \u2018escaped\u2019? Promise I\u2019ll pay you back\u2014I think we can help each other out a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cActually,\u201d Meng Yao says, taking a step forward, \u201cI think I should hold off on us owing each other favors. Don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

This is the first time something falters in Xue Yang\u2019s expression. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean,\u201d and Meng Yao feels that hunger surge through his veins, his skin. He is not hungry, no. But it is easy to channel that, especially when he remembers the way the dead commander had slid his blade into Meng Yao\u2019s chest, how his eyes had widened when Meng Yao pulled it out without hesitation, feeling his skin stitch back up.<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean,\u201d he says, \u201cit\u2019s so easy for me now, on the battlefield, with enemies, don\u2019t you think? I hardly need cultivation now, much less a golden core.\u201d<\/p>\n

Xue Yang\u2019s eyes narrow as Meng Yao gets closer. There\u2019s a spark of fear.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd it\u2019s so<\/em> inconvenient that there\u2019s someone who knows what\u2019s happened to me.\u201d Meng Yao breathes in Xue Yang\u2019s scent. He is greasy from weeks and months without bathing. His blood and organs must be hot<\/em>. \u201cWho knows what I have to do to get my power.\u201d<\/p>\n

Xue Yang\u2019s laugh sounds forced. \u201cGongzi, what are you talking about? I did you a favor, didn\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I\u2019m very grateful you did,\u201d Meng Yao says solemnly. \u201cI\u2019ll be sure to remember it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Xue Yang looks like he\u2019s about to speak\u2014and then a scream fills the air.<\/p>\n

Then, blissful silence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Jin station at Langya helps Qinghe Nie tear through Wen Ruohan\u2019s armies in every city Qishan Wen had taken for themselves\u2014Yangquan in particular starts as a powerful siege that ends in the Wen cultivators pleading for mercy.<\/p>\n

Working with Meng Yao feels right again, especially as Meng Yao smiles over Nie Mingjue at strategy meetings\u2014but there\u2019s still something. Something not quite right.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t know what it is; it\u2019s not like Meng Yao could\u2019ve changed very much for the months they were apart. Yet he can\u2019t help bringing it up one afternoon after they discussed how to take over Nightless City: \u201cYou\u2019re different, Meng Yao.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAm I, Nie-zongzhu?\u201d Meng Yao smiles up at him, then down at his shoes. \u201cI suppose I\u2019m just glad that there are others who can recognize me like you do. Although you\u2019ve always seen me like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

That is\u2014not what Nie Mingjue meant, and warmth creeps up his neck. \u201cLangya has changed you,\u201d he tries, though feels like he\u2019s aiming blindfolded. (Although he can aim perfectly well with a blindfold on.)<\/p>\n

\u201cHas it?\u201d Meng Yao says.<\/p>\n

And maybe it hasn\u2019t. But there is a comfortable weight on Meng Yao\u2019s shoulders these days, moving deftly between meetings, unfalteringly receiving and giving orders. Paired with the way he seems to glow, like a deity blesses him each morning, he is a vision among the war, among the bloodshed.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue cuffs his shoulder. He\u2019s careful not to touch too much, not to get too close, because\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cFor the better, I think,\u201d he concedes.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao smiles back. \u201cWhen is Zewu-Jun arriving?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen is due to arrive this afternoon, along with the Lan and Jiang troops. Nie Mingjue hopes to end this in the next fortnight, as the Wen\u2019s forces get weaker; the only thing more glorious than Wen Xu\u2019s head on a stick will be Wen Ruohan\u2019s. With the added news of Xue Yang no longer being a threat\u2014he\u2019d been discovered dead in Jinlin Tai last month, horribly mutilated\u2014 the tides have fully begun to turn. And Baxia, of course, rings greed and glutton, with each Wen-dog that she slices through bringing her more pleasure, though Nie Mingjue pushes that down. War is horrible with each drop of blood spilt, but the saber spirit craving the taste slithers down his spine, at the edges of his golden core.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen does arrive later that day, with his brother, Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Wanyin in tow. They are all appropriately impressed at how Meng Yao\u2019s coordinated the Jin troops, especially since Nie Mingjue\u2019s started lingering around them in case he catches snippets of them gossiping about Meng Yao\u2019s origins. But it seems to be of no concern to Meng Yao, as he flits between conversations, discussing strategy with Nie Mingjue or divulging to Lan Xichen what being a disciple of Lanling is like as himself or managing his men as Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen walk along the grounds, conversing about how they know that the Sunshot Campaign is coming to an end.<\/p>\n

\u201cA-Yao is so much happier,\u201d Lan Xichen says one morning. He\u2019s taking tea and breakfast with Nie Mingjue in his chambers, his visits something Nie Mingjue has always looked forward to when waking up is otherwise a dull affair.<\/p>\n

\u201cI agree,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, though then he thinks of the first night he arrived in Langya, Meng Yao\u2019s strange behavior. \u201cBut does he seem any different otherwise to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d Lan Xichen asks pleasantly.<\/p>\n

Maybe that night had been a fluke. But Nie Mingjue remembers, the heat of Meng Yao\u2019s skin\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind,\u201d he mutters, and sips at his tea.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen sets his teacup down. \u201cI must thank you, Mingjue-ge,\u201d he says. \u201cWe both know Meng Yao has had a difficult time in the cultivation world despite his efforts, but it seems that you and I both see him as he deserves to be seen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, though there\u2019s a sliver of doubt in the back of his mind. But he still has no explanation for it\u2014Meng Yao is perfectly normal, nothing different except with more power, more grace. \u201cHe deserves no less than to be treated like an equal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen beams, inclines his head. \u201cIndeed.\u201d<\/p>\n

As the days go on, though, exhaustion begins to creep over Meng Yao\u2019s face. Nie Mingjue isn\u2019t really paying attention to it\u2014one day Meng Yao is his bright-eyed, well-spoken self; the next, there are bags under his eyes and his hair looks limp as if he\u2019s forgotten to take care of it this morning.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need more rest,\u201d Nie Mingjue tells him after another strategy meeting. Meng Yao\u2019s eyes are glassy, though he snaps his head up when Nie Mingjue speaks.<\/p>\n

His smile looks forced. \u201cI\u2019ve been getting rest,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

\u201cBullshit. You need to take care of yourself,\u201d Nie Mingjue says.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao\u2019s lips tighten. \u201cI\u2019m doing what I can, Nie-zongzhu. War is just stressful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen find ways to destress.\u201d Nie Mingjue packs up the papers from his desk. \u201cAsk Xichen to play you the Song of Clarity. I\u2019m sure your golden core needs some rinsing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite the shadows under his eyes, Meng Yao chuckles.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue glances at him. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao turns away. \u201cNothing,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With some clever maneuvering, they siege on Nightless City, all four clans\u2019 armies at once. Despite the surprise, Wen Ruohan is still prepared, fierce corpses taking on their cultivators by the numbers as they try to fend them off.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s what Nie Mingjue is here for\u2014while they duel it out on the battlefield, he will sneak into Fire Palace and overtake Wen Ruohan before he knows what\u2019s coming to him. Meng Yao will head the Langya army and Nie Mingjue will drive his sword into Wen Ruohan; it’s time to put this to an end, once and for all. He ignores the doubt in his mind, a strange quiet, as he makes his way through the corridors, wielding Baxia and slicing through the throats of anyone who dares cross him.<\/p>\n

It gets darker and darker in Fire Palace\u2014corridors begin to look like walls begin to look like corridors, and the candles are so low, so red that it’s hard to see in front of him. He has Baxia prepared as the number of guards whittle down, until he finds himself surrounded mostly by darkness, trying to find his way\u2014it feels like he is in the right place, as he continues with each step.<\/p>\n

Then, a familiar voice:\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you think I have a lot to offer, Wen-zongzhu?\u201d<\/p>\n

A sliver of crimson teases out from where Nie Mingjue has pressed his back against a wall. A wall\u2014a door, slid open, left ajar by the barest amounts. The inside is dark enough that Nie Mingjue would’ve easily missed it, if the voice, the familiarity of the voice hadn’t brought him to a halt.<\/p>\n

Wen Ruohan replies, gravelly, \u201cThere is nothing to trust you for\u2014you came with your so-called Sunshot Campaign, did you not?\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao\u2019s quiet laughter pierces through Nie Mingjue\u2019s head, though he would not have heard if he was not listening for it. \u201cIndeed, but why shoot down the sun when it is so majestic? So\u2026 enthralling<\/em>.\u201d His voice turns sultry, making something burn in Nie Mingjue\u2019s gut.<\/p>\n

Every part of him is screaming to storm inside, slash Wen Ruohan at the throat, Meng Yao\u2014throttle him, watch the light dull from his playful eyes. His qi surges through his veins like anger, yet somehow\u2014<\/p>\n

Wen Ruohan\u2019s voice grows dangerous. \u201cI am not a cut-sleeve!\u201d he says, though there is a waver\u2014a weakness, a shuffling of cloth.<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed, yet you have no concubines for yourself,” says Meng Yao. “Would it be too much for Wen-zongzhu to indulge in such pleasures?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue’s grip around Baxia tightens\u2014he remembers the lithe body pressed against his, the heat, the passion\u2014<\/p>\n

Wen Ruohan speaks, breaking him out of his thoughts, the memory.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is not\u2014” he’s spluttering, like a fool. “I would never\u2014I am not\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite his words, breaths get cut off. An unspeakable feeling surges through Nie Mingjue\u2019s body until it almost blinds him with rage, and he storms in, red candles feeling like blood behind his eyes.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s the sound of a blade unsheathing. And the sight he comes to is not what he\u2019s expecting.<\/p>\n

Meng Yao hovering over Wen Ruohan\u2014Wen Ruohan at his mercy, stripped nearly naked, skin aglow in the dim candlelight. The shock on his face, the lust, still there, unequivocal. And suddenly Nie Mingjue feels better that this is what he comes to, Meng Yao\u2019s hand wrapped around the hilt of his sword, dragging it out as his wide eyes meet Nie Mingjue.<\/p>\n

\u201cNie\u2014\u201d he starts.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t,\u201d Nie Mingjue growls. He approaches, steps around Wen Ruohan\u2019s lifeless body. He is limp on the ground; outside, the fierce corpses fall away like crumbling buildings.<\/p>\n

His blood seeps out of his naked body, dark like tar. \u201cYou came here alone,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, meeting Meng Yao\u2019s gaze. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe assassination had been planned for me to come. My cultivation level is high enough.\u201d At his height, Nie Mingjue towers over Meng Yao. Meng Yao has never seemed smaller or meeker in these moments, but right now, with the conversation he has heard moments before Wen Ruohan\u2019s death, like an animal playing with its food, Nie Mingjue wishes. With his unsuppressed fury, the envy<\/em>\u2014and yet Meng Yao does not have the sense to look smaller, guileless.<\/p>\n

As it is, Meng Yao bows his head but not his shoulders. \u201cI should have told Nie-zongzhu,\u201d he says, \u201cbut I felt that I am quieter, less recognizable, more,\u201d his gaze flickers over Nie Mingjue\u2019s body, \u201cdiscreet.\u201d<\/p>\n

He turns back to Wen Ruohan\u2019s corpse. \u201cBut it is no matter, as the filth is dead\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would you want to go through Fire Palace alone?\u201d Nie Mingjue demands. \u201cWith your golden core\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo I need a golden core to drive a blade through a man\u2019s body?\u201d Meng Yao points out. He sheathes his blade away, dripping blood and all. \u201cIt is over now. Does it matter who killed Wen Ruohan?\u201d He sneers with disgust at Wen Ruohan\u2019s naked body.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue ignores the pleased flutter in his chest at this. \u201cI will not take credit for your actions,\u201d he says. \u201cRegardless, it was your blade, your hand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would not think Nie-zongzhu would do something so dishonorable, anyhow.\u201d Meng Yao\u2019s tone turns light now.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue cuffs him on the shoulder. \u201cWhen I tell the others it was you\u2014when I tell Jin Guangshan it was you, he is bound to recognize you. Not as a commander, but as his son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao\u2019s eyes shine bright, despite the shadows of the room. \u201cNie-zongzhu.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do not approve of you having gone through with this independently,\u201d Nie Mingjue is harsh to point out. \u201cBut, it is as you said. It does not matter, as Wen Ruohan is dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao bows to him. Now, he makes himself look smaller\u2014yet Nie Mingjue wants to see him, take him as an equal, as his own. It was what Nie Mingjue used to know, back in Qinghe, despite the gossip of other men. He remembers Meng Yao then, at his side, against his tongue, in his bed, warm and smiling in the snow-glow sunlight.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Nie-zongzhu,\u201d Meng Yao says. \u201cIf you would like to check on our men, please allow me to clean up the mess I have made.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course.\u201d Nie Mingjue kicks at Wen Ruohan\u2019s unmoving body. His wide-open eyes are disturbing, corpse lying in the fresh pool of his blood. \u201cYou\u2019re too good at cleaning up the trash, A-Yao.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meng Yao beams at him. \u201cIt is my pleasure.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At the banquet that night, Meng Yao looks healthier than ever, as if he had eaten the sun to glow for himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t let himself think about it for too long, however. If Meng Yao\u2014now Jin Guangyao, as Nie Mingjue had been correct and Jin Guangshan had taken in the killer of Wen Ruohan with open arms, as if A-Yao had always been a part of his family\u2014had wanted to assassinate Wen Ruohan himself, why hadn\u2019t he said anything? He was under no obligation to divulge his plans to other commanders, Nie Mingjue tells himself\u2014but why not tell Nie Mingjue who always trusted him, believed in him? If he had wanted a part of Nie Mingjue\u2019s revenge for killing his father, he would have only needed to say the word and Nie Mingjue would have brought him on. Anyone else and Nie Mingjue would have declined immediately, but A-Yao is right\u2014he is quiet, discreet, unrecognizable. He would not make a single misstep at Nie Mingjue\u2019s side.<\/p>\n

What if Nie Mingjue had arrived later? Would he have encountered Meng Yao seducing Wen Ruohan to his fullest, letting his guard down before stabbing him in the throat? Would Meng Yao have been naked too, mounted onto Wen Ruohan\u2019s body, purring, \u201cGive me a moment, Da-Ge,\u201d before murdering Wen Ruohan with his manhood still inside Meng Yao\u2019s body? Blood spurting from his mouth as Meng Yao rode him\u2014or if Nie Mingjue had never arrived, perhaps he would not have killed Wen Ruohan at all. Perhaps he would have told everyone Wen Ruohan was dead, took him for his own, his fierce corpses, his everything\u2014<\/p>\n

No, Jin Guangyao would not. He does not doubt that anyone has intended anything other than death for Wen Ruohan, even A-Yao\u2014even if Nie Mingjue had not put his word in as a witness, A-Yao would have brought Wen Ruohan\u2019s dead body out for all to see, the glory of his assassination falling on no one\u2019s shoulders but his own. Nie Mingjue has no doubt that he must have figured this himself, that with a witness or not, if Meng Yao had murdered Wen Ruohan, he would have made sure everyone would know. He would not be as despicable to join Qishan Wen for himself, though Nie Mingjue tries not to think too hard about what he had heard\u2014about Jin Guangyao offering himself up as a concubine, the husky low tone of his voice, his lips, bruised and battered and bloodied\u2014<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan is delighted enough to host a various number of celebrations for the end of the Sunshot Campaign, though on the third day there’s a restless ache in Nie Mingjue’s body. Still, he manages to ignore it, ignore Baxia screaming for blood when Lan Xichen says, \u201cYou look better than ever, A-Yao.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao\u2019s smile dimples at him. \u201cThank you, Er-ge.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLianfang-zun is what they\u2019re calling you,\u201d Nie Mingjue says with a snort. \u201cBut there is no shame in any names you have taken on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao turns his smile to him. \u201cDa-ge is too kind,\u201d he says; Nie Mingjue pretends that the new form of address doesn\u2019t make his skin tingle with desire. \u201cI am thankful, in any case, to be able to take on the name Jin.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve deserved no less,\u201d Lan Xichen says. \u201cYou\u2019re still the same A-Yao to us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBeing recognized by Jin Guangshan isn\u2019t that<\/em> much of an honor,\u201d Nie Mingjue grumbles. \u201cBut I can\u2019t say anymore, I don\u2019t want to incriminate myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao laugh.<\/p>\n

If Jin Guangyao had any other motivations for killing Wen Ruohan alone, Nie Mingjue cannot think of them\u2014even as precariousness lingers at the side of his mind, it\u2019s unfounded. Regardless of whether Nie Mingjue had known or not, nothing would have changed\u2014Wen Ruohan would still be dead, Jin Guangyao still would be recognized. It would certainly be different if Nie Mingjue had killed Wen Ruohan instead, as Meng Yao would still be Meng Yao\u2014but then Nie Mingjue would have insisted on taking him back as his deputy, if Meng Yao had been unhappy with his position in Lanling Jin. Nie Mingjue would have guaranteed Meng Yao received the honor he deserved, for his intelligence and his capability.<\/p>\n

Wen Ruohan\u2019s body has been disposed of\u2014Nie Mingjue does not know how, but Jin Guangyao had cleaned up extremely well, as the secret room is now stainless, bathed in yellow candlelight the next time Nie Mingjue sees. There\u2019s not a trace of his blood, his flesh, and the only fierce corpses move by Wei Wuxian\u2019s command, which\u2014is something Lan Xichen insists his brother is taking care of.<\/p>\n

\u201cWei Wuxian\u2019s cultivation methods are questionable,\u201d Nie Mingjue says to him one day. \u201cAnd digging up graves\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe hasn\u2019t done so since the Sunshot Campaign ended. Wangji told me,\u201d Lan Xichen tells him. \u201cWangji says he will look at our musical texts when we return to Gusu. To find other ways for Wei Wuxian to practice his cultivation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour brother\u2019s stubbornness knows no bounds,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, and Lan Xichen smiles at this.<\/p>\n

It is Xichen\u2019s idea as well to take an oath together, the three of them\u2014Nie Mingjue winning battle after battle against Qishan Wen, Lan Xichen\u2019s reputation of sweeping in and rescuing those who were in danger, Jin Guangyao\u2019s final assassination, the blood still on his blade. \u201cPeople talk about the three of us,\u201d Lan Xichen says that evening before the banquet. \u201cHow we bring them hope.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou<\/em> bring them hope,\u201d Jin Guangyao points out. \u201cDa-ge brings them awe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd fear,\u201d Nie Mingjue says. \u201cDon\u2019t think I haven\u2019t heard men talking about how they\u2019re too afraid to cross me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s ridiculous, I agree,\u201d Jin Guangyao says with a nod. \u201cThey say your anger is legendary, but I\u2019ve never seen it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNor have I,\u201d Lan Xichen adds, eyes twinkling.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue growls. \u201cNow that\u2019s not true. You both know\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

But Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao break into peals of laughter. \u201cI think Da-ge likes being feared,\u201d Jin Guangyao says. \u201cIs that anger on purpose, Da-ge?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do not! But the both of you\u2014\u201d Nie Mingjue feels his cheeks warm as the words die from his mouth. \u201cYour brother isn\u2019t afraid of me,\u201d he says to Lan Xichen, to deflect.<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed. But he is also careful not to cross you,\u201d Lan Xichen says. \u201cAnd it is the three of us who spark that confidence, for everyone to know that Gusu Lan, Qinghe Nie, and now Lanling Jin will forever remain as strong allies, because of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do recall my saber spirit,\u201d Nie Mingjue reminds him. \u201cIt will not be long, before\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have time,\u201d Lan Xichen says. \u201cAnd there is a Song of Clarity, at least, to put it at bay. A-Yao and I have been talking.\u201d He nods at Jin Guangyao. \u201cHe is learning it on the guqin, from me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue thinks of his brother. \u201cAnd there is the matter of Huaisang\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDa-ge, you\u2019re thinking too much,\u201d Jin Guangyao says, putting a hand on his arm. He looks better than the most expensive concubine, than a maiden on her wedding day. Nie Mingjue\u2019s eyes strain to look directly at him. \u201cWhy do we not listen to what Er-ge has to say, and discuss the matter of your saber spirit later?\u201d<\/p>\n

And so they do; and at the banquet, the three of them take a triumvirate oath, a swearing of brotherhood. It is miles away from what Nie Mingjue wants from them\u2014from both of them, though what he and Lan Xichen used to do as teens goes unspoken now. But it is the next best, and close, as they do talk about visits, after, and the saber spirit, and Huaisang, who Nie Mingjue accidentally lashed out at before dinner. And so they are sworn brothers, \u4e09\u5c0a, and Nie Mingjue ignores the uneasy feeling in his gut as his eyes meet Jin Guangyao\u2019s.<\/p>\n

It is easier to pass off the feeling as lust, rather than suspicion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And so the cultivation world goes on, progresses beyond the bloodshed Wen Ruohan had inflicted upon them all. They depart with their sects, though Jin Guangshan claims Nightless City as Jin territory, and Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t care enough to argue with the Chief Cultivator about it. Possession of previous Wen land means less to him now that the war is over and Baxia makes her thirst for blood louder, more acute, with each night hunt, each monster she craves and consumes.<\/p>\n

And of course there\u2019s the matter of hiding it from Huaisang, and also the matter of Wei Wuxian\u2019s possession of his so-called Yin Hu Fu. With so much going on, even if Nie Mingjue wanted to voice his strange feeling about Jin Guangyao to Lan Xichen, he wouldn\u2019t\u2014he does not make baseless claims, accusations without the slightest amount of proof. And he doubts that Lan Xichen would take to such implications, anyway; his most redeeming quality (and most foolish, if Nie Mingjue were asked) is his ability to believe in the best of everyone. No, even suggesting his skepticism to Xichen would not help matters at all, so Nie Mingjue tucks it in the back of his mind and keeps silent.<\/p>\n

In continuing with the celebration of the fall of Wen Ruohan some weeks later, back in Qinghe, there\u2019s a tickling in his mind when Nie Mingjue receives a summons for a guest. He arrives in the main hall to find Jin Guangyao, tired and pale but still smiling, who bows as Nie Mingjue approaches.<\/p>\n

\u201cEnough of that. I thought Xichen trained that out of you,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, lifting Jin Guangyao\u2019s arms back up.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao meets his eyes. \u201cRegarding Da-ge is not the same as greeting Er-ge.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNonsense,\u201d Nie Mingjue says with a roll of his eyes.<\/p>\n

They head towards Nie Mingjue\u2019s office, Jin Guangyao pressing close\u2014but not too close, not uncomfortable. \u201cHow is Huaisang?\u201d Jin Guangyao asks conversationally.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s\u2014well, you know. Dillydallying with his art, not putting enough energy into sword practice.\u201d Nie Mingjue thinks spitefully of the books of poetry in Huaisang\u2019s room. He\u2019s going to have to talk to someone about hiding those away from him.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao says, neutrally, \u201cIndeed, though it is good he is putting his energy into anything at all, instead of lazing around.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d rather him laze around.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t mean that, Da-ge,\u201d Jin Guangyao says as they approach his office. \u201cAnd even if you do\u2014well.\u201d<\/p>\n

He brandishes an envelope from his robes. An invitation, Nie Mingjue recognizes, from the Lanling Jin letterhead, the pretentious seal on the back they use to invite the other major sects for Jin-hosted events.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re organizing a night hunt for all the sects who took part in the Sunshot Campaign,\u201d Jin Guangyao continues. \u201cAnd I thought I might have the honor of delivering Qinghe Nie\u2019s invitation in person.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA night hunt would be good,\u201d Nie Mingjue says thoughtfully. \u201cUp the morale, get the cultivators\u2019 blood pumping.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed,\u201d Jin Guangyao says, beaming.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s standing so close to Nie Mingjue now\u2014they\u2019ve not sat down, and Nie Mingjue still has the proffered invitation in hand. Jin Guangyao leans in, and Nie Mingjue can almost hear him breathing. His heart quickens at the proximity.<\/p>\n

He steps away, towards his desk. \u201cWell, of course I accept the invitation,\u201d he says, opening the encasing and casting a brief glance over it. \u201cI\u2019ll bring plenty of cultivators as well. And Huaisang, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course.\u201d Jin Guangyao moves close to him again. Infinitesimally, his nostrils flare. \u201cI do look forward to seeing you participate as well. You could certainly destroy so many guai<\/em> that it\u2019ll be difficult for everyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t do that,\u201d Nie Mingjue says. He wants to shift away, but\u2014Jin Guangyao is the type to call him out for it. He is so close, so warm.<\/p>\n

He laughs. \u201cWe both know that you have difficulty discerning what is a reasonable amount for normal people,\u201d he says. \u201cRemember when I used to accompany you on your night hunts? Your men would ask you where you got your injuries and you\u2019d say it was minor, just from ten gui or so.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not much,\u201d Nie Mingjue argues, and Jin Guangyao chuckles again.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot for you, perhaps. But you underestimate how much even one guai can affect a person,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

There are dark shadows under his eyes. At their proximity, Nie Mingjue can\u2019t help but say, \u201cHave you been sleeping properly A-Yao? You look terrible again.\u201d He furrows his eyebrows.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao does step away at this, turning his gaze elsewhere, off Nie Mingjue\u2019s face. \u201cI am fine, Da-ge,\u201d he says, voice thin. \u201cIt was just a long journey here from Lanling.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen you must stay and rest,\u201d Nie Mingjue says.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao shakes his head. \u201cThe night hunt is in several days. I must head to Gusu for Er-ge\u2019s invitation as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Nie Mingjue looks closer, the differences in Jin Guangyao are staggering. It\u2019s so easy to get swept away by his smooth voice, enticing eyes\u2014yet there is dryness to his skin, stiffness to the strands of hair framing his face, something lackluster about him.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao\u2019s gaze flickers over him again\u2014something unreadable enters his expression. \u201cThank you for your hospitality, Da-ge, however brief,\u201d he says. \u201cI will try to rest on my journey to Gusu.\u201d<\/p>\n

He departs, and Nie Mingjue hopes he will look better at the night hunt on Phoenix Mountain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Blood and fear and Nie Mingjue\u2019s golden core\u2014he wants to curl around it, sink his teeth into it, devour it. He feels so empty\u2014but not Da-ge, no, not yet<\/em>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The night hunt gets upstaged by Wei Wuxian of all people, with his performance that enrages Jin Guangshan and, in all honesty, impresses Nie Mingjue. Despite his cultivation methods, there\u2019s no question that Wei Wuxian is immensely talented\u2014he hopes Lan Wangji\u2019s attempts to subdue him are nothing less than successful, as no sect needs another war so soon.<\/p>\n

On the hunt, the direction Nie Mingjue takes with his men is luckily full of gui, of varying levels but no match against Baxia, who thirsts for death. While it\u2019s better to keep her balanced, at bay, Nie Mingjue also doesn\u2019t want to think\u2014wants to hack, slash, do what he does best. The anger and every other emotion he prefers to keep bubbling under his skin\u2014and, frequently, fails to keep just there\u2014feels like nothing when his body moves in the familiar patterns. Destroy gui, purge guai, feel at home in the trees of Phoenix Mountain as the monsters come at him. Baxia sings in pleasure and Nie Mingjue takes the time to breathe, to calm his golden core.<\/p>\n

They\u2019ve made their way well enough through the wood; Nie Huaisang had managed to disappear before they had ventured into the mountains. Nie Mingjue takes comfort in the fact that at least he is safe, with his weak golden core, though the aggravation that Huaisang is yet again skipping out on an opportunity to practice his bladework makes Nie Mingjue grit his teeth. With Baxia, he stops; he doesn’t need the break, but something makes his senses veer, verge into a momentary pause. He closes his eyes and inhales, thoughts of Huaisang, Baxia\u2014and maybe a hunger, an emptiness.<\/p>\n

Lost in his thoughts, he almost doesn\u2019t hear the soft voices some distance away. And then there\u2019s a tinkling laughter\u2014Jin Guangyao\u2019s laughter.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue opens his eyes. Quietly, he makes his way through the trees so he can hear the words that are being spoken.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, Huang-gongzi, you flatter me,\u201d says Jin Guangyao\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cI did not intend to,\u201d says another voice\u2014Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t know it, but he\u2019s sure there are plenty of cultivators named Huang. \u201cI only speak the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetrothal is not yet a concern of mine. But Huang-gongzi is pleasing to the eye as well,\u201d Jin Guangyao says.<\/p>\n

\u201cJin-gongzi flatters me as well,\u201d says Huang. There\u2019s no mistaking a blush in his words. Nie Mingjue\u2019s grip tightens around Baxia\u2019s hilt.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao says, \u201cHave you ever been with a man, A-Huang?\u201d and Nie Mingjue turns away. Jin Guangyao isn’t\u2014but the laughter, his tousled hair gracing Nie Mingjue’s bed, flashes through Nie Mingjue’s memory. But Nie Mingjue doesn’t own him; Jin Guangyao has never belonged to him. He made sure to make that clear, back when they were in Qinghe, together, side by side.<\/p>\n

Still\u2014<\/p>\n

He storms back to his men, boots crunching on the leaves unmistakably loudly. He hopes Jin Guangyao and his friend hear them. Nie Mingjue ignores the few animals that scurry away, towards the conversation that he\u2019d just eavesdropped on. He orders his men to help him find more demons to hunt.<\/p>\n

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\n

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After the hunt, Nie Mingjue goes out of his way to look for this Huang<\/em>, who is flattering to Jin Guangyao\u2019s eye, apparently. He asks around, but no one seems to know where anyone named Huang is.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think there was a cultivator under Yueyang Chang named Huang,\u201d says a Jin cultivator he asks. \u201cBut I\u2019ve only met him once and haven\u2019t seen him since the night hunt began.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the end, Nie Mingjue stops looking. Jin Guangyao does not disappear privately with anyone for the next couple of days, filled with a celebratory banquet despite how a sizable amount of the monsters had been captured and redirected by Wei Wuxian, right into the traps belonging to Yunmeng Jiang. It\u2019s an annoyance, but Nie Mingjue cannot deny that he had killed just as many monsters, if not more.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao looks better now, better than when he\u2019d visited Qinghe, and when the night hunt had begun. Despite this, an uneasy feeling grows in Nie Mingjue\u2019s stomach.<\/p>\n

He wants to investigate the disappearance of the previous Langya commander, but knows he cannot do so without attracting attention\u2014without attracting Jin Guangyao\u2019s attention. \u201cHave you spoken with A-Yao recently?\u201d he asks Lan Xichen on the third night of the banquet, as Jin Guangshan goes on with his ostentatious bragging about Jin Zixuan\u2019s achievements during the night hunt, drinking more and more wine. Jin Zixun looks unhappy from a few seats down.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen chuckles like Nie Mingjue had told a particularly funny joke. \u201cOf course I have,\u201d he says, sipping his tea. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes he seem\u2014\u201d Nie Mingjue struggles to find the words. He does not want Lan Xichen reading too much into his words. \u201cSignificantly stressed, occasionally?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut who would blame him? Now that Jin Guangshan\u2019s brought him on as part of his family, he never declines any responsibility A-Yao volunteers for.\u201d At this, Lan Xichen\u2019s lips do turn downward. \u201cI do hope he doesn\u2019t overexert himself and keeps the rest of his body healthy. It\u2019s unfortunate that his cultivation level is so low.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are the qin lessons?\u201d Nie Mingjue asks.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen beams. \u201cBrilliant. He\u2019s picked up on the fundamentals quickly, though he\u2019s not a natural like Wangji. Then again, not many are.\u201d He hums thoughtfully and places a bean sprout in his mouth.<\/p>\n

So Jin Guangyao still keeps up with Lan Xichen and the guqin lessons just fine. But as Nie Mingjue turns his gaze back up to the Jins, where Jin Guangyao is sitting between Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun,\u00a0 Nie Mingjue feels that doubt creep colder in his mind.<\/p>\n

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\n

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Things come to a head a\u00a0day later, when Wei Wuxian, who\u2019s been notably absent despite having been in the hunt, storms in and demands to speak with Jin Zixun. It\u2019s almost admirable with the way he threatens the truth out of Jin Zixun\u2014yet when the news of Qiongqi Path is broken to him that evening, amidst Jin Guangyao\u2019s harried words, Nie Mingjue figures they should\u2019ve seen this coming. Cultivators who rely on magic, control of fierce corpses\u2014even the utilization of saber spirits does not come close to the manipulation of dead spirits.<\/p>\n

As expected, Jin Guangshan calls a meeting, since at least a hundred of his cultivators were murdered by Wei Wuxian on Qiongqi Path. Nie Mingjue has his sympathies; Wei Wuxian is far too unpredictable, the methods he had used during the Sunshot Campaign as well a stark reminder to all of them. Yet Jin Guangshan goes on about his horrible acts, misdeeds, then suddenly blatant lies that no one bats an eyelash at.<\/p>\n

There is some commotion, discrepancies, Lan Wangji and a young woman from Lanling Jin speak out against him. And of all people, it’s Jin Guangyao who retorts, who replies with a smile on his face that it’s certain they’ve all forgotten what Wei Wuxian had said. That Jin Guangyao had forgotten what he said.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue knows Jin Guangyao, recalls: by the second time Meng Yao had come into Nie Mingjue’s bed, he could trace all of Nie Mingjue’s moles, in exactly the right places, in the dark of his bed chambers. Nie Mingjue knows that even if his own memory fails him, Jin Guangyao’s would not, and that feeling unfolds from the back of his mind. Something\u2014something not quite right.<\/p>\n

Afterwards,\u00a0 Lan Xichen tells Jin Guangyao, \u201cA-Yao, you\u2019ve been hard at work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot as hard as Yunmeng Jiang will have it.\u201d Jin Guangyao glances to the table that Jiang Wanyin had been sitting at, along with a few of his disciples. \u201cIt must be difficult, to be faced with such betrayal in front of the rest of the cultivation world.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue feels the doubt creeping, the comfortable familiarity of anger\u2014and yet, the unfamiliarity of it being directed at Jin Guangyao. He does not want to humiliate, but with Lan Xichen\u2014and with the saber spirit, rattling a bit more, day by day\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd yet, a certain kind of courage to lie to the face of the cultivation world as well,\u201d he snarls.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao turn to him with some alarm. \u201cDa-ge,\u201d Lan Xichen says gently. \u201cWhat do you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA-Huan.\u201d Nie Mingjue can\u2019t help but let the endearment, Lan Xichen\u2019s informal name that Jin Guangyao has never earned the right to use, slip out. \u201cYou know as well as I do that Wei Wuxian would never denounce his shidi<\/em> in front of others, much less in front of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

He turns to Jin Guangyao, whose expression imperceptibly flickers through an array of emotions, before turning to a wan smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cDa-ge, if you are accusing me\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not accusing you. I am merely wondering why you prioritize your father’s frivolous approval over honesty,\u201d Nie Mingjue bites out. \u201cWei Wuxian massacred Jin cultivators, yes. He didn’t massacre Jiang Wanyin’s cultivators. You only said that to further anger him. Did your father take your mind as well as your loyalty, A-Yao? Are you his dog now?”<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd yet, you have no father left yourself,\u201d Jin Guangyao fires back.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue feels his insides turn to ice. The scowl on Jin Guangyao\u2019s face is ugly, as flawless as every other aspect of his appearance is. It’s almost unrecognizable, he<\/em> is almost unrecognizable, and Nie Mingjue wants to tear the expression off, ruin him, unruin him.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen quietly says, \u201cA-Yao\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m leaving,\u201d Nie Mingjue says.<\/p>\n

He thunders out of the room. Jin Guangyao was there when he was still Meng Yao, when Nie Mingjue was still picking up after his sect after Wen Ruohan had murdered his father. Nie Mingjue remembers the shock, the words coming out of his body as new sect leader, but not his heart. Remembers the tears on Huaisang\u2019s face and the days passing with a sliver of more power under his fist, still not used to it. Remembers Meng Yao, quiet and demure and far more obedient, effective than Nie Mingjue could have wished for, before he was even his deputy.<\/p>\n

Remembers Meng Yao’s body, nestled into his.<\/p>\n

He leaves Lanling with his men that night. The way that feeling creeps whenever his thoughts linger too much on Meng Yao have turned into a festering wound, tilting towards the saber spirit. He is violent in his room when they get back to Qinghe, but then thinks of Xichen, his brother.<\/p>\n

He breathes and sleeps and continues on.<\/p>\n

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\n

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It\u2019s some weeks later when Lan Xichen writes to him, a letter about how things are back in the Cloud Recesses, along with a heartfelt paragraph about how Jin Guangyao regrets what he had said to Nie Mingjue, and has been devoting more time to learning the qin from him. Nie Mingjue snorts, but then Lan Xichen closes the letter with how he wishes to visit Qinghe soon, and would Nie Mingjue be amenable to that?<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue responds that he would like nothing more than to see Lan Xichen again, and sends the letter off without mention of Jin Guangyao.<\/p>\n

It is, however, in vain, as after the formalities upon Lan Xichen\u2019s arrival, when he and Nie Mingjue are alone, Lan Xichen starts with, \u201cA-Yao begs for your forgiveness from him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll believe it when I hear it from him,\u201d Nie Mingjue grunts.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen tilts his head. \u201cHe told me that you have not responded to any of his letters.\u201d<\/p>\n

Indeed, when Nie Mingjue sees a messenger come in with a letter bearing a Jin seal, he orders the messenger to toss it into the fire. \u201cThen he shall have to wait when I do,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen purses his lips. \u201cYou and A-Yao were both very impassioned during your argument,\u201d he says. \u201cYou were both saying things you didn\u2019t mean\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI meant every word I said,\u201d Nie Mingjue says.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen goes quiet, watching him.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue hastens. \u201cI apologize, A-Huan. But you cannot deny that it is disturbing that A-Yao will go to such lengths to follow Jin Guangshan.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf it eases your heart, A-Yao has confided in me that their relationship has grown\u2026 difficult,\u201d Lan Xichen admits. \u201cA-Yao is going through one of his stressful periods again, and just the other day I heard him talking back to his father.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs \u2018no eavesdropping\u2019 not one of the three thousand rules of Gusu Lan?\u201d Nie Mingjue says thoughtfully.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen flushes. \u201cI was not eavesdropping, I merely happened to overhear\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue laughs. \u201cIf you broke one of your sect\u2019s horrid thousand rules, have it be known that I am not one to complain,\u201d he says. And, unfortunately, the weight in his chest does feel lighter at the news of Jin Guangyao\u2019s loyalty to Jin Guangshan becoming more strained. Remaining silent for political reasons does not mean Nie Mingjue\u2019s distaste for Jin Guangshan has lessened; while the needs of many are more important than the few\u2014than his own private dislike\u2014Nie Mingjue still tries to keep his conversations with the Chief Cultivator to a minimum.<\/p>\n

The matter of Wei Wuxian does not fall away, however. He has fled to the Burial Mounds; there is much talk of sieging over, seizing control of his Yin Hu Fu and overthrowing his control of Wen Ning, who has become a fierce corpse. But with Gusu Lan still working on building the Cloud Recesses, and Jiang Wanyin restoring the order of Yunmeng Jiang, the plans only go barely discussed.<\/p>\n

The saber spirit in Nie Mingjue\u2019s golden core grows by the day, and he searches for more demons, more nights to hunt.<\/p>\n

It does not take long, after a few more visits from Lan Xichen, until Nie Mingjue grudgingly admits that he would not mind seeing Jin Guangyao again. It has been a few months since the encounter at the banquet, and what Lan Xichen keeps insisting to him is not wrong. Though Nie Mingjue will stand by what he said, he cannot deny that perhaps he had been overly accusatory towards Jin Guangyao\u2014that though what he had said was unthinkable, he had likely been speaking out of anger. He does not get angry; Nie Mingjue had never seen it before. The twisted expression on his face haunts Nie Mingjue sometimes, something Nie Mingjue\u2019s uncovered about him.<\/p>\n

He does not know if he wants to know who Jin Guangyao is, raw\u2014but before then, everything he had shown Nie Mingjue had been nothing short of respectable. This new side to Jin Guangyao’s face is unsettling, like the lurking in the back of his mind. But then Nie Mingjue remembers the nights of Qinghe, before, his laughter as Nie Mingjue sucked the blood off his shoulder. Nie Mingjue had taken him as he was and is, son of a prostitute, effortlessly Meng Yao. Jin Guangyao should be just the same.<\/p>\n

And so it is when Lan Xichen notes that he will not have time to play the Song of Clarity for him, but that A-Yao would like to try for once if Nie Mingjue is willing, that Nie Mingjue makes himself agree. He feels it in his mind before the summon, when Jin Guangyao arrives, half a fortnight later.<\/p>\n

The smile on his face is hesitant. \u201cDa-ge,\u201d Jin Guangyao says when Nie Mingjue enters the hall. He bows deeply, deeper than Nie Mingjue has ever seen him bow before. \u201cI know it has been too long, but I cannot express the amount of regret at the words I spoke the last time we saw each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJin Guangyao,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, and feels a sick pleasure at the way Jin Guangyao flinches at the use of his courtesy name. \u201cWould you grovel if I asked you to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Jin Guangyao says immediately.<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you kowtow and beg for forgiveness three times if I told you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I asked you to leave Lanling Jin and return to Qinghe as my deputy, would you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao hesitates at this. He does not lift his eyes up, but Nie Mingjue sees the tension in his shoulders.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue sighs. It\u2019s been too long, and\u2014he doesn\u2019t know what else to ask of him.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy forgiveness is not easily won,\u201d he says, and sees Jin Guangyao tense even more. \u201cBut, A-Yao, if you regret it as much as I do, I see no reason to cause any more issue between Qinghe Nie and Lanling Jin.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao jerks his head back up, nodding enthusiastically. \u201cOf course, Da-ge,\u201d he says, apology still on his face. \u201cI should not have used the memory of your father against you. But surely you must now understand why I had to defend my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet us speak no more of the matter,\u201d Nie Mingjue says shortly. But he turns, and beckons for Jin Guangyao to follow. \u201cCome, Xichen told me your playing of the Song of Clarity is as good as his now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t say that,\u201d Jin Guangyao says with a small smile, but joins him.<\/p>\n

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With Jin Guangyao visiting again, along with Lan Xichen\u2014and sometimes both, if their schedules allow, it feels as though the days are passing like they should. But Nie Mingjue does notice, since Lan Xichen had pointed it out, that Jin Guangyao does not bring up his own father, again.<\/p>\n

It is not for lack of his presence, especially when Nie Mingjue finds himself in Lanling again, to conference about leading a siege to the Burial Mounds and taking care of Wei Wuxian. The welcoming party proceeds as usual, and the tug Nie Mingjue gets in his head disappears when he and Jin Guangyao lock eyes, and smile. There is nothing when Nie Mingjue finds Lan Xichen before dinner, elbowing him about his new hairpiece\u2014just soothing warmth in his chest, with him.<\/p>\n

His seat is closer to Lan Xichen during the meal, but he still keeps an eye on Jin Guangyao, watches him as he speaks to his father. His expression is tight; and the pallid tone to his skin has returned, with gaunt cheekbones and shadowed eyes and hair so dry it must be falling apart.<\/p>\n

And towards the end of the meal, when Nie Mingjue is close enough to hear Jin Guangyao say, “And if I can show you the plans for the lookout towers\u2014”<\/p>\n

“This again,” Jin Guangshan says with a scoff. “I already said, A-Yao<\/em>, who has the time or resources for such a thing?”<\/p>\n

“We do,” Jin Guangyao argues. “We’re the richest cultivation sect.”<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan waves him off, with a literal brandish of his hand. “I don’t have time for foolish ambitions.”<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao’s face twists, uglier than when he and Nie Mingjue had been arguing. Nie Mingjue sees the veins popping on his neck, pressed lips, jaw clench\u2014<\/p>\n

“Da-ge, have you seen my fan?”<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue tears his gaze away to Huaisang, frowning at him with his empty hands. Huaisang complains, “I know I brought it, and if you took it away again…”<\/p>\n

“That’s just as likely as you losing it, with a memory as bad as yours.” When Nie Mingjue glances at Jin Guangshan again, Jin Guangyao is gone\u2014Jin Guangshan is bending down, speaking to a maiden from another sect.<\/p>\n

“My memory isn’t that<\/em> bad. I wouldn’t misplace my favorite fan,” Huaisang protests.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue raises his eyebrows at him. “I remember just last week…”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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The anger and indignity almost overpowers the hunger. Almost, with\u2014<\/p>\n

No, no, he can’t. Not quite yet.<\/p>\n

But why not?<\/em><\/p>\n

There’s too much to be done, this isn’t supposed to be a hindrance\u2014even with the proceedings with the rest of the world, with everyone else, he can\u2014he is in power. In control. There is nothing in here with him anymore.<\/p>\n

But why not? Why not, when Da-ge…<\/em><\/p>\n

Him too?<\/p>\n

No, but if<\/em>\u2014if he is full, if\u2014<\/p>\n

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\u201cA-Yao is stressed again,\u201d Lan Xichen says.<\/p>\n

He had come with Nie Mingjue to his chambers after dinner, for a few rounds of Clarity. Nie Mingjue is almost disappointed that Jin Guangyao hadn\u2019t joined as well, if not that Lan Xichen\u2019s company is just as good, his presence just as soothing.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue hums in agreement. He runs a guqin string between his fingers, from where he and Lan Xichen are sitting across from each other. \u201cI do not worry,\u201d he says, because he doesn\u2019t. \u201cBut he and his father\u2014it was only a matter of time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do not blame yourself, do you?\u201d Lan Xichen asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course not.\u201d Nie Mingjue snorts. \u201cWho wants to get along with Jin Guangshan? If I was his son, I would speak out against him on the first day. I\u2019m impressed that A-Yao has lasted as long as he has.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe does have better control over his temper than you, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cXichen,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, but Lan Xichen lets out a light laugh and bumps their knees together.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt does make me wonder, though, to what lengths Jin Guangshan will go to,\u201d Lan Xichen says. \u201cA-Yao only wants the best for him, for everyone, but the Chief Cultivator\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d Nie Mingjue inquires.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen flushes, casts his gaze down. \u201cI am merely considering that if things become so fraught, then A-Yao will become demoted from his position.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJin Guangshan would do such a thing,\u201d Nie Mingjue considers. And grins: \u201cAnd Xichen, if you wanted to talk behind other people\u2019s backs, you should\u2019ve just said so.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would not do such a thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd yet, you imply so lowly of Jin Guangshan\u2019s integrity,\u201d Nie Mingjue teases. \u201cWhy not be mean? I think with all your Gusu Lan teachings, you\u2019ve earned it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I think you and A-Yao are mean enough for the three of us,\u201d Lan Xichen replies.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue actually barks out a laugh. \u201cSo many implications in a single sentence!\u201d He grins and leans into Lan Xichen\u2019s shoulder like they\u2019re sharing a secret; Lan Xichen leans back, and Nie Mingjue remembers when they were teens, kids, swordfighting in the courtyard, snickering against each other, crawling into beds and pressing their bodies together.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere has the time gone?\u201d Nie Mingjue says to Lan Xichen. \u201cLook at us now, both sect leaders.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI agree, I wish we spent far more time in the safety of our youth,\u201d Lan Xichen reminisces. \u201cI feel far too young, sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t feel young enough,\u201d Nie Mingjue says. Then snickers. \u201cLend me some of your <\/em>youth, old man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever,\u201d Lan Xichen says, smile quirking at his lips.<\/p>\n

The room feels warmer; the points where they touch, where their gazes meet feel fizzy, like a firecracker. Nie Mingjue thinks he\u2019s going to say something\u2014<\/p>\n

Then a strange image, out of nowhere, of A-Yao smiling at him, blood on his teeth. Around his mouth.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s gone in an instant, but doesn\u2019t stop the dread creeping up around Nie Mingjue\u2019s heart. He gets up immediately.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen looks worried now. \u201cDa-ge?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cI,\u201d and Nie Mingjue goes to the door, to the corridor. He needs to find Jin Guangyao, to find\u2014there\u2019s something else, something\u2014he doesn\u2019t know what it is. Not his golden core and not the saber spirit. Frustration courses through his body, but more than that he feels\u2014thickness in his mouth, his fingers\u2014<\/p>\n

He looks down; his hands are dripping with blood. Gasping in horror, he staggers back, hitting the stone-cold wall. When he looks down again, in the dim candlelight, his hands are\u2014fine. Bloodless.<\/p>\n

\u201cMingjue?\u201d Lan Xichen\u2019s followed him out, crease in his perfect brow with worry.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue opens his mouth\u2014and then, in the shadow of a corridor, it\u2019s\u2014Wen Ruohan\u2019s body, no, Wen Ruohan, grinning in the darkness, paler than a fierce corpse. Blood on his mustache, that lust in his eyes; as the candle lights flicker, the shadows give way to the what\u2019s left of the rest of his body, and Nie Mingjue\u2019s mouth turns warm\u2014<\/p>\n

He shouts, feeling for Baxia who\u2019s not there, who\u2019s\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cDa-ge!\u201d Lan Xichen holds Nie Mingjue up from where he\u2019s slipping against the wall. Sweat beads at Nie Mingjue\u2019s temple, and he looks up at Lan Xichen, barely recognizing him, features distorted in the darkness.<\/p>\n

\u201cXichen,\u201d he makes himself say; his voice sounds hoarse.<\/p>\n

\u201cMingjue.\u201d Now that Lan Xichen is closer, Nie Mingjue makes his eyes rake over the face he\u2019s known nearly all his life, that he loves. \u201cMingjue, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue opens his mouth\u2014but it\u2019s at that moment when another voice goes, \u201cNie-zongzhu!\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue startles, jerking back in fear; he\u2019s never felt smaller his entire life. But it\u2019s only a Jin disciple, looking between Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue with confusion, concern etched on his face.<\/p>\n

Down the hallway, it\u2019s empty, not even a memory of Wen Ruohan lurking around the corner.<\/p>\n

\u201cNie-zongzhu,\u201d the Jin disciple says again, when Nie Mingjue manages to stand back up, clutching at Lan Xichen for support. \u201cAre you alright? You\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Nie Mingjue feels his mouth make the words, hears them in his ears. He doesn\u2019t feel fine. His mouth is thick and hot, so hot.<\/p>\n

The disciple glances between the both of them with worry. Lan Xichen, with all his arm strength, manages to balance perfectly fine with Nie Mingjue hanging off him with very little dignity.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs there something wrong?\u201d Lan Xichen asks the disciple.<\/p>\n

The Jin disciple\u2019s face goes awash with panic again. \u201cIt\u2019s the Chief Cultivator. The door to his chambers is locked, no one\u2019s seen him all evening, no one\u2019s come in or out, he won\u2019t respond\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d This makes Nie Mingjue feel back in his body\u2014something to focus on, someone else in danger. This is familiar, not the fear for himself, his own mortality beyond his wavering golden core. \u201cIs anyone with him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t know.\u201d The Jin disciple wrings his hands. \u201cJin-furen hasn\u2019t seen him either, but she usually is nowhere near him when Jin-zongzhu is\u2014\u201d He swallows his words, unable to speak ill of his sect leader, or of his affairs.<\/p>\n

It is not unusual, of course, for Jin Guangshan to have taken an early night, especially if he has a maiden with him. However, for disciples to be unable to enter his chambers, the lack of response\u2014\u201dHow long has he been in there?\u201d Nie Mingjue asks, straightening up, mind desperately trying to find something to hold onto. Something that isn\u2019t blood, Wen Ruohan, his old deputy\u2019s bloodied, grinning face\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cAll day,\u201d the disciple says. \u201cIt\u2019s why we\u2014we figured he must be indulging in\u2014something, but when he hasn\u2019t attended any meals, or even asked for a summons, we figured that something\u2014\u201d He\u2019s breathless. \u201cNie-zongzhu, do you think you could\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m on it,\u201d Nie Mingjue replies, hand gripping tightly back around Baxia slid into his hand by Lan Xichen, mind gripping around what the fuck is going on with Jin Guangshan. \u201cStay here,\u201d he tells Lan Xichen, whose face is filled with worry. He nods.<\/p>\n

The disciple leads him to Jin Guangshan\u2019s chambers through the maze of Jinlin Tai\u2019s hallways. He stops outside the doors, saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know if you want to call for him first, if he might respond to Nie-zongzhu\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably no more than you,\u201d Nie Mingjue says grimly, and barrels at the door with Baxia.<\/p>\n

Despite that the door is made of metal, Baxia\u2019s increasing bloodthirstiness combined with the adrenaline coursing through Nie Mingjue\u2019s body, the anger and fear and the anger at his own fear wins out\u2014after several minutes of hacking, the metal gives way, dents, pierces open. There\u2019s no room for the disciple to peer through curiously, and Nie Mingjue is busy channeling all his spiritual energy into Baxia to make the opening wide enough that he isn\u2019t looking into the room, until the space in the damaged door is wide enough.<\/p>\n

The metal flays, the hole barely wide enough for two men to crawl through, much less Nie Mingjue. But at the sight of candles, smell of\u2014smoke, burning flesh, Nie Mingjue sheathes Baxia and hurries in, unconcerned about the scrape of metal against his skin.<\/p>\n

The room is covered in candles, littering the ground, wax seeping onto rugs, hot and melting. And at the center of the room, with hot wax crawling up it\u2014<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan\u2019s body is worse here, real and in front of him, than what Nie Mingjue had thought he\u2019d seen of Wen Ruohan earlier. The Chief Cultivator\u2019s eyes are open, frozen in terror, chest gutted out in front of him, hint of bones and spines and ribs through the dangling string of his insides. Guts and blood spilling out onto the floor, chunks of his flesh missing like his body had been left for wild dogs to feed from, even though the rest of the room is empty. Silent.<\/p>\n

A window lingers open, the night wind whipping at the pane. Nie Mingjue peers out\u2014it\u2019s at least a li drop from here. The culprit couldn\u2019t have\u2014<\/p>\n

His stomach turns when he looks at Jin Guangshan\u2019s body again. Candle wax has begun to drip on his feet, the hair on his head. He can\u2019t bring himself to move it just yet.<\/p>\n

The disciple had taken one look at Jin Guangshan and ran out, presumably to empty his stomach. Nie Mingjue can\u2019t blame him.<\/p>\n

But his mind\u2014his mind flits to Jin Guangyao again, that inexplicable image he\u2019d gotten\u2014but it hadn\u2019t been real, it was just. Nie Mingjue didn\u2019t know where it had come from. And maybe he\u2019s just looking for someone to blame it on, and his thoughts about A-Yao have been so weird and precarious and muddled, all for nothing, out of nowhere.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t real. If he had seen Jin Guangyao, while he was with Lan Xichen, Xichen would\u2019ve said something. And he\u2014even if Nie Mingjue had imagined it, it doesn\u2019t mean anything. He knows that qi deviation can alter his state of mind, can give him hallucinations\u2014he isn\u2019t sure if he should feel so clear-headed afterward. But A-Yao is\u2014<\/p>\n

Where is Jin Guangyao? Despite the tension with his father, he should be at his beck and call, looking after him\u2014but even as Nie Mingjue mindlessly calls for the Jin disciple from before to get others with stronger stomachs to clean up, to inform Jin-furen and Zixuan of the situation, Jin Guangyao doesn\u2019t turn up anywhere. Not even when Jin Zixun appears in tow despite having not been summoned, fearful and distraught. A man should be at his father\u2019s side at the event of his death, Nie Mingjue thinks as he watches Jin-furen wail in despair at her husband\u2019s mutilated body, remembering his own father\u2019s qi deviation\u2014and Jin Guangyao is no exception.<\/p>\n

Time passes. But it\u2019s still evening when Nie Mingjue returns to his guest chambers, feeling like at least a month has passed. His body goes through the motions of opening his door, remembering he left Lan Xichen here, opening his mouth\u2014<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen is sitting where he was before. But he is not alone\u2014Jin Guangyao is sitting with him, and in the low candlelight, their mouths move, come together\u2014they\u2019re kissing<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the fuck?\u201d he blurts loudly; he thinks he\u2019s allowed some rudeness, he just dealt with Jin Guangshan\u2019s deformed corpse. \u201cA-Yao, what are you even doing in here?\u201d<\/p>\n

They break apart; Nie Mingjue can\u2019t tear his gaze away from how both of their pink lips are shiny with spit.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao turns his gaze to him. Nie Mingjue remembers what he\u2019d seen, what he\u2019d thought he\u2019d seen, Jin Guangyao\u2019s mouth and chin and teeth drenched with blood, fangs, smiling\u2014<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen interrupts, \u201cA-Yao just told me about the news of his father. And I was comforting him, and we\u2014\u201d His eyes are downcast, sad and\u2014guilty, which Nie Mingjue rarely sees from him except when they were teens and got caught sneaking into the Qinghe Nie training grounds.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue growls, \u201cWhat do you mean, told you the news about his father? I was just there\u2014\u201d He turns to Jin Guangyao. \u201cI didn\u2019t see you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

“But didn’t you?” When Jin Guangyao looks at him, his eyes are shining. He looks radiant, unsettling under the candlelight. “It’s my father, Da-ge, of course I would be there.”<\/p>\n

“Bullshit.” Nie Mingjue’s mind is swimming. Jin Guangyao looks eerily calm, his face\u2014flawless, unstained, not a hint of a teardrop shed on his cheeks. He remembers his own father’s death, how inconsolable he’d been, anger and sorrow over taking his heart at once.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao’s expression turns hurt. Not enough for Nie Mingjue to feel guilt about it. “But I was, Da-ge, I was with Jin-furen. She was shaking in my arms.” A frown creases over his face, concerned. “But it was all so much to take in, Da-ge, so I’m not surprised. You wouldn’t remember me.”<\/p>\n

“No,” Nie Mingjue says, because he would’ve. Wouldn’t he? “I\u2014”<\/p>\n

“A-Yao did tell me how you found his father’s body. How emotionless you were when you called for everyone,” Lan Xichen puts in. “Mingjue, no one blames you.”<\/p>\n

“But\u2014” Nie Mingjue swallows, swallows again. Why does his throat feel full, teeth feel stained? He licks his lips.<\/p>\n

“It’s understandable.” Lan Xichen gets up, puts a hand on his arm. Despite the calamity in Nie Mingjue’s head, Lan Xichen is a breath he remembers to take. And again, and again. “You were so stressed before, and seeing something as terrible as Jin Guangshan’s death\u2014”<\/p>\n

“But,” Nie Mingjue says, voice finally catching up with his brain. With Xichen, his lungs feel a bit clearer. “But it doesn’t matter, A-Yao, you should\u2014you should be back there with your family.”<\/p>\n

“Ah,” Jin Guangyao says. His eyes dart between Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen. “If you believe I should\u2014”<\/p>\n

“No, stay.” Lan Xichen turns back to Nie Mingjue. Hesitantly, he brings a hand up to Nie Mingjue’s cheek. Nie Mingjue closes his eyes and tries to breathe slower.<\/p>\n

“Mingjue, you’re fine,” Lan Xichen says. “You’re just overwhelmed.”<\/p>\n

And Nie Mingjue believes him. Knows it for himself, the hammering still in his chest. But then his mind flashes to what he’d walked in on, mere minutes ago\u2014Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao sitting so close, too<\/em> close, and he wants to see it again, but it’s not\u2014and Jin Guangshan’s disfigured corpse\u2014but the promise of them\u2014<\/p>\n

It is not the saber spirit, or maybe it is. The rolling through his veins, hot and overtaking. “And you, Xichen?” because he needs to find somewhere to direct it, direct this anger. “You and A-Yao, now? My two sworn brothers, with their tongues down each other’s throats?”<\/p>\n

The bluntness strikes them; he sees it when Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen glance at each other, then away, then blush. Lan Xichen regards Nie Mingjue again.<\/p>\n

“It’s not just him,” Lan Xichen confesses quietly. “It’s\u2014I’ve always liked you both, and I felt like we’ve been leading up to this. The three of us. That I have, on my end.”<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue feels light-headed\u2014he has, too, with every stroke of Clarity from their guqin strings. But with the events of the evening, he has no time for Lan Xichen’s words like this. Not now, when the sight, the taste of flesh in his mouth feels too recent, real.<\/p>\n

And Jin Guangyao, beautiful in the golden glow of the room. “I as well,” he says. His eyelashes cast high shadows on his high cheekbones. “What about you, Da-ge? Haven’t you always wanted us?”<\/p>\n

“Of course I have,” Nie Mingjue says without thinking. “But this is hardly the time, with the recent news of your father’s death.”<\/p>\n

“I disagree,” Jin Guangyao says. His gaze is glistening, his chin is trembling. “Da-ge, you don’t know how scared I am right now. Seeing my father like that,” he swallows, “Er-ge was trying to comfort me. Surely you understand; you’ve calmed down quite a bit since he started touching you.”<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue exhales\u2014but Jin Guangyao is right. Despite the horror of the night, he\u2019s with Lan Xichen, both of them, his sworn brothers, and his heart eases. He closes his eyes, opens them again when Jin Guangyao stands up, joins them, closer to them, breathing in their scent.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue can count his eyelashes when Jin Guangyao breathes against his face, “Don’t you want to feel comforted too, Da-ge?”<\/p>\n

A feral sound escapes from Nie Mingjue’s mouth. Before he knows it, he’s tugging in Jin Guangyao, teeth clacking\u2014somehow everything he’s known, and yet nothing he’s ever known all at once. His mouth is soft, has always been, but the way he kisses back now is\u2014fierce, like he can put up as good as a fight against Nie Mingjue. Flames licking into him, inside of him, urging him open, deeper. Like this, Nie Mingjue can almost pretend that that image isn’t there, in his head, flashing, Jin Guangyao with blood on his teeth and predatory smile on his face\u2014<\/p>\n

He pulls Jin Guangyao in harder. He focuses on how he’s missed this, holding Jin Guangyao, kissing him back, hand on Jin Guangyao\u2019s waist, trying to find everything Jin Guangyao\u2019s ever tried to hide from him\u2014<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a small moan away from them. Nie Mingjue breaks apart\u2014Lan Xichen has been watching, enraptured, and flushes when he\u2019s been caught.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do not have to stop on my account,\u201d Lan Xichen says, gaze flickering between the both of them. \u201cI am not\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

The way he shifts; his arousal must be uncomfortable in his lap. Nie Mingjue remembers the length of it, remembers its taste, remembers all the ways he and Lan Xichen used to touch each other, before the world felt so real. \u201cXichen,\u201d he says, grabbing him by the hand, pulling him up, into the heat of his and Jin Guangyao\u2019s bodies.<\/p>\n

Lan Xichen lets out another small noise when Nie Mingjue brings their mouths together, his warmth less questing, hungry\u2014more familiar, like home. Nie Mingjue loves this too, loves the both of them, feels Jin Guangyao run his fingers against the hair pressing on Nie Mingjue’s scalp as Nie Mingjue devours Lan Xichen\u2019s mouth.<\/p>\n

They break apart to breathe, to gasp; Nie Mingjue\u2019s never been harder in his life. With Lan Xichen here, pink and enticing; Jin Guangyao\u2019s eyes sharp and lustful. Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t know what he wants right now, but he wants something<\/em>\u2014to take, to be taken, to have these stupid, stuffy robes off his body\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cMy bed,\u201d he growls, and both Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao light up as they follow. There\u2019s kissing and the tearing of clothing and Lan Xichen\u2019s laughter\u2014\u201cMingjue<\/em>, slow down\u2014\u201d and Jin Guangyao taking one or two or all three of them in hand with his clever fingers, and Nie Mingjue burning, burning, wanting to swallow them both whole, wanting to be swallowed down.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Their scent is sweet, and though he feels so full\u2014not his golden core, and hardly his stomach, but that part of him, that new new part of him\u2014he watches Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue\u2019s shallow breathing, their unconscious bodies, and salivates.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan\u2019s funeral is a long and torturous affair. Since he\u2019s already in Lanling, Nie Mingjue also attends, borrowing white robes from the tallest disciple of Lanling Jin, which are still tight around his shoulders and come down to his forearms. Jin-furen cannot stop sobbing, Jin Zixuan\u2019s face is tear-streaked for days, and Jin Guangyao is quiet in front of his family and disciples.<\/p>\n

He takes comfort with Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen, though\u2014when they are alone, with this new, shiny thing, he manages to smile, to laugh, to make conversation. More often than not it\u2019s the three of them alone, anyway, because Nie Mingjue hates trying to comfort Jin-furen or any of the depressed disciples, and he\u2019s a thoughtful enough lover to not leave Lan Xichen alone with them as well.<\/p>\n

Despite the tragedy, Jin Guangyao insists that they keep working on calming down Nie Mingjue\u2019s saber spirit, continue on with the Song of Clarity. Nie Mingjue thinks he should have the time alone to mourn, but\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what my thoughts are like, Da-ge,\u201d Jin Guangyao says with a smile. \u201cLeft alone too long with them and I might go crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re any different alone with them than otherwise,\u201d Nie Mingjue says dryly. \u201cYou must\u2019ve already gone crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao laughs. Lan Xichen\u2019s face is bright as he watches the both of them.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan\u2019s death puts an immediate halt to the issue of whatever Wei Wuxian is doing in Yiling\u2014the cultivation world just lost their Chief Cultivator, and Lanling Jin just lost their sect leader. Before they can even think to attack the Burial Mounds, they need to re-politicize as the cultivation world\u2014something that Nie Mingjue hates, every time.<\/p>\n

When his father had died, it had been no question that he would have to become Sect Leader, despite being seventeen\u2014duty does not wait for age. And so he watches as everyone grieves and conferences and tries to talk politics around the tragedy. Jin Zixuan is entitled to be the new Sect Leader of Lanling Jin, as is appropriate, and the title of Chief Cultivator goes to\u2014<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao makes an annoyingly compelling argument about why Nie Mingjue<\/em> should be Chief Cultivator. \u201cHe led the Sunshot Campaign,\u201d he says, on the third day of the conference. \u201cHe barreled through Wen Ruohan\u2019s forces, gave us the confidence and strength we would win.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA-Yao,\u201d Nie Mingjue warns under his breath, but Jin Guangyao ignores him.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople already fear him; now, they will understand even more why he\u2019s earned that fear,\u201d Jin Guangyao says to the rest of the sect leaders and cultivation disciples. \u201cHe\u2019s the most accomplished of the Sect Leaders given his age\u2014apologies, Jiang-zongzhu,\u201d he nods at Jiang Wanyin, who waves him off, \u201c\u2014especially as the leader of one of the four major clans. He is the clear<\/em> choice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA-Yao,\u201d Nie Mingjue snaps, then addresses the rest of the conference. \u201cBecoming Chief Cultivator has never been an ambition of mine\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut that will make you more fitting for the role!\u201d Of course, Yao-zongzhu has to open his mouth. \u201cNo hunger for the power will make you more competent with that power.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s true,\u201d agrees another sect leader. \u201cWhile they say ambition will help you get to the top, if you earn power you never desired in the first place, would that not make you more trustworthy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlus he did the most for the war! Winning battles and even rescuing Jin Guangshan when he needed help in Langya!\u201d When this cultivator realizes what he said, and that people have turned to look at him, he hastens to add, \u201cNot to besmirch the memory of the late Chief Cultivator. But it\u2019s true!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf one is an excellent military general, then he will be an even greater Chief Cultivator,\u201d says another, which Nie Mingjue is pretty sure does not correlate at all.<\/p>\n

But others nod and murmur their agreement, and Nie Mingjue departs the conference with one more title under his belt.<\/p>\n

He would be a fool to decline the offer, even as much as politics bore him. And he does think advantageously, that needing to care for the relations between all the sects and towns means that he will travel more\u2014that once he departs Lanling, it won\u2019t be long until he can come again, arrange time and places to meet up with Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao and, if they can manage, both. Of course, there are other things too, like teaching Huaisang how to run Qinghe Nie when Nie Mingjue is gone, and communicating with Wei Wuxian in Yiling, which he is not looking forward to.<\/p>\n

But there are worse things.<\/p>\n

On the last night of his stay in Lanling\u2014though they had never managed a conference about Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen told him that his brother had visited Yiling to tell Wei Wuxian of the recent news, and Wei Wuxian requested an audience with Nie Mingjue alone\u2014he is with Jin Guangyao in his guest chambers, while Lan Xichen is sorting out his own disciples. Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao had gone through a round of Clarity along with some groping and biting; now, Nie Mingjue is convincing himself to pack while Jin Guangyao cleans Baxia.<\/p>\n

\u201cI do not think I said it to you,\u201d Nie Mingjue says after a moment, as he frowns at his pile of under robes. \u201cBut I know what your father\u2019s acceptance into his family meant to you, and I\u2019m sorry that you had to lose him so quickly.\u201d He thinks of their argument that feels like ages ago. \u201cThough I did not agree with everything he said, a man should not have to lose his father so young.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao is quiet, fingers scraping lightly over Baxia. \u201cHe was murdered so cruelly,\u201d he says in a low voice. \u201cIn such a barbaric manner. We have to find out who did it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed,\u201d Nie Mingjue murmurs; he has thought about it as well, but the last few days of too many politics make his head spin. \u201cWhoever it is, they have a sick lack of value for human life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao nods. \u201cLuckily, we have Da-ge as Chief Cultivator,\u201d he says, then casts one of his bright smiles at Nie Mingjue. He looks healthier than ever\u2014Nie Mingjue will never parse what causes his gaunt stressful periods. His father\u2019s death certainly should, yet despite his sorrow, Jin Guangyao has never looked so relaxed.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd Zixuan heading Lanling Jin,\u201d Jin Guangyao says thoughtfully. \u201cMy brother, and my lover\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue snorts. \u201cWhat a sentimental thing to call me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s true, is it not?\u201d Jin Guangyao says.<\/p>\n

His hand slips on the cloth he\u2019d been using to clean Baxia\u2014right on the blade, against his skin.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue notices, starting. \u201cA-Yao,\u201d he says, grabbing for his saber. \u201cLet me clean Baxia, get yourself cleaned up\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHm?\u201d Jin Guangyao looks down at his hand, moving it along the cloth.<\/p>\n

Where the blade had slid right along his skin is clean, unbroken.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue blinks. He thought he saw a red line, where Baxia would slice right along his palm, a sliver of blood slipping out. \u201cAre you okay?\u201d he asks Jin Guangyao, who\u2019s watching him strangely.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I am, Da-ge,\u201d he says. \u201cAre you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t know. He thought he saw\u2014but maybe it was a trick of the light, a weird shift of his handkerchief. Jin Guangyao is bloodless, woundless. There\u2019s not a single scar on his skin.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he says, mostly to himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The aftermath of Jin Guangshan\u2019s death is shockingly good. Jin Zixuan\u2019s wedding gets put off to allow for at least a month of mourning; but once that period is over, when Nie Mingjue is back in Lanling for something political again (Jin Guangyao, of course, visits his guest chambers every night), he and Jin Zixuan are walking the grounds, discussing it.<\/p>\n

Jin Zixuan says, \u201cI was thinking of inviting Wei Wuxian.\u201d<\/p>\n

He glances at Nie Mingjue, waiting for his reaction. Nie Mingjue considers. He had visited Yiling, earlier, the Wen Remnants, Wei Wuxian\u2014the Yiling Laozu, they\u2019re calling him. If it were earlier, if he did not have the responsibility to think before acting, he would\u2019ve led an attack on the Burial Mounds with no problem. As it is, he\u2019d responded to Wei Wuxian\u2019s request for an audience with him in kind, and saw that the Wens Wei Wuxian was housing were ones he did not recognize, elders and children and the sickly. The only cause of alarm would be Wen Ning, who, despite being a fierce corpse, had shied away every time Nie Mingjue even thought about glancing in his direction and kept referring to him as gongzi<\/em> in an almost apologetic way.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangshan would not stand for such a thing. But Nie Mingjue is not Jin Guangshan\u2014and, when he allows himself to think it, he is better than Jin Guangshan. \u201cWhat does your family think?\u201d he asks idly.<\/p>\n

Jin Zixuan scoffs. \u201cMy mother reckons it\u2019s a horrible idea, and Zixun keeps calling him evil,\u201d he says. Then his voice softens. \u201cBut\u2026 I think A-Li would like it. She never says it, but I know she misses her shidi.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen I\u2019m not one to tell you who to invite or not invite to your wedding,\u201d Nie Mingjue says. He thinks on the safe side\u2014something that feels so new, so foreign to him still\u2014and adds, \u201cBut make sure Hanguang-jun is attending as well, to keep him in line.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Zixuan smiles. \u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, a month or so after the previous Chief Cultivator\u2019s death, there is a wedding, Wei Wuxian beaming from Jiang Wanyin\u2019s side. And afterwards, about another month later, a son\u2014the next sect heir, all 50cm of him.<\/p>\n

And Nie Mingjue keeps the peace between all the sects, between the cultivation world and Wei Wuxian, between Lan Xichen, himself, and Jin Guangyao. It feels almost too easy: the way he begins to fall into place as Chief Cultivator; a new sect leader of Lanling Jin; stops in Gusu; or Jin Guangyao\u2019s fingers on his guqin, on Nie Mingjue\u2019s arousal; or Lan Xichen\u2019s smile, pressed against his own.<\/p>\n

But despite this\u2014despite how, as time goes on, the three of them spend an equal amount with the Song of Clarity ringing in bedchambers as they do in a bed\u2014Nie Mingjue feels himself teetering. It’s fear, more than anything, and sometimes doesn’t feel like his own\u2014he is not afraid of death, but how it will happen, why it will happen. Being Chief Cultivator brings his life to a standstill, where it’s almost easy to forget the saber spirit in between meetings and paperwork; and still, a stir in his chest, the desire for another nighthunt.<\/p>\n

Baxia wants to kill again. He feels it, but it becomes less of a part of him, more of a knowledge, along with everything else tumbling in his brain. It is easier to be steady without his hand on her hilt all the time, but then the dread creeps around his stomach, the precariousness, the doubt. And the qi deviation is waiting for him, whenever it might happen, even if he can more easily pull away from the saber spirit these days.<\/p>\n

And he is not entirely sure if he is, because there’s still the matter of the hallucinations. He does not mention it, because then everyone will be running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to arrange for another untimely death, and\u2014if Nie Mingjue can keep control, take his life day by day, that\u2019s enough for now. Much less does he wish to worry Lan Xichen, who rubs his shoulders at night, laces their fingers together when Nie Mingjue is buried deep inside of him; or Jin Guangyao, who\u2014<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t know why he keeps seeing it. Wishes, of all things, that his brain would conjure any other image\u2014not one of Jin Guangyao, one of his lovers, smiling through a mouthful of blood, flesh hanging off his teeth. The hallucination never says anything, never appears for more than mere seconds, in corners of rooms when he\u2019s alone, at the back of conference halls, hovering like a specter when he has the real Jin Guangyao nestled into the heat of his body.<\/p>\n

No, he cannot tell Jin Guangyao, of all people. Jin Guangyao, whose complexion continues to alter between perfect and worn\u2014the stress of needing to advise his brother instead of his father, surely. Who brings Huaisang presents every time he visits, who plays the Song of Clarity so precisely that sometimes Nie Mingjue can tell himself it\u2019s working, who touches Nie Mingjue so tenderly, on top of him or inside of him or both, giving as good as he can get. He’s as impassioned as the both of them, when Nie Mingjue works himself onto either of them in a sweat, when Lan Xichen whines and arches his back enticingly. Jin Guangyao has always been a dedicated lover, but now with the both of them, easily finding his way between their two large bodies, pressing kisses to Nie Mingjue’s head, biting Lan Xichen so hard he cries out.<\/p>\n

Neither of them are the type to complain, especially when it’s just the two of them, he and Xichen, fucking against each other tenderly, saliva upon sweat. Nie Mingjue sees where Jin Guangyao has kissed a bruise on the back of his shoulderblade and remembers\u2014remembers another bite mark from an era that feels a lifetime ago, when Jin Guangyao was still Meng Yao, blood oozing through. And he smiles, kisses at the bruise Jin Guangyao had given Lan Xichen and drives in deeper, at the thought of both of them.<\/p>\n

So no, he cannot tell Jin Guangyao; perhaps not even Lan Xichen. Especially when there are days he goes without a hallucination, without a headache, without his qi deviation looming over his head, and he can convince himself they\u2019re not there. That his doubts, that trickling cold feeling in the back of his mind, have no reason to be there in the first place.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sometimes the smell is so sweet he can taste it on his tongue, bite a piece off. Da-ge, Er-ge<\/em>, and he imagines, imagines the flavor. Perhaps the smallest amount of blood, of arteries, making its home along with the pieces of the nameless flesh inside of him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The heat in his bed is not new\u2014they are not the type to talk about it, although sometimes Lan Wangji’s gaze will flicker to the empty spot when Nie Mingjue visits Gusu alone; or Jin Zixuan will mention that Jin Guangyao will be able to stop by the guest chambers at night when he’s visiting in Lanling; or Nie Huaisang will ask teasingly if Nie Mingjue misses his other brothers, his sworn brothers. But otherwise it is not something Nie Mingjue wishes to boast about. Being a cut-sleeve has its own unfortunate connotations, and while Nie Mingjue has no shame in who he is, there is no need for the rest of the cultivation world to be concerned about the Chief Cultivator’s personal affairs.<\/p>\n

But the three of them is new, because it is different, to kiss Lan Xichen and feel Jin Guangyao press inside him. To touch Jin Guangyao, with Lan Xichen’s breath in his ear. To watch the two of them, feel the burning desire in his gut, not always to join, but simply to drink in the pleasure, the view, their beautiful bodies entangled together.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao’s face is bright and healthy tonight, when they are in Gusu. He kisses Nie Mingjue’s arousal, loving; later, tasting, devouring the inside of Lan Xichen’s mouth as Xichen moans. Nie Mingjue’s fist is rough as he strokes himself, comes. He kisses the both of them, feeling where Jin Guangyao had bitten Lan Xichen on the lip. Lan Xichen laughs as Nie Mingjue soothes the cut with his tongue.<\/p>\n

“You both,” Lan Xichen says, beaming up. “What would my nights be like if either of you were less rough?”<\/p>\n

“Less interesting, that’s for sure,” Nie Mingjue says.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao laughs. “Do you want us to be tender, Er-ge?” he asks, brushing the hair from Lan Xichen’s face. His fingers trail down, to where the strand ends near his bare chest. “I certainly can, although I don’t know if Da-ge can.”<\/p>\n

“A-Yao lies,” Nie Mingjue teases, and shifts his weight against Jin Guangyao’s. Jin Guangyao laughs again as he goes down underneath him, so that he and Lan Xichen are lying side by side in bed, Nie Mingjue crowding over them.<\/p>\n

“I never did ask,” Lan Xichen says, cupping the bruises on Nie Mingjue’s hips. From Jin Guangyao, only a night or two ago. “But you two\u2014”<\/p>\n

“A long time ago,” Nie Mingjue admits. “Back when A-Yao was technically a Nie cultivator.” He thinks of the time, when it felt easier\u2014but that was because he was only a sect leader, not Chief Cultivator. Because he only had to concern himself with his clan, not everyone else. “And Xichen, it’s not like our past isn’t filled with experimentation either.”<\/p>\n

“Experimentation,” Jin Guangyao says with amusement. “Is that why, Er-ge, when the Cloud Recesses burned down\u2014”<\/p>\n

“What now?” Nie Mingjue asks, as Lan Xichen blushes.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao smirks. “‘I have done this before<\/em>,'” he says, mimicking Lan Xichen’s speech patterns. “And what a thoughtful lover he was.”<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue snorts. “It’s a good thing you have both of us here now,” he says, running a palm up Lan Xichen’s cheek. “We can teach you how to be rough.”<\/p>\n

“Indeed you can,” Lan Xichen says, dragging Nie Mingjue down for a kiss.<\/p>\n

And it’s later in the night, when Nie Mingjue is already asleep, not quite stirring. But there\u2019s a shift beside him, a rustling, a lack of weight on the bed. Lan Xichen’s taste, back in his mouth. And his stomach aches with something empty, something hungry, like taking a bite of a meal before having it snatched away from you. Something that makes you crave more.<\/p>\n

Then it slips away, and he is fast asleep.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Moons pass, if not years. Wei Wuxian is not welcomed back into Yunmeng Jiang, but only because he stubbornly stays in Yiling; Lan Xichen begins joking that he\u2019s become a sect leader in his own right. Jin Guangyao, however, is as wary of the prospect as Nie Mingjue is, as they don\u2019t need the stress of a potential threat or uprising on their hands. A sect formed out of novelty or cultivation philosophy is largely harmless; a sect formed out of rebellion is trouble.<\/p>\n

But time passes without incident, to the point where Nie Mingjue is beginning to think of talking with Huaisang, that though his core has not gotten worse, it has not gotten any better\u2014qi deviation lurks behind each faint tenseness between his eyebrows, waiting to strike, to take his body for itself. His heart feels like a wine stopper\u2014words he used to say freely, in the world where he could, crashing against his edges, piling up within him.<\/p>\n

He does not tell Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao that the Song of Clarity is losing its effects. Lan Xichen brings his guqin to Lanling, or Jin Guangyao brings his to Gusu; or they both bring their own when they visit Nie Mingjue in Qinghe. And Nie Mingjue adores it, anyway, one or both of them playing for him, as he goes over letters or kisses the bite marks on Xichen’s neck or simply sits there and watches. He is not one for music, much less arts, but it\u2019s been often enough that he can tell while Lan Xichen\u2019s playing is unhesitant with flourish, Jin Guangyao\u2019s is precise, each string plucked as if reciting one of the poems Huaisang loves so much from memory.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue smiles at the end of one of their duets, this time in Lanling. \u201cWonderful, as always,\u201d he says, to which Lan Xichen smiles prettily and Jin Guangyao rearranges his hat.<\/p>\n

\u201cDa-ge, we could play you an entirely different song and you wouldn\u2019t even notice,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue splutters as Lan Xichen fully laughs. \u201cNot if you told me it was supposed to be the Song of Clarity,\u201d he says. \u201cI think I\u2019ve heard it enough to recognize that<\/em> one, at least.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but we could change one or two notes and you wouldn\u2019t even notice,\u201d Jin Guangyao teases.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would you do that?\u201d Nie Mingjue demands.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo test you, of course,\u201d Lan Xichen says, eyes twinkling in first his direction, then at Jin Guangyao\u2019s. \u201cWe don\u2019t expect you to pay attention, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I pay attention,\u201d Nie Mingjue grumbles under his breath. \u201cI do when it\u2019s you two.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao\u2019s eyes shine with adoration. It\u2019s one of his stress-free days, where he looks perfect, like not a thing in the world could touch a hair on his head. \u201cDa-ge,\u201d he says, breathless, and kisses him, and there\u2019s not much conversation for a while.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue returns to his guest chambers later that night\u2014Lan Xichen never admits it, but he always drags most of the blankets in his sleep, and while Nie Mingjue can handle the cold winters in Qinghe, not to mention the heated rooms of Jinlin Tai, he usually likes the feeling of some sort of weight on his body, however small it is. It\u2019s why he prefers when Jin Guangyao stays with them, because he curls into Nie Mingjue\u2019s touches, can lay on Nie Mingjue\u2019s chest for hours; but tonight he\u2019d kissed both of them and said that he had something to take care of before the end of the night and slipped away.<\/p>\n

His guest chambers\u2014which are the same every time, and he\u2019s starting to doubt that anyone else ever stays here when they visit, even when Nie Mingjue is away\u2014are warm and well-lit. And yet as he lies alone, Nie Mingjue thinks of Lan Xichen passed out from his horrid sleep schedule in his own guest chambers, Jin Guangyao off handling whatever it is before he likely returns to his own private chambers, in far too much consideration for either of his lovers.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue doesn\u2019t have that type of consideration, especially since he never hesitates to mock Lan Xichen when he insists on following the Cloud Recesses rules outside of Gusu, even though tonight he has more of an excuse of an early frisky evening more than anything. A night without a weight over Nie Mingjue\u2014or at least blankets, if he can urge Lan Xichen into cuddling\u2014is not much of a sacrifice; and as he thinks about it, his lips tingle, with the taste of Xichen and something warm, sweet. It\u2019s too tantalizing, so he climbs out of bed, slips on a layer of informal outer robes, and pads to Lan Xichen\u2019s guest chambers.<\/p>\n

Jinlin Tai is a maze of hallways and Nie Mingjue is not the best with directions, so it\u2019s a few wrong turns before he recognizes where he\u2019s going and finds Xichen\u2019s rooms again. \u201cWake up,\u201d he grumbles, as he knocks, then getting his fingers around the door handle. \u201cAt least keep me company until I fall asleep\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

He stops dead in his tracks.<\/p>\n

The room is dark; moonlight shines through the open window, stars glittering in the clear autumn sky. Lying on the bed is Lan Xichen, eyes open. His robes are torn off, in shreds around his body, his feet. Over him\u2014<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao turns. Half-naked, robes hanging off his shoulders, skin glowing; a faint scar, perhaps, in the shape of Nie Mingjue’s mouth. Blood is dripping from his chin, real blood, Xichen\u2019s<\/em> blood, not just an image conjured in Nie Mingjue\u2019s mind. Chunks of Lan Xichen\u2019s body are missing, notably around his chest, stomach, heart\u2014in huge clods, spilling out from his body, torn skin. Lan Xichen’s mouth is open in what might be surprise, or fear, and Nie Mingjue tastes a sweetness at his lips.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao\u2019s mouth is almost entirely canine teeth, fangs, massive,<\/em> irises small and thin and barely human. He hisses at the sight of Nie Mingjue, whines, and\u2014<\/p>\n

There\u2019s fear, there\u2019s devastation, but more than anything else there\u2019s anger<\/em>, surging through Nie Mingjue\u2019s body like an old friend, red behind his eyes, blood running hot as his hands wrap around a poker at the fireplace. \u201cA-Yao,\u201d he says, voice booming even to his own ears. \u201cJin Guangyao, Meng Yao<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao recoils, pupils dilating back\u2014yet the fire doesn’t die around his eyes, bloodstains around his lips. “Da-ge,” he says, voice turning gentle, pitiful. “I\u2014this is not\u2014”<\/p>\n

“What is it not?” Nie Mingjue barely hears his own thoughts, the cool air on his skin, carpet beneath his feet. His body, his head is filled with rage and darkness and Jin Guangyao<\/em>. “Is it not Xichen’s blood on your hands, in your mouth? What\u2014why would you\u2014”<\/p>\n

“Believe me, I didn’t want to do it either.” Jin Guangyao’s eyes are big, so big. Tears welling, shining beneath moonlight. “But, Er-ge, he smells so good, you wouldn’t even believe\u2014”<\/p>\n

“What kind of creature are you?” Nie Mingjue bellows, and rages toward Jin Guangyao, thrusting the fireplace poker at him. “What kind of man are you, to talk about such things?”<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao dodges his attacks with inhuman-like grace, maneuvering off the bed. Noise rings in Nie Mingjue’s ears\u2014thoughts and doubts and suspicions coming to surface, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it<\/em>\u2014except he didn’t, because if he did, wouldn’t he have done something about it?<\/p>\n

“It’s more than you could ever understand,” Jin Guangyao says, and the anger fills every part of Nie Mingjue’s body. Anger at himself, at Jin Guangyao, at Lan Xichen, lifeless on the bed\u2014he tries to grasp for Jin Guangyao, hack at him, needing this, needing<\/em> this not to be real\u2014<\/p>\n

“What’s to understand?” Nie Mingjue’s voice clamors in every inch of the room. “Have you been lying all along? Biding your time, waiting? Who else have you killed like this?” Jin Guangyao moves like lightning, the tears still in his eyes but not on his cheeks, the blood on his chin. “Your father? Wen Ruohan?”<\/p>\n

He remembers the visions, the things that weren’t real, but\u2014maybe they were, with the red on Jin Guangyao’s lips matching the phantom feeling Nie Mingjue feels on his own lips. The murder, the heartlessness, eating Lan Xichen<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n

“Da-ge, listen to me,” Jin Guangyao tries. “You’ve never\u2014You don’t understand what it’s like to be powerless. To be small and scared and fear for yourself in the world, and then when you have that power, what do you do? What did you expect<\/em> me to do?”<\/p>\n

“Anything!<\/em>” Nie Mingjue roars, slashing, searching, trying. Lan Xichen’s body is never out of sight, a sick reminder whenever Nie Mingjue’s gaze catches, and he wants Jin Guangyao, to cut him to pieces, to make him scream in pain and beg for mercy. “What kind of power would you want for this? Was he worth nothing to you? Were we worth nothing to you?”<\/p>\n

“Of course not,” Jin Guangyao cries. Two tear tracks now, dripping down to his chin, smearing the blood around his mouth. “You and Er-ge, you’re the world to me.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t feed me your lies!” Nie Mingjue wants to scream, wants to trample, destroy<\/em>, the poker jabbing, seeking, but it’s not enough\u2014and then he doesn’t know how, but now Baxia’s in his hands, perhaps heard his pain, his bloodlust, eager to tear through another body.\u00a0 It\u2019ll never be the same as Jin Guangyao, where Lan Xichen\u2019s dead blood is drying around his mouth, movements cutting close with the promise of Baxia\u2019s singing, massive blade\u2014<\/p>\n

It catches on Jin Guangyao, tears through his robe, right across the shoulder. And yet Nie Mingjue watches in horror as though the robe remains open, the skin stitches up\u2014back together, heals, like Baxia hadn\u2019t sliced through him at all.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you?\u201d he whispers, devastated.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao’s eyes are dark. Dry. “If you knew what hunger felt like, you’d understand,” he says, and there’s regret in his voice. It’s pathetic, he’s pathetic; the distance between them feels like an entire world. This man\u2014no, this monster<\/em> could never be his equal.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao says, “I’m sorry I have to do this.”<\/p>\n

And he throws himself at Nie Mingjue, a horrible snarl scratching out of his mouth. Nie Mingjue tries to fight him off, with his body, with his saber\u2014Jin Guangyao thrashes at him, teeth back out in their monstrous state, clings to Nie Mingjue, his shoulders\u2014<\/p>\n

Pain surges through him, his collarbone, the side of his neck where Jin Guangyao\u2019s teeth had sunk in. He screams in agony, feeling the qi, Baxia, everything<\/em> broiling through his blood now. “I’m sorry,” he hears, “I didn’t have a choice,” but Nie Mingjue doesn’t care, the pain turning to fury, turning to the last grip he has on life, on Baxia. He hacks blindly, even though it feels useless, even though he’d see Jin Guangyao’s body sew itself back together\u2014but now every part of him, the saber spirit, his heart needs blood, raging to the tips of his fingers, grip on the saber mindless, hopeless, empty<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao cries out.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not a normal cry\u2014like a dying animal, like the remains of a demon, unaware of its own vulnerability. Nie Mingjue struggles with his mind, with the red behind his eyes, to see Baxia lodged in the middle of Jin Guangyao\u2019s chest. Sliced up, blood seeping through his robes, from lower dantian to heart.<\/p>\n

Jin Guangyao looks at Nie Mingjue with big, wide eyes. His pupils are normal.<\/p>\n

\u201cFuck you, Nie Mingjue,\u201d he rasps out, and collapses.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue breathes. But the raging is still inside his heart, his mind, his core\u2014the blood behind his eyes, and he feels the bloodlust, Baxia, needing to seek more enemies, more prey\u2014<\/p>\n

And then it stops.<\/p>\n

When he opens his eyes again, he\u2019s in the same position as he was before. Jin Guangyao is still hanging off his saber, unmoving\u2014not breathing, dead, by all accounts. And when he looks to the bed again\u2014Lan Xichen there, mutilated, bloodied, hardly a memory of a human. Nie Mingjue would feel sick, except right now he feels nothing\u2014a blank buzz in his head, blinking away the red behind his eyes.<\/p>\n

His shoulder, the deep wounds from the fangs, aches.<\/p>\n

He slides Baxia out, away. She comes back dripping with thick blood. Jin Guangyao\u2019s body falls on top of him, no longer held up by the saber. Nie Mingjue does not have the energy to move his head from his shoulder.<\/p>\n

He feels something new in Baxia. He tightens his grip, and that bloodlust\u2014it shies away, almost frightened.<\/p>\n

A Jin disciple enters the room, sees the three of them, and screams.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sometimes, there is hunger\u2014but more often are the memories of two bodies curling around his own, the glimpses of eyes that held bright life inside, the nights in Qinghe with a hand stroking his head, cradling his hair, like he was once something precious.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cA-Yao,\u201d Nie Mingjue says, taking his saber from Jin Guangyao’s hands. \u201cLet me clean Baxia, get yourself cleaned up\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHm?\u201d Jin Guangyao looks down, moving his hand along the cloth.<\/p>\n

Where the blade had slid right along his skin is clean, unbroken.<\/p>\n

Nie Mingjue blinks. He thought he saw a red line, where Baxia would slice right along his palm, a sliver of blood slipping out. And yet he is scarless, woundless.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you okay?\u201d Nie Mingjue asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I am, Da-ge,\u201d Jin Guangyao says. \u201cAre you?\u201d<\/p>\n

–<\/p>\n

Or, a Jennifer’s Body<\/i> AU<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[193,51,192,197,195,196,168,194,191,198,226],"fandom":[464],"rating":[676],"ship":[576],"relationship":[611],"minorfandomships":[],"class_list":["post-96","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-default","tag-cannibalism","tag-canon-divergent","tag-demonic-possession","tag-gaslighting","tag-gore","tag-horror","tag-major-character-death","tag-minor-character-death","tag-movie-fusion","tag-side-wangxian","tag-yuletide-2020","fandom-mdzs","rating-mature","ship-3zun","relationship-poly"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=96"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=96"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=96"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=96"},{"taxonomy":"fandom","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/fandom?post=96"},{"taxonomy":"rating","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/rating?post=96"},{"taxonomy":"ship","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ship?post=96"},{"taxonomy":"relationship","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/relationship?post=96"},{"taxonomy":"minorfandomships","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aroceu.com\/fic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/minorfandomships?post=96"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}