how kageyama stole christmas

kageyama tobio, most will tell you, was the grumpiest, meanest creature in all of japan. he thought of himself as a king, most will tell you, and appropriately lived at the coldest top of the highest mountain in all of the land–all by himself, save for the volleyball he refused to part with.

“most” wasn’t just kunimi and kindaichi, although they were definitely the ones you should rely on, since they’d known him once—

(“i did too!” interrupts oikawa.

sugawara says, “excuse me, but you’re not the one holding the talking ball.”)

—ahem.

kindaichi and kunimi were the ones who know kageyama best, because they’d been whos together once, had grown up together on the other side of the mountain. when they reached their teenage years they all split off, but, as no place had anywhere proper for kageyama to go, he left home only to live on the mountain with his volleyball. kindaichi and kunimi found a place without their old “king” in the land of aoba jousai.

now came the year round holiday of christmas—or, as some whos liked to call it, the karasuno holiday. yes, the karasuno whos were the most enthusiastic about christmas, and always held the biggest parties and invited everyone. they’re led by the kind but bigheaded sawamura daichi—

(“hey!”)

—and the reasonably soft-spoken sugawara koushi.

(“‘reasonably,'” daichi scoffs.

“‘soft-spoken,'” asahi mutters sarcastically.)

this year they had a few additions to the team: the bright and endlessly cheerful hinata shouyou, the resigned but gentle yamaguchi tadashi, and the why the hell is he actually here if he’s not that excited about christmas? tsukishima kei.

(tsukishima’s glare is burning. sugawara says, “no, really, if you’re not going to take something seriously, then why bother participating?”

“his brother,” yamaguchi starts, but hinata shouts, “get on with the story!”)

but they made the holiday even more exciting, as hinata spent most of december decorating the karasuno centerpiece with lights and streamers and ornaments. yamaguchi was always willing to help out where he can, and even tsukishima, conveniently tall, will assist so as long as you asked.

now kageyama noticed the excitement going on below the mountain, and scowled to himself. “if i’m all alone and grumpy on this mountain,” he muttered, “no one else is allowed to be happy!”

(hinata is positively cackling. he shoves kageyama. “that’s so like you!”)

he said this all to his volleyball, but, as it was a volleyball, it could not respond. kageyama ticked off the dates on his calendar as christmas drew closer and closer. by the day, his scowl deepened; his mutters turned into full-blown complaints; and the smell of christmas food forced kageyama to stuff his nostrils with tissue paper for the days that followed.

finally, on christmas eve, kageyama had had enough. “i’ve had enough!” he declared, and slammed his door open. “christmas isn’t coming to japan anymore! the karasuno whos will pay for their happiness and festivities!”

he had devised a plan to steal all of the christmas presents in the land, all of the food, and destroy the decorations that the karasuno whos had worked so hard to put up. he sewed together a santa outfit, and decided it was the cleverest plan he’d ever come up with—dress up like the one who everyone says gives their gifts, and instead stealing them away.

(“kageyama, you can sew!” hinata hits kageyama’s shoulder. his cheeks are pink from laughing.

“n-not really.”

“sewing is such a sissy hobby!”

sugawara clears his throat. “i sew,” he says, before continuing.)

as he didn’t have any reindeer or dogs, he had to walk down the mountain by himself, clutching his bag in one hand and his volleyball in the other. in case he got caught, he could throw it at the perpetrator before running away. it occurred to him belatedly that he didn’t have a back up plan if someone caught him after that.

the whos from karasuno had made the whole land bright and red and blue and silver. it made kageyama sick.

“this makes me sick,” he grumbled.

he didn’t bother taking down the lights, merely broke as many as he could as he made his way closer toward the centerpiece. he tore down as many streamers with his long arms, and smashed any ornaments without much effort.

finally, he found himself at the foot of a very tall tree. there were presents everywhere—”and none for me,” he muttered, even though he wasn’t even officially a part of the town. he started grabbing them, one at a time. by the end of the night, he promised himself, it would be completely empty.

as he was making his way around, he heard a door suddenly open. kageyama froze in place, and, with certain skill and accuracy, threw his volleyball where he heard the noise coming from.

a smack came in response. he turned around to see hinata, with fiery orange bedhead and drowsy eyes smiling at him.

“nice toss,” said hinata. “i didn’t know you owned a volleyball, santa. what are you doing?”

“i, uh,” said kageyama. he shoved his bag of stolen presents behind his back. “some of these presents are broken!”

hinata’s eyes widened. “really?”

“yes!” it would sound convincing if kageyama went with it. “i’m just going to take them back to fix them, and then bring them back. you don’t need to worry your pretty little head.”

hinata blushed. “i have a pretty head?”

(“sugawara-san,” hinata moans.

tsukishima and yamaguchi crow with laughter in their hands.)

kageyama was flustered. “of course,” he said, before, “here, i’ll make you some hot tea!”

he fixed up some tea and shoved the kettle and a mug in hinata’s hands. hinata said, “thank you so much santa! i’m sure if you took off your hat, i’d think you had a pretty head, too.”

(“SUGAWARA-SAN,” says kageyama.

the others are laughing too. sugawara grins.

“i can’t tell a story about you two without leaving out this vital part of your relationship,” he says.

kageyama and hinata glance at each other, faces beet red. hinata quickly slips off kageyama’s lap.

they still hold hands, though.)

so hinata went back off to bed and kageyama wiped his forehead of sweat—that was a close call! he continued gathering up all the presents and food until he was done. and then, with an impressive amount of strength and energy, he lugged them all back up to the mountain.

satisfied, he wiped his hands together and perched at the edge. the abyss in the middle of the mountain was perfect for dumping all of the karasuno festivities into. and oh, how the sound of the whos crying and wailing will be music to his ears! kageyama didn’t even smile to himself. he was too evil to smile.

as the sun rose, the whos began to wake up. kageyama watched with anticipation as the destruction of their christmas morning dawned on them.

“what happened to all of our presents?” asahi asked.

“and our food!” exclaimed tanaka.

“oh, no, what will we do?” asked nishinoya.

but daichi wasn’t worried, and neither was sugawara. even ennoshita smiled, before saying, “it’s alright, everyone.”

“it is?” everyone echoed.

sugawara said, “i know we don’t have our food, or our presents, and all of our decorations are ruined. but you know what we do have? we have each other. and in the end, isn’t that what christmas is really about?”

and he smiled at asahi, and asahi smiled at daichi, and daichi smiled at tanaka, and tanaka smiled at nishinoya. even tsukishima, behind his passive glasses, smiled at hinata, who grinned back.

so they all held hands and sang, and their cheer spread and spread. and in aoba jousai, there was christmas; in dateko, there was christmas; in nekoma, there was christmas, without any of the presents.

and on that mountaintop, kageyama heard this singing. in his tattered santa outfit and cold bare feet, he frowned.

“what is this?” he asked, frowning and frowning. “could it be that there’s still christmas? even without their food and their presents, the whos still can celebrate?”

but then his frown got smaller and his heart grew bigger. because the singing kept going until it made him want to sing along too. and maybe, he realized, christmas wasn’t about these presents, or the lights he had ruined, or the pork buns he had stolen. and maybe he could find a place not to be grumpy, not to be mean, and not to be the king anyone would resent him for.

so, with new hope in his heart and light in his face, he brought down the presents and food he’d stolen the night before. he gave all the gifts like the real santa would. when he brought hinata his, hinata said, “it’s you!”

“it is me,” said kageyama, and took off his santa hat.

hinata smiled. “i was right.”

(hinata and kageyama are groaning.)

and hinata helped kageyama hand out the rest of the presents, and divide up the main course. and kageyama asked shyly, “could i stay here with you?” and everyone from karasuno said, “of course!”

with the exception of tsukishima, who never shows excitement for anything.

(tsukshima shoves his glasses up his nose, lips tight.)

so the karasuno christmas went smoothly and splendidly, despite all the ruckus kageyama had created the night before. the karasuno whos were one who more, and kageyama didn’t need a present other than this, and he and hinata played with his volleyball for all the seasons to come afterwards.

and they all lived happily ever after.

(everyone applauds, even kageyama and hinata. “bravo, bravo,” says oikawa, going up to shake sugawara’s hand, “although i would’ve been okay if you made tobio-chan not live happily ever after—”

“thank you, oikawa-san,” kageyama grumbles from the side.

oikawa winks at him. “have a good holiday season, tobio-chan.”

the rest of seijou say goodbye, too. end of the year collaborated training camps would only lead to silly stories around the fire. kindaichi and kunimi bid kageyama goodbye, as well.

kageyama hesitates.

“…see you next year?”

kunimi, surprisingly, smiles. kindaichi’s face passes through several separate expressions until he declares, “definitely! we’ll kick your asses!”

“we’ll see about that!” hinata hollers as they disperse.

“sugawara-san’s story,” kageyama says, when they’re mostly alone, “was… interesting.”

“to say the least,” hinata says, but he grins. “you do have a pretty head, though.”

“shut up.”

hinata does, with a kiss.)