Rating:

Teen

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Fairly Odd Parents

Relationship:

Poof/Foop

Tags:

coffee shop, future fic, selfcest

Stats:

Posted on:

2012-12-28

Words:

1,890

“I’ll have a large espresso and pumpernickel bread,” said Foop, and then when he looked up, cried, “Poof?”

Poof smiled. It’d been a while since they’d seen each other: Spellementary School only lasted for about half a century, and then they’d gone to different schools for middle and high school, since Anti-Fairy World had finally gotten an educational system (even though educational systems were more evil than anything any anti-fairy could do, ever.) At least a few centuries had passed, and Poof had grown: his hair was a dark purplish magenta, and his eyes were as big and as “good” as ever. It was nearly disgusting.

“Hi, Foop,” said Poof. “This is the first time I’ve seen you here.”

“Yeah, well it’s the last time you’ll see me, too.” The sight of Poof disgusted him. With all his boyish goodness, and just his goodness–ugh, Foop couldn’t bear the thought of it.

“Okay,” said Poof, cheerful as always. “Your espresso and pumpernickel bread will be here shortly!”

He left back to behind the counter, and Foop grumbled before opening his newspaper and resting his pointed and leather boots on the table. He was rather self-conscious about how he looked, but he liked the way he’d grown up. He looked damn fine, he knew.

Poof, on the other hand, looked clumsy and awkward, especially when he came bearing Foop’s order. Foop sighed and said, “Do I have the misfortune of having you as my personal waiter today, or do you just like bothering me?”

“Both are pretty true,” said Poof brightly, setting Foop’s order down at the table.

Foop rolled his eyes and put his newspaper down. “So, what, do you work as the cliche goody-two-shoes coffeehouse barista whom everyone comes here for just because he’s so goddamn charming?” It was impossible to keep the malice out of his voice–not that Foop was trying.

“Most of that’s right,” said Poof, nodding. “But I’m not a barista. I’m just a waiter. And not everyone comes here for me.”

“Oh really?” said Foop dryly.

“Well you certainly don’t,” said Poof.

He was grinning. The nerve of him. “Well I don’t anymore,” said Foop, rolling up his newspaper and tucking it under his armpit, before grabbing his espresso and his plate of pumpernickel bread. “I mean, not that I ever did. But you certainly won’t be seeing me again!”

He left with the coffeehouse’s plate and sipped his espresso, took a bite out of his pumpernickel bread.

It was horrible how good they tasted.

*

“I thought you weren’t coming back here again,” Poof teased the next day.

Poof looked ridiculous in his maroon vest and white button-up and black pants. Ridiculous. Foop adjusted himself comfortably and said, “It’s the closest place to my work. Espresso and pumpernickel bread, please.”

“You work?” said Poof, looking surprised as he jotted down Foop’s order. “In Fairy World? Where?”

“The Anti-Relations. The government has me under surveillance all the time so I can’t do anything destructive or evil,” Foop rolled his eyes, “but I need to work and make money.”

“What about Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda?” asked Poof.

“Pah. Them,” said Foop. “I only see them when I run into them on the street in Anti-Fairy World. And even there, I try not to associate with them.”

Poof frowned. “But they’re your parents, Foop–”

“Anti-parents, and it’s not like I give a damn.” He put his feet on the table. “Now go get me my order, boy. Shoo.”

Poof turned to leave but glanced back at Foop, for a moment. A second later, the table moved out from under his feet and Foop fell forward, hitting his head on the table. Everyone laughed and, when Foop looked at Poof again, Poof was stifling a laugh behind his hand.

When Poof came with Foop’s order, Foop remarked, “That was rather out of character for you, my dear Poof.”

“Was it?” Poof was still grinning. “Technically it’s a rule that you’re not supposed to put your feet on a table.”

“Are there rules in this shop, now?”

“No, but it’s common courtesy,” said Poof. “Something that you should know. Which you probably do, but being an Anti-Fairy and all, no one can expect you to follow those rules. Which is why they have fairies like me around.”

“To tell me what to do?”

“No,” said Poof, as Foop took a sip of his espresso. “To mess with you. And don’t swallow that cockroach,” he said, just as Foop felt something get stuck in his throat, and swallowed.

Foop’s eyes widened and Poof went back to the counter, laughing. He looked awfully pleased with himself, and Foop didn’t know whether to be annoyed or impressed. He magicked the cockroach from out of his stomach and sent it to Jupiter, and then picked up his food and left, feeling conflicted.

*

“Back again so soon?” said Poof as Foop sat down at the table. “I see you’ve learned your lesson.” He looked pointedly at Foop’s feet.

“Shut up,” said Foop, and Poof smiled at him.

Foop ordered his usual order, and it seemed to come quicker than it did before. Poof sat down across from him when he brought his food over, and Foop glared from above his newspaper.

“Who said you could sit with me?”

“No one. Wednesdays are slow days, though,” said Poof, and watched as Foop read.

“Could you not,” said Foop, adjusting his paper. He jerked it up so it covered his face.

“I’m just observing you, what’s the big deal?” Poof’s eyeballs were literally above his newspaper now, because fairies could do that. Foop hated that they were fairies, sometimes.

“So you decide to sit with me?” said Foop. “Don’t you recall the fact that I hate you and want to destroy you sometime in your life?”

“Yeah, but I don’t hate you. And I find you funny.” Foop inched his newspaper down as Poof giggled.

“There’s nothing funny about me,” he growled.

“Yes there is,” said Poof, in a chipper voice. “Like last time, the look on your face when you swallowed that cockroach. And how you’re so predictable sometimes.”

“What do you mean by predictable?” said Foop, but then the fairy at the counter said, “Poof! Get back on your shift!” and Poof said in an all too charming voice, “I’m coming!”

Foop glared as Poof walked back to the shop counter (and did not admire Poof’s ass, he did not.)

*

“Hello, Poof,” Foop said, grinning, ray gun tucked into his suit jacket pocket.

“Hi Foop!” Poof said brightly. “I have your order all ready to go, you don’t need to say anything!”

He pulled out an espresso and pumpernickel bread, which Foop stared at. He took his finger off the trigger from inside his jacket.

“What,” he said, and then pulled himself together and said, “Well, uh. I was going to get banana nut muffin today, too.”

“Okay!” said Poof, and then glanced to his coworkers before pulling out his wand. A banana nut muffin appeared on the counter in front of them.

“I’m not allowed to do that,” he said to Foop in a hushed undertone, “because we’re supposed to be practicing our food magic from the very basics. But banana nut muffins are my favorite so I’m practically a professional at them.”

“Right,” said Foop, completely thrown off. “You–You know what I order?”

Poof laughed. “It’s not that hard to remember. Well, I mean, you’re not hard to remember so your order isn’t hard to remember, either.” He beamed at him.

“Right,” said Foop, and then picked up his food and turned to his usual table. “Thanks…”

When he sat down, he turned and found that Poof had been following him. “What?” he said, and Poof just shrugged and grinned.

“It’s Wednesday again,” he said. “I told you, Wednesdays are slow.”

Foop rolled his eyes but didn’t protest when Poof sat across from him. After taking a sip of his espresso, Foop asked, “How’s your parents’ godchild?” He hoped to touch a sore subject.

“Oh, he died a while ago, but Mom and Dad visit him in heaven a lot,” said Poof, brightly as ever.

“Who would’ve known that twat made it into heaven?” said Foop, and Poof glared.

“Hey,” he said. “I know Timmy was selfish sometimes and all, but he was a good kid!”

“Who needs heaven, anyways,” said Foop. “Hell’s where all the fun really is.”

“You know it doesn’t make a difference to us,” said Poof. “We don’t really die.”

This was true. The way life worked for fairies and anti-fairies was that once their bodies were exhausted after a few millennia or so, they’d go into a deep sleep. Then they’d wake up again, as refreshed as ever. Both world were constantly expanding, too, so there wasn’t any worry for overpopulation, either.

“Mortals are useless, anyways,” said Foop. “But fun to play around with.”

“I can think of someone even more fun to play around with,” said Poof, and when Foop said, “You better not have done something to my pumpernickel,” Poof laughed.

*

(He ended up feeling pretty full after the pumpernickel and his espresso, so he gave the banana nut muffin to Poof. Poof was delighted and looked terribly surprised, which Foop thought was ludicrous because he really should’ve seen that one coming.)

*

“Uh,” said Poof, after getting Foop his order on yet another day (Foop only had to sit down at the table, not even ask Poof for his order.) “I’m glad you keep coming in here even though you said before you wouldn’t.”

He was sitting down across from Foop. Foop said, “Today’s on Wednesday?”

“What? I know,” said Poof, shaking his head. “No, uh. I just want to say that I like having you around.”

“Great.” Foop continued reading his newspaper.

“And, um. I like you.”

Foop nodded, before his brain processed his words.

He glanced at Poof from above his newspaper. Poof had his hands folded, was glancing to the side. His fingers were twiddling nervously.

“I like you,” Poof said again. “I just really–I look forward to when you come, and I get really disappointed when it’s my shift but I don’t see you, or you come on a day when I’m not working.”

“I’ve never had anyone else order for me,” Foop replied.

Poof’s eyes brightened up.

“Is that your way of saying that you like me too?”

“What? I never said that!” said Foop, but already Poof was hugging him from across the table, and then kissed him on the lips. He finally let Foop go.

Foop was stunned.

“I never,” he said again; but it couldn’t be too bad, could it? Even though the way Poof was grinning so hard at him from across the table was kind of disgusting… Well, Poof did make a damn good waiter.

“Don’t you think it’s sort of narcissistic, though?” he said to Poof, finally. “Since I’m practically you, just your opposite? I thought you were all perfect and unselfish.”

“That’s not true,” Poof scoffed. “And I’m not perfect and unselfish all the time.”

“Don’t give me that,” said Foop. “That’s what I love hating about you.”

“All right,” said Poof, and he leaned in to kiss Foop again and Foop wasn’t thrown off this time. Actually, he faintly enjoyed it. “As long as you promise not to stop,” Poof said, with a smile.