Rating:

Teen

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

MDZS/CQL

Relationship:

Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian

Tags:

animal crossing, identity porn, modern au, no covid au, online famous, teachers, twitter

Stats:

Posted on:

2020-10-29

Words:

6,951

New video from Yiling Laozu: Island Tour With a Maze That Will Blow Your Mind!!

Lan Zhan clicks on the link in his YouTube subscription email, mostly out of habit at this point. He usually doesn’t care for the video game side of YouTube, most of his subscriptions being instrumental covers like Sungha Jung and Ska Tune Network. But Animal Crossing: New Horizons has changed his routine, in ways more than one. And Yiling Laozu is one of the better island tour YouTube channels—if not, in Lan Zhan’s humble opinion, the best.

The robot voice warbles out tinny over Lan Zhan’s laptop speakers: “Hi guys! Welcome to another island tour, where we’re visiting yet another island that has a featured maze. And we know that I love mazes. You know what they say: the bigger, the better. And this island has the biggest maze I’ve ever seen.”

The video pans over an island that is nearly entirely a hedge maze. Lan Zhan has no interest in making or visiting such islands; they’re impractical and just for the internet clout, to get on island tours such as Yiling Laozu’s. But, perhaps, making an island just to get on Yiling Laozu’s island tours might be worth it. This video does already have two thousand views, and it came out not ten minutes ago. And that’s not accounting for how broken YouTube can be sometimes.

“And this maze belongs to channel Headshaker’s island, Unclean Realm! You can check out their channel and social media in the description below. But for now, let’s take off and visit this crazy maze of an island.”

Even though Yiling Laozu never uses his real voice in his videos, Lan Zhan swears he can hear the enthusiasm, the character in them. (If they remind him of a certain art teacher, that’s nobody’s business but his own.) Yiling Laozu teases his viewers and fans all the time with a real voice reveal, but at this point it’s become a meme. Lan Zhan is content with not knowing, with not hearing. Yiling Laozu’s words—through his videos and his tweets—are enough.

Most of the videos are of New Horizons island tours, with one older video in his backlog of a speedpaint from 2005. His island tours are tasteful and feature different styles and themes, to help inspire his viewers, he says. Lan Zhan doesn’t need inspiring—he’s already achieved his own five-star island, and builds and adjusts areas slowly and as he sees fit—but Yiling Laozu never fails to entertain, with his amusing commentary and genuine (unlike most island tour guides) compliments, over the robot voice.

“Wait, Headshaker, is Lobo wearing a dress that says STAN LOONA?” Yiling Laozu hits Lobo over the head with his net, and then the robot voice laughs as Headshaker’s avatar hits Yiling Laozu with his own net. The laughter is monotone and stilted, but even so, as Lan Zhan curls up in his chair, he thinks some of Yiling Laozu’s real laughter bleeds through.

*

Lan Zhan’s favorite grade to teach is the fourth graders, because they’ve learned that being a troublemaker is not cool, but are still too wide-eyed and innocent to be pretentious. The fourth graders sing and openly volunteer to play the triangle or the cowbell, while most of the fifth graders act like they’re too good to open up their mouths to learn the words to Lean On Me.

The other reason the fourth graders are Lan Zhan’s favorite is because every class has art afterward, so he makes the journey with them out of the classroom and into the art hallway. It’s not too far from the music hall, but it certainly has more character, with the hand crafts and portrait projects and charcoal canvas drawings lining the walls, and simple clay figurines perched in the glass displays. Lan Zhan wonders if he can ask the art teacher for the kids to make something music-related for his hallway, and then dismisses the thought entirely. He wouldn’t dare to be presumptuous; he and the art teacher are barely friends.

Said art teacher greets them today with a small grin on his face. At the front of the line, little Wen Yuan waves excitedly. “Hi Mr. Wei!”

“Yuan-yuan! Hi!” Mr. Wei—Wei Ying—waves back. Wen Yuan, bless him, does not run down the hallway, but walks patiently with the rest of the class and waits until they reach the door to give Wei Ying a high-five.

“There we go,” Wei Ying says, and keeps his hand out for the other kids to bat at, even Jin Ling who smacks it with unnecessary force. Wei Ying laughs and then rubs at it when they reach the end of the line. His eyes are sparkling when they land on Lan Zhan.

“I’m assuming you’ll want a high-five as well, Mr. Lan?” he teases.

“Unnecessary.” Lan Zhan shakes his head. His next period is free, which he might use to mentally map out how he wants to rearrange his garden while sorting through his curriculum.

“On the contrary, I find high-fives to be very necessary,” Wei Ying says. “Motivational, even. They get me going.”

“If Mr. Wei is on par with nine-year olds, I cannot say that I am surprised,” Lan Zhan says drily.

“Oh, you’ve got jokes now.” Wei Ying throws his head back and laughs. Lan Zhan willfully pushes down his instinctive reaction to the sight of Wei Ying’s long neck, Adam’s apple, bare skin as Wei Ying clutches himself through his laughter. “Mr. Lan, you never fail to surprise me. Well, I’ll leave you to it and go ahead with these rascals.”

He spins on his heel and claps his hands loudly. The class goes quiet, and as he shuts the door behind him, Lan Zhan hears Wei Ying’s voice: “Okay, so, who wants to give me the definition of a landscape?”

*

Lan Zhan has had a Twitter account since Jin Zixuan had set his eyes on becoming an influencer and bugged Lan Zhan until he got one. Lan Zhan has his reservations about having anything connected to his name on the internet, so he goes by the handle of hanguang-jun, a nickname given to him by his brother when they were younger. His Twitter followers are mostly bots, and the only person he follows, aside for Jin Zixuan (who, to Lan Zhan’s despair, has been rather successful in his influencer aspirations), is Yiling Laozu.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu 5h
when work gives you decorating ideas but 99% of your island is already full 🤔😭

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu 30min
how NOT to place your bridge, a tutorial by @sandushou #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch

[Media may contain sensitive content]

jc @sandushou 28min
@yilinglaozu fuck off at least my island doesn’t lag every 10 secs

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu 27min
@sandushou AT LEAST MY ISLAND IS PRETTY!!!

Yiling Laozu had gotten most of his viewers through his QR patterns on Twitter. Lan Zhan had been following him then, too, when he was looking for a deck pattern to go on his beach. Most of the patterns he had found were too simple, too complicated, or didn’t have the right shade of mid-to-dark brown that Lan Zhan was looking for. And then he’d found Yiling Laozu’s perfect custom pattern, and then Yiling Laozu had posted coco, my best girl! #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch with a picture of his avatar doing the joy expression while Coco was eating an ice cream bar, and Lan Zhan hit Follow.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu 15min
the default music note pattern is pretty but mine are PRETTIER!! #acnhqr #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch

[Media may contain sensitive content]

His patterns are intricate and detailed, with an eye for accuracy and a specific aesthetic he’s going for. Yiling Laozu has a vast too many patterns available for Lan Zhan to even consider using all of them, but he does use quite a few, with the four accounts and houses he has on his Switch. Unlike Yiling Laozu’s island, which Lan Zhan has caught glimpses of in his screencaps, Lan Zhan prefers to leave plenty of room in his areas, and not use impractically small amounts of space for something as substantial as a vegetable garden.

Lan Zhan is also still paying off the home loan on one of his accounts, because he does not time travel.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu 5min
great now i’ve gotta tt so i can get cherry… i will do this only for ONE dog

ghost @qionglin 3min
@yilinglaozu what about lucky? 🥺

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu 2min
@qionglin TWO dogs

ghost @qionglin 1min
@yilinglaozu 🤗

Sometimes Lan Zhan wonders who Yiling Laozu’s friends are, how they met; Yiling Laozu follows around 200 people, while the number of people who follow him is in the thirty-thousands. But Lan Zhan is content not knowing, because that would make him realer. He is only Lan Zhan’s favorite Animal Crossing: New Horizons internet personality, and nothing else.

*

Lan Zhan prefers eating his lunch in his classroom rather than the teacher’s lounge. Most of the other teachers like to question him about his vegetarian meals, or make faces at his black bean noodles and tofu.

Today, however, he had forgotten to refill his green tea thermos—a minor slip-up that happens every so often. During his lunch break, he pops into the teacher’s lounge, cradling his tupperware to his chest. However, when he arrives at the coffeemaker, he sees that it’s already in use.

“Hi!” Wei Ying brightens as Lan Zhan approaches. “You wanted coffee too? Apparently I’m making some for everyone in here, even though I could totally drink this whole pot by myself.”

Lan Zhan shakes his head. “I do not drink coffee.”

“You’re way healthier than me,” Wei Ying says with a laugh. “I’m shamefully addicted. What do you drink then—tea?” He peers into Lan Zhan’s thermos. “Is that green tea I smell? And oh! Are you eating zhajiangmian?”

“Yes,” Lan Zhan says to both of his questions. Wei Ying is very close to him; the back of Lan Zhan’s neck feels hot. He tries to formulate a sentence. “Is zhajiangmian a dish you enjoy?”

“Yeah, though I haven’t had it in ages. I mostly live on cup noodles these days.” Wei Ying laughs again, and then startles at the look on Lan Zhan’s face. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, Mr. Lan! I mean, you know how our salaries are, but I try to find time to cook on the weekends… or get my sister to Facetime me through it.”

“Lan Zhan,” Lan Zhan says.

Wei Ying blinks owlishly. “What?”

“You can—“ Lan Zhan clears his throat. Has someone turned up the thermostat in the teacher’s lounge? He bets it was Mr. Davis. “—call me Lan Zhan.”

“Oh!” Wei Ying beams. “I didn’t realize we were on a first name-basis, Lan Zhan. Call me Wei Ying, then!”

“Okay, Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying tells him that he prefers heaps of laoganma in his zhajiangmian; that sometimes when his sister helps him cook, he skips over when she tells him to add ginger because he hates accidentally putting the actual ginger in his mouth; that the Chinese market thirty minutes away is thirty minutes too far away and that they should put one in town, just for the two of them. Lan Zhan nods and listens and agrees—and, when Wei Ying begs off to his classroom because his class was supposed to start thirty seconds ago, Lan Zhan leaves the teacher’s lounge, forgetting to boil water for his tea.

*

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu 30secs
shooting stars AND cata party AND t*rnip prices 300+!! dm for d*do code, pls be patient 🥰

The first console Lan Zhan had ever played on was a GameCube, at a family friend’s home in her basement. His brother had shown polite interest in it and Lan Zhan none; Lan Zhan much preferred his books at home, and swimming when outside. Video games were frivolous and bad for your eyes.

However, when the older kids, including Lan Huan, ran upstairs with the promise of cake, Lan Zhan had lowered his book to see Mianmian peering curiously at him. She asked if he had any interest in Super Smash Brothers Melee; he had said no. She then asked if he had heard of Animal Crossing. He shook his head, and she had switched the games out on her GameCube and let him play.

It was the only Animal Crossing game he played prior to New Horizons. His uncle, of course, would not buy them a video game console at home, and even when Animal Crossing: New Leaf came out, Lan Zhan was still living with his uncle and could not bring himself to ask for one, or purchase it on his own, under his roof. Only with the announcement of New Horizons, when Lan Zhan has long since rented out his own apartment, did he have any interest in purchasing a Switch, preordering the game, and downloading it on launch day.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
I am interested in visiting your island. May I have the Dodo Code?

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
yes ofc!! 5BXMM

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Thank you.

Lan Zhan usually does not visit other islands. He usually does not play with other people, aside from his brother, who had given him apples and roses for his island, and Mianmian, who he is still in touch with and had given him oranges. He does not direct message Yiling Laozu—or anyone—asking for Dodo Codes, either, but something about today, this evening, over his bean sprouts and cabbages and brown rice, a few days after his run-in with Wei Ying at the teacher’s lounge, makes him feel more bold.

When he started New Horizons, he did not know the complexities of the game—he read the Terms of Service, let Tom Nook slowly explain to him how house loans worked, and aimed at catching bugs and fish and checking the shops every day. However, after reading a few spoiler-free guides online and following Yiling Laozu, he has learned about wishing on stars, cataloguing items to reorder, and the Stalk Market.

In the virtual airplane flying over the island (appropriately called Yiling), Lan Zhan watches as bits and pieces of the island load in. There are many Statues of David, a gothic teacup ride, and an entire field of spoiled turnips, from what Lan Zhan can see.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Do you need turnips to sell?

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
oh! no haha! 😅 those are from a while ago but my brother insists i keep them there
for the ~aesthetic~
feel free to go shopping too!!

Navigating around Yiling is difficult. The entrance is a narrow pathway surrounded by cliffside waterfalls, with other statues perched on them. There’s also the occasional bloodstain pattern on the ground, which Lan Zhan recognizes from Yiling Laozu’s repertoire. At the end of the walkway is a fake Girl With A Pearl Earring painting, whose eyes are closed.

Lan Zhan struggles to find Nook’s Cranny, through the many other nooks and crannies on Yiling. The avatar, named Laozu, finds him midway and starts guiding him. Along the way, they pass a few trees of fruit that Lan Zhan has not yet obtained.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Do you mind if I pick some fruit? I will only take one of each of the ones I need.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
oh go ahead! u can take whatever drops haha

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Thank you.

Lan Zhan shakes the pear and cherry trees and picks them.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
omg you need cherries? that’s my native actually!!!
i have more in my storage if u want! lemme go grab some

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
There is no need.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
NOOO i insist hahaha they’re taking up soo much room in my storage
idk why i keep them
my friends call me a hoarder 😅
my storage is full anyway idk why i havent just sold them yet LOL

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Perhaps it is because you have more than enough bells.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
squints… perhaps

When Laozu leads him to the store, he runs off, presumably to his house to grab the cherries. Lan Zhan would have been content with a single one, but at least now it will be easier for him to plan an orchard. He already has an orchard spacing guide in his internet browser bookmarks; today will be the day where he actually uses it.

He sells his turnips, then departs the store to where Laozu has strewn out the items for cataloguing. Lan Zhan had only learned of this strategy when watching Yiling Laozu’s HOW TO: Increase Item Variety in ACNH! video. It had boggled his mind to know that anything that has ever touched his in-game pockets would be available for him to reorder through the ABD. Apparently this is a well-known trick, though, as Mianmian had been unsurprised when Lan Zhan asked to “touch” her cloud rug.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
oh oop someone else is coming over!!!
sorry about the interruption give it a min 😅

Someone’s arriving! glows in teal over the screen. In real life, Lan Zhan’s rice is getting cold.

The person arriving has the title of Quintessential Life-Form, which makes Lan Zhan smile. His own is Self-Possessed Floaty Thing, with his alias, Wangji.

After the new person (Qing) arrives, Lan Zhan checks the visitor passports. Yiling Laozu’s is Ludicrously Popular Supreme Being.

Lan Zhan chuckles. He never chuckles.

He picks up each item and places it back down, before moving to the next one. The items Laozu has left out for him and others to catalogue tonight are system kitchens (presumably of multiple varieties), kitchen islands, whirlpool baths, and screens. Lan Zhan has none of them, and they are likely atrociously expensive, but he just sold enough turnips for half a million bells anyway.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
oh! do you have the umm
the tree peonies elaborate kimono stand?
i have two for some reason orz
and i know qing
like i KNOW her
and she doesn’t need one lol

Lan Zhan googles the item.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
I will take it off your hands.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
thank you gracious wangji hanguang-jun 🙏

Lan Zhan finishes cataloging the items as Laozu’s avatar runs back down near the shop. Qing is cataloging the system kitchens still. Laozu drops the cherries, then the elaborate kimono stand.

Qing picks it up.

Laozu does the angry emote at her, then hits her with his net. Qing laugh emotes, then drops the item again. Lan Zhan moves to it and sees that it’s the elaborate kimono stand.

Qing is typing.

haha sorry wangji!! just wanted to mess with yllz

Lan Zhan picks up the kimono stand, then angry emotes at her too. Laozu is still angry emoting.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
LMAOOOOOOO
oh shit wait i think someone’s coming

They’re interrupted when the announcement band scrolls over the screen once again. As the new person (“Rebecca” from “Lavender Town”) arrives, Lan Zhan glances at the time. It’s approaching 8:00pm. He needs to finish eating and get ready for bed.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
I will take my leave now.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
aww you can’t stay for shooting stars? 🥺

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
It is late where I am. I must head to bed.
I may attend the next time you have shooting stars.
Thank you for the items.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
ofc!!! thanks for visiting 🥰🥰

Lan Zhan shuts down his Switch when he arrives back at his island, then finishes his cold dinner. He packs some leftovers for lunch, makes a mental note to look through the orchard guide in the morning, and meditates for twenty minutes. Before brushing his teeth, he notices on his phone that he got another Twitter notification.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
i can ping u the next time i get shooting stars, if u want!!

Lan Zhan’s ears color. He has tweet notifications for Yiling Laozu on.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
No need.
But thank you for the offer.

*

The next day at school, Wei Ying appears in his doorway in the morning. “Knock knock,” he says, rapping his knuckles on the music room doorframe.

Lan Zhan looks up.

There are faint bags under Wei Ying’s eyes, but he looks as stunning as ever, red button-up and black trousers. The handful of times Lan Zhan has seen Wei Ying on casual Fridays, he can’t deny that Wei Ying looks more comfortable in jeans and a sweater, with the occasional Hawaiian shirt. But school-mandated dress codes seem to work for him.

And he’s more attainable than a popular faceless personality on the internet.

“Hiya, Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying cheerfully strides over to his desk. Instead of sitting on the chair on the other side, he perches himself on the table. “Whatcha up to?”

“Arranging next semester’s curriculum.” Lan Zhan returns to his folder. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Well, Tiffany’s out—sick, or a wedding, or something.” Wei Ying rolls his eyes. “So I was assigned to monitor fourth and fifth grade lunch. And I was wondering if you wanted to do it with me, since I know we have the same lunch period.”

Lan Zhan levels him with a look. As much as he enjoys Wei Ying’s presence, it’s still monitoring lunch. Nothing in the world will balance out that headache.

“Oh, I know, Lan Zhan. But bear with me—that means we can bug the lunch ladies for any spare chicken nuggets afterward!”

“I will not eat school cafeteria-processed chicken nuggets.” Lan Zhan doesn’t eat chicken nuggets at all, but that’s beside the point.

“Well.” Wei Ying thinks for a moment, then gives Lan Zhan puppy dog eyes. “There’s me?”

Lan Zhan sighs.

*

At least watching over fourth and fifth graders eating lunch is a lot like teaching them. The main difference is that they’re now all in the same room together, and there’s food involved.

“Hey! Stop that,” Wei Ying says sternly, as Lan Jingyi tries to prod a french fry up Wen Yuan’s nose. Wen Yuan, to Lan Zhan’s horror, is giggling, but stops when he catches Lan Zhan scowling at them.

“I am regretting this decision,” he says to Wei Ying.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying says. “Me too.”

They lean against the wall, Wei Ying shuffling his feet for a bit. “So,” Wei Ying says. “Hey, I was thinking—”

Lan Zhan may never know what he was thinking, because at that moment Ouyang Zizhen exclaims, “Oh no, you’re making me sad!” and immediately Lan Zhan and Wei Ying rush over to him.

“What’s wrong?” Wei Ying says worriedly.

Next to him, Jingyi is grinning. “I just told him that Tom Nook and Redd are exes, and Redd’s just messing with him in New Horizons!”

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying blink.

Wei Ying bursts into laughter. “That’s all? That’s all? Wow, Jingyi, where did you hear that?”

Jingyi sniffs. “The internet.”

Zizhen frowns at him. “The internet could be wrong! They never say that in my game. I think.”

“You guys play Animal Crossing?” Wei Ying asks, delight on his face. Lan Zhan’s heart hammers at the idea of Wei Ying playing Animal Crossing, too—but why should it be a surprise, when the two of them are pretty similar in age? “Who’s your favorite villager?”

“Mine’s Joey,” Jin Ling volunteers down the table.

“I like Molly,” says Zizhen.

Jingyi seems to be thinking. “Bill,” he decides.

“All excellent choices,” Wei Ying says, beaming. “Have you guys paid off your home loans yet? Made the clothing store?”

Some of them nod. “My sister says I need one more visit from Mabel,” says Zizhen thoughtfully. “She visited me twice already.”

“That’s right! And if you talk to her sister, Sable, enough, she’ll give you cool patterns for your customization,” says Wei Ying. “And if Redd’s visited your island, be careful because he can give you fake paintings. Be sure to look at his items too, because even if you don’t want it, later you might change your mind and you can reorder it through the catalogue. Also, if you buy over a hundred items through the catalogue, you can get the mobile app in your game. And if you connect your game with the real mobile app—”

“Wei Ying, I think that’s enough,” Lan Zhan says, lightly pushing him away from the gaping students. “I don’t think they’re processing what you’re saying.”

“Thanks, Mr. Wei!” Zizhen yells as they go back to where they were watching over the cafeteria.

“No yelling!” Wei Ying yells back. “But you’re welcome!”

He beams at Lan Zhan. “I don’t suppose Lan Zhan plays Animal Crossing, too?”

Lan Zhan hesitates. “I do.”

“No way.” Wei Ying’s jaw drops. His eyes rake over Lan Zhan; Lan Zhan’s ears turn pink. “Who’s your favorite villager, then?” There is undisguised glee on his face. Lan Zhan feels unnecessarily proud of himself for making Wei Ying like this.

“Ruby,” Lan Zhan confesses. “But—I do not have her on my island yet.”

“Ooh, a good choice,” Wei Ying says. “I should ask around, a bunch of my friends play Animal Crossing too! I don’t think any of them have Ruby, but they’re in Discord servers that do. I used to be in one, but I got kicked out of it for something stupid.”

Lan Zhan raises an eyebrow. “Something stupid,” he repeats.

“Okay, listen, cloning in the game is not illegal, I’m just exploiting the glitches—“

“Mn,” Lan Zhan says. “Wei Ying takes Animal Crossing: New Horizons very seriously, then.”

“I can’t believe you’re mocking me,” Wei Ying says, but he’s grinning.

*

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
shooting stars again tonight!! dm me for code; can’t stay open too long 😅

It’s a few evenings later when Lan Zhan gets the tweet notification. He puts his phone in his pocket and continues eating dinner.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
@yilinglaozu cc @hanguangjun

Lan Zhan debates. He usually is not one to play video games during mealtimes; last week had been a fluke. Yet, for some reason, Yiling Laozu has not only remembered him, but also that he did not stay long enough to wish on stars that previous night.

He quickly eats the rest of his food, packs his leftovers, and pushes his dishes in the dishwasher.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Thank you for the ping. I am here now, but I understand if your island is currently full.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
oh no dw!! i left a space for you
code 2FHH1!!!!

Lan Zhan makes his way to Yiling. His avatar is wearing white imp wings and horns today.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
oh btw!!! out of curiosity
do u happen to have ruby?

Something hovers in the back of Lan Zhan’s mind. Something impossible—it must be a coincidence.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
No, I do not.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
aw damn haha
i mean darn

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
I am 27 years old.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
oh LOL
me too!!
habit lol
shit and fuck 😊
u just never know with kids these days

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Twitter’s Terms of Service says you must be 13 years old to sign up.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
this IS true

In game, Laozu’s avatar says lemme show u prime spot for stars! Lan Zhan follows him. Through Laozu’s island, he sees no less than two other gothic teacup rides, a wedding entirely with the black and brown customization, a randomly placed oarfish, an all black and gold garden, and gravestones, here and there.

His stargazing spot is on a small, top cliff, where a few other avatars are standing. The cliff below has a red gingham pattern, with frays like a picnic blanket. There’s a panda and two of the sakura picnic sets with it.

Lan Zhan tilts his camera up, watching and waiting for shooting stars to appear. After a few, he’s interrupted with an alert from his phone—a tweet alert.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
island tour video tomorrow 👁👄👁 perhaps… this time we see a [REDACTED]MON-themed island???

When Lan Zhan looks back at his screen, he sees that Yiling Laozu has still been wishing on stars the entire time. He navigates to his direct messages.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
How did you tweet and wish on stars at the same time?

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
omg
u dont have to look at the screen when wishing on stars!!! u can just spam a

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
How do you know when the stars appear?

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
you don’t!!! it doesnt matter when you spam a hehe
the game will just automatically wish for you as you keep pressing it
also since u saw my tweet – spoiler alert, it’s digimon ;)

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
I will watch it.
I enjoy your videos.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
🥰🥰🥰
also!!! since last time u took the um
elaborate kimono stand off my hands
would u like a statue of david as well?
ik i have a bunch all over my island but uhhh
i have more in my storage
IDK WHY I HAVE SO MANY I JUST LOVE THE PEEPEE MAN

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
If you have so much of him, you should not want to give him away. You should cherish each one you have.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
i literally cant tell if you’re joking or not

Even though he’s alone, Lan Zhan hides a smile in his hand.

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Yes, I will take a PP man as well.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
hanguang jun must be in need of so many items since he keeps accepting my donations
even tho he’s MOCKING me

hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
I would never mock the Yiling Laozu.

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
good.
wait

*

“Lan Zhan,” sings Wei Ying’s voice from the doorway.

It’s after school; Wei Ying has been more talkative, more smiley in the short moments where Lan Zhan drops the kids off at the art room. Aside from last week at lunch, they don’t run into each other enough to have proper conversations. Lan Zhan has even dropped by the teacher’s lounge more recently under the guise of boiling more water for his tea, but even then he hasn’t seen Wei Ying. He’s starting to suspect that Wei Ying takes his lunches in his own room, too.

Lan Zhan looks up from his computer. “Hello, Wei Ying. Can I help you with something?”

“You make me feel like a secretary.” Wei Ying sits on Lan Zhan’s desk again.

Lan Zhan glances down at where he’s sitting. His—butt, which is round. Looks soft. Sticks out quite a bit.

He shakes the white noise out from his head. “Secretaries should not sit on other teachers’ desks,” he says.

“Well, good thing I’m not a secretary then.” Wei Ying moves Lan Zhan’s pictures of his rabbits out of the way. “So. Two things.”

Lan Zhan continues typing, waiting.

“The first.” Wei Ying runs his bottom lip between his teeth. Lan Zhan is slowly typing keysmashes. “Um. Good news! I found someone with Ruby, and now she’s on my Animal Crossing island.”

Lan Zhan blinks up at him. “You have Ruby?”

“Yeah, but she’s yours. It’s a whole thing.” Wei Ying waves a hand. “I just have to time travel a bunch till she wants to move out, blah blah, then she’s in boxes, you can pick her up, the whole deal.”

Lan Zhan thankfully understands most of this, although the phrase in boxes raises a few questions. He asks, “What’s the second thing?”

“The second thing! Well…” Wei Ying hesitates. “Okay, Lan Zhan, look, you can say no, and maybe I’m reading the signals wrong, but, um.” His fingers tap nervously on his thigh. “Do you want to maybe, um, go on a date with me? Like, dinner, or a movie, or whatever, you know, it’s the twenty-first century.” His laughter is strained. “Or you can say no, I mean, I’m not gonna hold Ruby hostage or anything, I’m still going to give her to you, but um, I’d like to get to know you more, and like, you’re really hot, and you seem to tolerate me, so, uh, yeah, feel free to stop me from talking at any time now! Haha.”

Lan Zhan’s ears are burning. He places a hand on Wei Ying’s, on top of his thigh. He makes eye contact.

“I am very interested in going on a date with you,” he says.

Wei Ying freezes. Then a pleased flush blooms over his cheeks.

“Great! Uh. Great!” He stands up, knocking over Lan Zhan’s pencil holder in the process. Pens and pencils fall to the ground. “Shit—sorry, I mean, sorry, I’ll pick that up.”

Lan Zhan comes around his desk to help him. Wei Ying is still chattering as he puts the pencils back in the holder.

“I didn’t expect you to say yes, you know, well, I did, I was hoping I didn’t like, imagine the vague interest you seemed to have in me, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if I did, I’ve been wrong before—I mean, not really about people being interested in me, you’re just not the easiest person to read, you know?”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan stands back up with him, and takes the now-filled pen container from his hands. “I already said yes.” And, taking a chance since they’re now standing so close, he breaches those few inches, presses their lips together, in the briefest kiss.

A small spark shoots through his veins at the contact. Wei Ying seems just as stunned.

After a moment, he breaks into a beam. “You will not regret this, Lan Zhan,” he says. “I’ve been thinking about it all week, we should—let’s have dinner at my place this weekend, then. And you can bring your Switch! And I can give you Ruby!”

Lan Zhan nods. His ears are still warm. “I look forward to it.”

*

They exchange numbers, though they do not text much, due to being so occupied during the day. It is on Friday, while Lan Zhan is cleaning himself up, when Wei Ying sends him his address with a brief apology that he forgot. Lan Zhan tells him that he was going to ask him an hour before if Wei Ying did not send it to him anyway, and Wei Ying “LOL”s at him and tells him not to forget his Switch.

Wei Ying greets him in dark skinny-leg jeans and a tight red t-shirt with a denim jacket thrown over it. “Damn, Lan Zhan, you clean up good,” he says, not noticing how Lan Zhan’s brain is short-circuiting at the exposure of so much collarbone. “How do you feel about hot pot? I also forgot that inviting people to your home is supposed to be like, the third date—“

“Hot pot is fine,” Lan Zhan interrupts, lest Wei Ying start rambling again.

“Good, good.” Wei Ying bustles into the kitchen. “Do you want beer? Wine? Uh, milk, orange juice?”

“I would like water.” Lan Zhan approaches the dinner table, where the pot is bubbling. “I do not drink much alcohol.”

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised.” Wei Ying comes back out with a glass of water in one hand, beer in the other. “I drink too much alcohol, so it seems like we balance each other out, huh?”

“I will cut you off after two beers,” Lan Zhan says, and Wei Ying laughs.

Dinner goes splendidly, even though midway through, Wei Ying goes, “Ah, the pot is still not spicy enough,” even though it’s plenty spicy for Lan Zhan, and adds more huajiao. Lan Zhan continues eating anyway, despite the fact that he can’t feel his mouth. Wei Ying also suggests that they play Animal Crossing so that he can give Lan Zhan Ruby in case he forgets by the end of the night, but Lan Zhan says, “I will not forget. Focus on eating.”

“Ah, so serious, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says, but he picks at a stray piece of mushroom at the corner of Lan Zhan’s lips and puts it in his mouth.

Lan Zhan’s ears burn, not from the spice.

Afterward, Wei Ying treats them to mochi and milk to ease the taste, and they settle into Wei Ying’s small living room. Wei Ying grabs his Switch Lite from his bedroom—a coral pink thing, with glittery stickers on the back. “Ruby time!” he says, as they boot up their games.

“We should play locally,” Wei Ying says, fiddling with his Switch, “since I’m too lazy to actually get online.” Lan Zhan glances at his screen, as they’re sitting across from each other—something on it makes that suspicion from earlier this week flare up again.

He keeps quiet and goes to the airport in his game. Orville asks, How can I help you out today?

He selects, I wanna fly!

Wei Ying sighs. “Man, I hate the airport dialogue tree.”

Lan Zhan nods in agreement.

So, just to get the paperwork all official, where didja want to go?

Lan Zhan selects, I wanna visit someone.

Wei Ying peers over his screen. “You know, you don’t have to wait him to finish speaking before you press A,” he says. “And you can press B to make him talk faster.”

Lan Zhan did not know that. He presses B. Orville’s full dialogue loads.

You wanna head to a nearby island on local play, or some far-off island using online play?

Wei Ying is frowning at Lan Zhan’s screen.

> Via local play.

You got it! I’ll turn off the internet connection and set things up for local play.

> Roger!

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says slowly. “What’s your name in the game?”

“Wangji,” Lan Zhan replies.

Wei Ying stares at him.

Looks like we’ve got a flight for Yiling right now… That where you wanted to go?

Lan Zhan lifts his head up and stares back.

Wei Ying lets out a nervous laugh. “You’re the—wait,” he says. He laughs again.

“Are you,” Lan Zhan says, “Yiling Laozu?”

“I.” Wei Ying sits down. “Oh my god.”

Lan Zhan continues tapping A on his Switch. His avatar has boarded the airplane. The screen pans overhead Yiling again. He’s staring at Wei Ying.

“I can’t believe I asked you if you had Ruby,” is what Wei Ying finally decides to say.

Lan Zhan says, “I have been following your Twitter account and YouTube channel since April.”

“Oh my god.” Wei Ying puts his Switch down and buries his head in his arms. “You watched my island tours? You read my tweets? You DM’d me? I’m so—” and then muffled by his sleeves “—embarrassed!”

Lan Zhan places his own Switch in his lap. He rests his hands on Wei Ying’s arms.

“You should know,” he says seriously, “that I have had a crush on Yiling Laozu as well.”

“That’s even more embarrassing!” But Wei Ying lifts himself back up and bats at Lan Zhan playfully. “You’re embarrassing! I’m embarrassing! I’m more embarrassed for the both of us, holy shit—”

Lan Zhan cuts him off with a kiss on the lips—deeper than this afternoon, with his hands cupping Wei Ying’s face, fingers on his cheek, his neck. Wei Ying is warm and still a little bit spicy, making a small noise into Lan Zhan’s mouth. His tongue is teasing and delightful, running over Lan Zhan’s teeth, gently tasting him, savoring him. Lan Zhan hopes his own mouth tastes like Wei Ying by the end of it.

When he pulls back, his head feels light. Wei Ying looks similarly dazed.

“Your island is a disaster,” Lan Zhan says to him. “Now please tell me what you mean by having Ruby in boxes.”

*

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu Follows you

call me yllz! he/him, 27, island: yiling ❤️ best girl: coco 💙 best boy: @hanguangjun

*

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @yilinglaozu
my best girl AND my best b(f) #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch

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hanguang-jun @hanguangjun
Ruby came home. #AnimalCrossing #ACNH #NintendoSwitch

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*

New video from Yiling Laozu: Island Tour: BOYFRIEND EDITION!

The robot voice says, “Okay, so as you all know, I got a boyfriend and I cannot shut up about him. But the funny thing is that Animal Crossing brought us together, kind of, and now he’s going to show us around his island, which, let me tell you, is disgustingly practical.”

A second robot voice: “Animal Crossing did not necessarily bring us together.”

“It played a part! Now show Laozu around Gusu, I say, as if we’ve never played together before. And let me—move out of the way, don’t just heart emote at me! I—Really? Really? We’re bringing out the nets now? Oh, it’s on.”