The Sean Parker Variety Hour, with added commentary from Divya Narendra.
Sean Parker is twenty-five minutes late.
“Why are we meeting with this guy again?” Divya asks after checking his watch.
Across the table, Eduardo Saverin and Cameron and Tyler and Mark Zuckerberg are squeezed on the booth across from him, Eduardo the closest to Divya. Divya doesn’t know about either Saverin or Zuckerberg, but he does know that both of them were the ones who originally came up with and launched this Facebook idea, when Zuckerberg was supposed to be working for Cameron and Tyler and Divya on ConnectU. Now Divya’s a part of this like some sort of fifth wheel, which hadn’t been much of an issue until this evening.
Cameron’s the one who answers him; Zuckerberg is too busy eagerly looking at the door, and Saverin straight up ignores him, though he’s ignoring everyone like he’s not happy with this situation either. Tyler is muttering something to him.
“Because he founded Napster when he was nineteen and is interested in giving us business advice,” Cameron says, before looking over at Zuckerberg. “Right Mark?”
Zuckerberg’s eyes jerk from the doorway to him and back. “Right,” he says, seemingly oblivious.
This is when Saverin snorts. “Yeah, business advice from someone who got notoriously fired and screwed out of every one of his past business ventures.”
“He also founded the companies,” Zuckerberg argues, like it’s some age-old adage.
Divya has a feeling they’d had this argument before, especially by the way Cameron and Tyler sigh simultaneously and said nothing to each other. “Ty,” Saverin says to his boyfriend. “Please tell your brother to tell his boyfriend that Sean Parker isn’t a fucking god, and that he’s twenty-five minutes late to this meeting.”
“Cameron,” Zuckerberg starts, but Cameron speaks before Zuckerberg can finish what he’s saying to him.
“Okay, we’re not doing this again,” Cameron says, ignoring his own boyfriend who is glaring pointedly at him. “Let’s just meet the guy and see what he has to say, okay you two?”
“I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” Tyler adds to Saverin.
Saverin snorts, like, yeah right. Divya privately agrees with him.
It’s then when Zuckerberg straightens in his seat suddenly, saying, “He’s here.” All five of them look to the entrance of the restaurant–Sean Parker in all his suave glory that Divya immediately doesn’t trust comes strutting through the room, kissing waitresses on the side of their cheeks, greeting nearly everyone he passes.
“Take your time, take your time,” Divya hears Saverin mutter bitterly as Sean slowly makes his way over.
“And he does own a watch,” Divya can’t help adding. Saverin snorts.
By the time Sean arrives, they’ve all stood up in their seats in greeting. “Wow, I’m not sure if this table is big enough,” is the first thing Sean says to them, extending a hand to Divya first. “I’m Sean Parker. Divya, I’m assuming? Eduardo, and…”
“Tyler,” Tyler says, grinning at him.
“So then you’re Cameron,” Sean says to his twin, who nods in acquiescence. “And Mark. The whole gang’s here–it’s like a real company already.”
“It is a real company,” Divya points out as they all sit down.
Sean chuckles to himself. “Clearly, clearly,” he says, sitting on the chair next to Divya, across from Cameron and Mark. “And there’s no food in front of you–”
“We were waiting,” Eduardo says, as Divya also starts, “We didn’t want to–”
Sean ignores, or disregards them both. “Tori,” he calls to a passing waitress, who grins back and calls Sean Parker baby boy. Divya’s already low opinion of him is dropping rapidly. “Can we get some things? That lacquered pork with the ginger confit, lobster claws, hm,” he glances at the rest of them, “tuna tartare? That should be enough to get us started. Anyone here have a drink preference?” He casts his gaze over them again.
Zuckerberg shakes his head adamantly; but then to Divya’s surprise, Saverin pipes up. “I’ll have a Manhattan,” he says to the waitress, handing her his menu. “On the rocks.”
“You know what,” Divya chimes in. “I’ll have one too.”
Sean grins at the two of them, all shark-like in a way that Divya can’t see this dinner ending well. “Excellent,” he says to Tori the waitress. “Six of those then, please.”
She leaves with their order and menus. Once she’s gone, Sean gestures to the five of them and says, “Well this is certainly new. I’ve never worked with a company run like this before.”
“We did take advantage of our college setting,” Cameron says diplomatically. “Often businesses don’t easily realize that college kids are the–”
“Oh, I’m not talking about that,” Sean says, though with an easy smile like he’s either being assuring or domineering. Either way, Cameron falls silent but doesn’t look too upset about it. “I mean this. Who else has heard of a hot dotcom run on the resources of two gay couples,” he points with two fingers at where Cameron and Mark and Tyler and Eduardo are split at the table, “and–I’m not sure what you do,” he says to Divya.
Divya says dryly, “I’m the comedic relief.”
Cameron frowns at him. “You’re more than that,” and Tyler says, “Div–”
“I’m joking,” Divya says quickly, because Sean’s eyebrows are furrowed and Divya doesn’t want this guy thinking he’s either bitter about his place in the company–which he isn’t–or that he doesn’t contribute much, even though that’s admittedly more true. “I’m the de facto Chief Operating Officer,” he tells Sean. “I’m the one who emailed you.”
“Oh, yeah,” Sean says, grinning again. “Gotta have those. Anyway,” he says to the table at large again, as if he hadn’t just called out the entire dynamic of thefacebook, “I have to say, I’ve been up and down the coast in California and this is still crazy new to me.”
“What,” Saverin cuts in suddenly. “Gay couples?”
Their drinks arrive at that moment, and Divya can tell that both the twins have tensed up at Saverin’s question. Even Zuckerberg is glaring at him across both twins, but Saverin’s fixated on Sean.
Sean chuckles. “Oh, no, not that. My best friends are gay,” he says.
Divya highly doubts that. What kind of twenty-four year old pulls that line?
“I’m just saying, it’s unique, this,” he gestures. “Thing. I have a friend, down in Stanford – we talk a lot about what could be the next big thing churning out of Palo Alto, you know, typical Silicon Valley talk – and he had this great idea in ’02…”
It becomes more and more obvious that Sean Parker is so obnoxiously talk that Divya isn’t sure if he’s willing to stick around long enough to discover if Parker can also walk the walk. Zuckerberg has been suspiciously silent, awe and worship on his face; even Tyler tries to match and chimes in with Parker, saying things like, “Man, the scene in Silicon Valley must be on a whole other level,” and, “What’s it like, you know. To walk into a function and have everyone know exactly why you’re there?” Sean Parker meets Tyler with every question, practically basking in his verbal attentiveness; and to Divya’s dismay even Cameron seems rather caught up in the obnoxiousness of Sean Parker – either that, or the need to not disappoint Zuckerberg has him looking like a puppy waiting to be told to roll over.
As their food and drinks come, the twins and Mark eagerly passing them over to each other, Sean toasting to the six of them, Divya gets more and more agitated. Other than the profoundly weird comment in the beginning, Sean hasn’t mentioned thefacebook once. A tray of lobster claws comes out and as Sean wordlessly gestures to Tyler to try one of them, he’s saying, “I didn’t want to spend my twenties as a professional defendant. Who knew–the music industry doesn’t have a sense of humor.”
“You tried to sell the company, right?” Cameron says, as Zuckerberg from where he’s already drained his own martini is stealing a sip out of Cameron’s.
Sean snaps his fingers at him. “Thirty-five million dollars, but they didn’t buy it. I guess to them that was like… trying to sell a stolen car to pay for the stolen gas. So we screwed it and declared bankruptcy.”
“A big fuck-you,” Tyler says, and Sean nods vehemently. “Making a name for yourself.”
“In music and business alike,” Sean says, gesturing at him with his drink. “And you’re dry, Ty. Tori?” he calls to their waitress from before.
Tyler chuckles. “No, it’s fine, really,” he says.
Divya eyes Saverin–Eduardo, really, next to him. Eduardo hasn’t said shit, but he’s been drinking steadily and keeping his eye on the conversation. At this point Divya would be drunk (though he couldn’t match with Eduardo if he tried), but Eduardo looks way too sober than he would like for this entire dinner. Divya emphathizes with him.
Sean goes onto talk about his other business venture–Divya had researched them both on the internet, and the way Sean talks about them makes them seem glorified, cheap even.
“And I wanted to do it nice this time,” Sean’s saying. “So I tied my tie, and shined my shoes, but nobody wants to take orders from a kid, so let me tell you what happens to a twenty-year old at the top of a hot dotcom.”
Divya raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. He takes a sip of his drink. Across from him, Eduardo does the same.
“They’ll hire private detectives who follow you day and night,” Sean says in a hushed voice, hunched over. To Divya’s dismay, Zuckerberg and Cameron and Tyler have joined him. “You’re a target for high priced escorts. And I can’t prove it, but I know they tap my phones–”
“If you can’t prove it,” Divya says, eyeing the bottom of his empty martini glass, “then why do you think so?”
Sean sends him a cursory glance. “Because it’s what they do,” he says to Divya, which doesn’t answer shit at all. “Why else fire me? Why else go into business with me under the pretense that they think I know shit when I do? Private behavior is a relic of a time gone by, and even if somehow, someway, you’ve managed to live your life like the Dalai Lama, they’ll make shit up.”
“So what’s made up about you?” Eduardo says suddenly.
Maybe Divya misjudged. Maybe Eduardo is drunker than he thought.
But all Sean does is shrug and says, “What people hear about me versus what they choose to believe. All the news articles about me are true, but the words that get passed around from person to person, ear to ear, are much more interesting, much more dangerous. Anyone can go on the internet and read that I’ve been held down from two internet ventures.”
“Because you were,” Eduardo puts in. Divya doesn’t know if he wants to tell Eduardo to shut up or cheer him on.
Sean ignores him either way. “But not everyone’s gonna hear that Sean Parker is broke off his ass and can’t afford shelter out of college girl’s homes,” he says. “And that’s what gets passed around.”
“Is that true?” Divya asks him.
Sean sends him one of those shark grins again. “Depends on what you choose to believe,” he says. “No one wants to buy a Tower Records anymore, but people still know my name. And that could be a good thing. Or a bad thing.”
“So you’re making the most of it,” Cameron says, and Sean smirks at him and says, “Cheers,” raising his martini.
Eventually, eventually, some-fucking-how at the expense of both Divya and Eduardo’s patiences, they get around to talking to thefacebook. “Tell me about your progress,” Sean says, stirring his drink. They’ve finished their meal so that there is now coffee sitting in front of all of them.
Eduardo’s the one who starts. “Well,” he says, “we’re in twenty-nine schools now, we have over 75,000 members–”
“We’re considering expanding to high schools,” Divya adds, to which Eduardo nods at.
But Sean ignores them both. “Tell me about the strategy you’re using,” he says, mostly directly his question to Cameron, Tyler, and Mark.
Eduardo visibly glowers as he sits back and Mark answers. Divya sends Eduardo a look, like can you believe this guy? to which Eduardo rolls his eyes at like he understands. Even Eduardo’s own damn boyfriend isn’t paying attention to him, lavishing Sean Parker with questions and answers. Divya is tempted to just leave the table with Eduardo to see if the rest of them will notice.
“That’s good,” Sean is saying to Tyler about something. “That’s smart.”
“Thanks, that was mine,” Eduardo says. He’s clearly still paying attention to the conversation better than Divya is.
Tyler gives Eduardo a look, which Eduardo fixedly returns. Tyler seems to put his hand on Eduardo’s thigh, but Eduardo ignores him and barrels on to Sean.
“Actually, Sean,” he says. “You should settle an argument for us–me and Mark, I mean.”
Sean gives him an odd smile. “I don’t want to get caught up in all your drama,” he says, in a tone that highly suggests otherwise.
“It’s not drama,” Eduardo says, which is a lie as soon as he opens his mouth again because even Divya has heard this one before, when Cameron and Tyler try to argue it out without arguing it out–or Cameron, at least, trying to acknowledge Eduardo and Tyler’s points while championing for Mark’s.
“I’m saying it’s time to make money for thefacebook,” Eduardo says to Sean. “But Mark doesn’t want advertising. Who’s right?”
Sean scans all of their faces–even Divya’s, while Divya is mildly surprised that Sean remembers that he exists. “Well, neither of you yet,” Sean says. “Thefacebook is cool. That’s what it’s got going for it.”
He’s surprisingly diplomatic by the way that he’s blatantly agreeing with Mark who interjects in what Sean’s saying like a big fat I-fucking-told-you-so to Eduardo. In all fairness Divya would have to take Mark’s side on this one, because what Sean’s saying–“It’s like you’re throwing the greatest party on campus and someone’s telling you it’s gotta be over by eleven”–makes more sense about what thefacebook is about, why it’s so popular in the first place. But by the way Eduardo is clenching is jaw, Divya’s pretty sure that if Zuckerberg wanted to get a message over to his best friend, this isn’t the way to do it.
“A million dollars isn’t cool,” Sean’s saying. “You know what’s cool?”
“You?” Eduardo fires at him.
Divya says, “A billion dollars?”
Sean raises his coffee mug at him. “Good man, Divya,” he says. Divya’s also surprised that Sean remembers his name. “A billion dollar valuation. Unless, of course, you take bad business advice in which case you may as well have come up with a chain of very successful yogurt shops.”
The rest of the dinner seems to take a downhill turn in the sense that Eduardo has gone completely silent that Divya honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he just never spoke to Mark or Cameron or even Tyler again for the rest of his life. If that does happen Divya needs to remember to ask him for his number–Eduardo seems to have good business senses, outside of thefacebook.
Sean Parker picks up the check, paying for all six of their martinis, which Divya feels slightly vindicated for. On his way out, Sean turns before leaving.
“Drop the ‘the,'” he says to them. “Just Facebook. It’s cleaner.” He walks out of the restaurant.
Mark says, “Shit.”
Divya agrees, but for a completely different reason.
*
They split off on the cab ride back to the hotel, Cameron and Mark in one car, Divya with Tyler and Eduardo in another.
The drive’s barely started before Tyler snaps, “Did you have to say all that shit?”
“What shit?” Eduardo says. When Tyler doesn’t answer right away, “What shit?”
“All the shit about–advertising, saying all that shit to Sean Parker–”
“What, you just didn’t want me to talk?”
“You were trying to pick a fight with him, and you know it,” Tyler says stubbornly. “I’m on your side about the advertising–”
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
“–but don’t you want to consider Sean’s point? Consider Mark’s point?”
“You’re calling him Sean now?” Eduardo bites out. “Because you’re so buddy buddy with him? Because you and your brother and Mark get along so fucking well with him?”
“Are you seriously jealous?” Tyler demands.
Eduardo makes a sound that is reminiscent of a growl and Divya’s not entirely sure if he made the right choice getting in the car with them. On the other hand, it is kind of interesting–and while Divya doesn’t agree entirely with Eduardo, he’s going to have to take his side in this compared to apparently Tyler and Mark’s dumbstruck hero worship and Cameron’s indignant stance to remain a neutral party.
“I’m not jealous, he was just a douche,” Eduardo says. “Narendra agrees with me, right Narendra?”
Divya turns from where he’s sitting in the passenger seat up front. “I’m not a part of this argument,” he says, at first. “But–seriously, Ty, you really want to trust a guy like that?”
“It’s not about trust! It’s a fucking business,” Tyler snaps. “Shit. I can’t deal with either of you right now.”
Divya wishes he could feel worse about it, but he feels justified in the self-satisfied sigh he hears Eduardo let out.
*
In the hotel, Cameron and Mark share one room, Tyler and Eduardo share another, and Divya, thankfully, has a room all to himself. He’s going through his emails and working on some homework when he hears a knock at his door.
Divya goes over to open it up to Eduardo Saverin, looking tired and hair bedraggled, in pajama pants and one of his usual button-ups, unbuttoned moreso than usual. “Saverin,” Divya says, raising his eyebrows. “This is a surprise.”
“It’s Eduardo,” Eduardo says. “Can I come in?”
Divya lets him in, shutting the door behind him. “What brings this visit?” he says. “I’d thought you’d need twenty hours of sleep after today.”
Eduardo chuckles. “Yeah,” he says. “Sorry for interrupting your night.”
Divya shakes his head, joining Eduardo on the spare bed in the room. “It’s fine, man,” he says.
“It’s just.” Eduardo stops talking and clenches at his hair for a moment. “Tyler’s being so fucking stupid, and so are Cameron and Mark. About Sean Parker, about the advertisers–about everything–”
“Dude, you’ve got a hickey,” Divya says, pointing. There is a prominent red welt on where Eduardo’s shirt is unbuttoned, and Eduardo blushes and quickly goes to cover it. “Don’t tell me that you and Tyler fought about this again right before you were about to go to bed.”
“He said something, and I just–I don’t know.” Eduardo puts his face in his hands. “They treat me like I don’t know what thefacebook is about–like I don’t want the best for thefacebook, because god, I do, it’s just–”
“You don’t think Sean Parker is what’s best for it,” Divya says, and Eduardo nods.
Divya sighs. He’s been friends for Tyler for longer and Tyler’s going to hate him for this, but, “You can stay in my room tonight if you need to. Spare bed and everything,” he adds, when Eduardo opens his mouth like he’s going to say something about not wanting to impose. “Man, seriously. I can understand how it might feel like they’re ganging up on you, but you’re not wrong about this. Sean Parker is a major douchebag.”
“Thank you,” Eduardo says gratefully. “And it’s not like I haven’t been here since the beginning, you know? Even when it was just me and Mark.”
“Well now it’s me and you, man. Against those idiots who don’t want to see reason.” Divya thumps Eduardo on the shoulder, and then thinks for a minute. “And Cam,” he adds, because sometimes neutrality is an even more annoying position.
“And Cam,” Eduardo says, rolling his eyes. “At least he and his boyfriend aren’t sleeping in separate rooms tonight.”
“Do what you gotta do, Saverin,” Divya tells him. “We’ll figure it out in the morning.”
Eduardo smiles at him like he didn’t realize that he and Divya could be on the same side. And, well, Divya didn’t think so either, but you can make friends in unexpected places. Divya knows this.
“Thank you,” Eduardo says. “Again.”