“Oh, Hanguang-jun,” Wei Wuxian says, as one inky tentacle, warm and silky, wraps around Lan Wangji. “You’re just as depraved as the rest of us mere cultivators. As my demonic cultivation.”

“I haven’t seen you since—Gusu, was it?” Wei Ying says. “Oh my god, it’s been so long. I didn’t even know you were LGBT! Unless you’re here as an ally, which is also totally cool—”

“No, I.” Lan Zhan coughs. Her throat feels dry. “I am a lesbian.”

“A-Yao,” Nie Mingjue says, taking his saber from Jin Guangyao’s hands. “Let me clean Baxia, get yourself cleaned up—”

“Hm?” Jin Guangyao looks down, moving his hand along the cloth.

Where the blade had slid right along his skin is clean, unbroken.

Nie Mingjue blinks. He thought he saw a red line, where Baxia would slice right along his palm, a sliver of blood slipping out. And yet he is scarless, woundless.

“Are you okay?” Nie Mingjue asks.

“Of course I am, Da-ge,” Jin Guangyao says. “Are you?”

–

Or, a Jennifer’s Body AU

“What was that for?” Needy asks, as Jennifer closes her phone with a smug grin. “Those guys almost sacrificed you to Satan!”

“Yeah, but you sacrificed me to Satan instead,” Jennifer replies.